Sexual Compatibility: An Open Letter

There are two types of people in this world, the ones who believe in the power of a healthy and happy sex life to be a strong indicator towards a healthy relationship, and, the people who believe a healthy and loving relationship can exist in the absence of sex.  Up until a few years ago, I had only had exposure to the first type of people on an intimate basis.  So let me tell you a story of a good friend.
He found a girl, and the girl was amazing.  They planned trips over seas and finally decided to start a new life together in a new city.  Lots of love and laughter was shared and he confided in me that he was really really happy, however there was just one thing.  He told me that he had not had sex in more than three months because he had given up on initiating it.  And he was puzzled because she didn’t seem to mind.  I told him that he had already given up, and this girl was not the girl of his dreams as she didn’t want to share this most intimate of passions.  I didn’t tell him anything that he didn’t already know or feel, just held up the mirror to the actions he was already taking in response to her sexually.  It had nothing to do with her, and her emotional baggage, and lets face it we all have it in spades.  But the thing is you can’t change a person. And most important, is that you cannot change yourself. 
The passion is either there or it is not.  If you are questioning your sexual compatibility then it is a long road ahead for the relationship.  Even questioning it will have brought to light for you just how important this sex drive and compatibility are for you.  Be careful hoping she/he will change, because in my experience sex is a very strong indicator of overall happiness and suitability I acknowledge that you can have love without sex, but the reality is I don’t feel this should be forced up on us because of a persons past or history.   It is one thing to be understanding about past events, but not knowing for yourself your wants and needs you may live with a twinge of regret.  

3 thoughts on “Sexual Compatibility: An Open Letter”

  1. You sure seem to indicate that a relationship without sex will never be as good as one with great sex. As an asexual I find that beyond narrow minded and limiting for those who either choose or are simply not sexual. I do agree that both have to be onboard with these views, but many and in fact most relationships will end up sexless in time and hopefully most are happy ones.

  2. There is a big difference from being asexual and stopping sex well into the relationship. A sexual realtionship deserves to maintain it's sexual element if both parties are willing. And no I do not believe in the idea that relationships end up sexless.

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