Sex is a subject that bears with it great emotion. I know that statement goes without saying but I thought it was worth stating. I have a lot of emotion attached with sex and have often found that the height of my need to say loving words is during this intimate event. Afterwards though I have an odd relief that I kept my mouth shut and that realization that the physical is just physical overrides. I wonder if I am alone in this? Passion overtakes the rational at moments of weakness and sex certainly is one of those moments. So where does that leave us? In the end sex can be physical, emotional, or at times both. Where do we draw that line?
As a relationship progresses the desire for the emotions I find becomes stronger outside the physical act and to me that is where love really begins. Love is growth, a bond and understanding of people with the desire to support each others goals. Or to quote the dictionary:
[luhv] Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
But wait, how exactly does point three come into play? Isn’t that the definition for sex and not love? If even the dictionary cannot keep these terms and definitions clear for the English speakers than how exactly are we to keep these things clear and level headed? To me there is a great difference between sex and love.
I know a couple who are very career oriented people and are living abroad. They have been together for quite a long time, and being career oriented there was some long distance elements to their relationship. When one or the other would have to come home to Canada to visit family or take additional courses the understanding was always that yes they would have physical needs apart. And that was absolutely OK with both parties. To go out and have a casual night here or there was almost encouraged as both parties were doing the same. This couple has been together for many years and have just welcomed their first child. This child is being born to two very successful parents in the most loving and forward thinking environment that I have seen.
Now I will admit that when I first was told of the understanding this couple had I was very judgmental about the whole arrangement. I kept my mouth shut and supported my friends but I often wish I would have asked more questions from the couple. It didn’t seem like being open or discussing was even a possibility. It was their life and they could live it how they chose as long as I didn’t have to ever lie about what I knew. This vow let me sleep at night, but something just didn’t seem right. The most odd thing is that I had completely forgotten about this whole situation until a few days ago. I have been writing this blog for over a month looking for real life scenarios and one was right under my nose the whole time.
This gives me a lot of hope. That I could forget that this was even a point of some discomfort for me. That my opinionated little self could look past their actions and support their new family with open arms. This blog could one day be the norm and not need to be discussed and brought to the surface of our awareness. That sex can be sex and that a relationship can be so much more than that.