When I was in grade school I remember learning about the debate surrounding nature versus nurture and how the scientific community was working on research with twins to prove if genetics stand alone in a persons predisposition. Imagine my surprise to learn in a university course that this debate is no longer an issue. In fact scientists have determined that the code is genetic, environmental and developmental and not just any sole area, working together to form our genetic disposition. Aside from feeling a little old at having lived through a theory and an actual solution in my lifetime it also gives me amazing hope at finding the answers in my own life.
Let me share with you the question that I have been thinking about this last year, thus making an impact on my belief system. How much time do you currently exert on your partners happiness. Or to put another way, how much time do you invest in measuring your own happiness based on your partners emotional level. I spent the last two days in personal reflection mode, whereby I kept track on day one of all of my negative comments. On day two I kept track of all the positive comments that I made (which was even more interesting as I was moderately hungover). When I took a long hard look at my results it was very eye opening as to whom my negative and or positive comments were geared and directed. So then where do I take this information in relation to my blog? Why of course in the direction of what my relationship status is compared to my previous long term one.
I have written on my happiness. And I work daily to ensure that I am responsible for my own happiness, and games like this really eye open for me my strengths and weakness’. I happily report that shifting the focus onto positive comments about myself and those around has improved my personal relationships without even trying. Confident and sexy me, is the only focus I need to have as the rest is a very happy result. I took a risk and shifted my train of thought onto doing things that I enjoy and enhancing to my life. I no longer sit watching my partner, wondering if he’s happy. Wondering if he is faithful, or willing to stay with me long term, and a million other things that have gone through my head. I wasted years of energy on this battle and let me assure you I found no winners, or even answers, just more painful questions.
We are a result of our genes, our environment, and our development, and I cannot stress just how amazingly important this is. I am not plagued by the same plagues of my family. I am an individual result of everything that surrounds me and has the capacity to influence me. I gained to much in changing a focus that was instilled since I was a little girl, “how to please your man”. For my this was my biggest downfall, as I was not pleasing myself first. When I was in a funk I relied on someone else to get me out of it, rather than knowing myself through and through. How much benefit would there be to you to not worry or stress about someone that you will never be able to control? For me the answer is priceless. At the end of the day, there is me and only me. I nurture my own destiny as an adult, and of course questioning everything around me.