Earlier this week my writing got a little derailed. I am constantly writing my ideas down and have a list of ideas that I would like to expand on but not this week. My last blog I wrote about some subject matter that was on the preconceived notion that my mom did not read my blogs. I can’t honestly tell you why I didn’t think she read anymore, other than perhaps I hadn’t had any recently uncomfortable conversations with her about them. But low and behold there I go writing something incredibly personal, bearing my soul and desires, to find out that yes indeed she is an active reader.
Naturally I have had a little bit of writers block as a result of having her as an audience. So here I am trying to look at this logically and deal with it head on so I can move past this. Overall I am incredibly proud of my writing, and I enjoy that I write about subject matter that really fuels me. And up until that last post I had no discomfort at all with my parental units having a little peak into my soul and how I think and process information as an adult. Thus I have reached a conclusion about this whole thing. I am so incredibly blessed and lucky to have the support that I do from my immediate family. They may not support the actual words that are written, but they still read, and they try to find a common ground or a base acceptance of what I am trying to accomplish here.
Let me share a few polite ways that they have come up with to show their support with difficult subject matter. The first is “[I am] trying to make sense out of what is happening in [My] life… [I] want to understand… i love that!”. Your “writing is helping me to understand myself more and opening the door for me in the healing process”. And of course my absolute favourite, “when I read some of these blogs all I can think is Goddamn it, that child of mine!” Mega points if you can guess who said that last one. But reading these comments from those that I share a bloodline with, really gets me thinking about just how incredibly lucky I am.
Imagine my fortune in being able to share my thoughts in a public forum and not be reprimanded or shunned. If it was not for how I was raised I don’t think I could have been nearly as honest in portraying this personal aspect of my life. I should let you know as well that each of my family members has bridged their own battles in openness and honesty. Their bravery in their own lives has given me the courage to push my envelope just a little further without the fear of rejection. I used to curse in my head just how much sharing was done in my family, that very few subjects were taboo and I learned a lot about life at a very young age. I did not understand just how valuable this viewpoint would be in my development. I learned very early on that my friends were not raised in quite the same way. There was an open door at my house for almost any conversation, void of judgement for the most part anyway.
So here is my humblest thank you for all my family and giving me support even when it is really difficult. I am able to continue writing in large part to all the little things that you have done and said over my lifetime. I began by writing this blog for selfish reasons, (ridding my writers block) and ended up with more joy and positivity as a result. So thank you to my family for being who you are with all your faults and strengths as I press forward with my own discovery. Asking as many questions as I can and finding answers in my own way. Question Everything.