So as the title states I am very excited to have had my first topic request the other day. Here are my thoughts on flirting.
First things first, be prepared to fail. Rejection can be really hard to take especially for a person newly out of a relationship, or even just lonely. For me, I had liquid courage the first time I went out to flirt and I failed miserably (the story will be coming up shortly). I had to learn two lessons very quickly: First, that the worst thing that can happen when you pick a target is the guy (or girl) is going to say is no, or fuck off. Really, that’s easy to get over and once you hear it a couple of times your skin thickens and you move right on. I would recommend if you are rusty, go up to a guy really out of your league. Seriously it’s one of those no harm no foul moments where if you luck out, fantastic. If you don’t, well no loss you got the first and hardest no out of the way.
The second thing, and this is really crucial, is to determine your end game. I know that can sound a little silly but there is an excellent reason. I personally cannot stand women who are teases. They monopolize a guy’s attention for the night, then giggle, and go home alone or to their boyfriends/husbands getting what they need only. I have been the shoulder for many a guy wondering what the hell just happened and how much they now hate women. And with great reason, there is just no place for a tease and I will not support that. If your end game is simply attention, then please please, get a little attention and then move on. The guy has needs too, and if you knowingly take up all his attention and plan on going home alone, that can crush a guys esteem and is really selfish on your part. Sorry about the vent, moving on.
Once you choose if the night is for a little pick me up, or to get a little action, it helps to know your target, and that I would recommend reading Robert Greene’s, The Art of Seduction. The book does a really great job of defining the different seducers and also explains what your own type is. If you have any other suggestions for me I would love to hear about them. Once you have a firm grasp of what your strengths and weakness’ are, flirting can be so exciting and there are so many boundaries to push through. As the book mentions, you can apply seduction to all aspects of your life, including the business world. However this is not always easy the first time.
When I first went out to flirt it was to build up my confidence. To give me a feeling of sex appeal and a little re-assurance that I could potentially find someone else and would not end up alone. I went to the bar very desperate for attention and it showed. I was insecure and waiting for anyone to make eye contact while I very ungracefully chugged a few too many cocktails. I should mention that I also was on a pub a crawl, clearly I had no idea what I was doing. I can laugh now at the whole scene but here I was drunk, going from bar to bar, and getting sloppy. I have no idea how it happened, but I ended up being that girl that I have felt sorry for so many times. By leaving the bar with some random guy, and in the morning doing the walk of shame. Not the highlight of my flirting career let me tell you.
Now for some things that actually work. Sex appeal has a lot to do with confidence. I asked a guy once why he slept with a girl, that let’s say didn’t share his same fitness beliefs. His reply was quite simply she made the first move and was very confident. I was in awe, and did not fully realize just the impact that this has. I personally had been after this guy for a while, and to find out that the pining over him was incredibly un-attractive really hit home. There are quite a few other tricks that I have learned, and I will try and share them all in the upcoming blogs. But if you walk in with confidence, know what you are after, and are able to push away the fear of rejection (without booze) you have already won the initial battle.