I have spent a long time perceiving the world as individuals moving to and fro, while turning a blind eye to race, colour and gender. This is how I was raised and taught throughout my life that people are people and have the same rights as everybody else. In university I took a course on Sex and Gender, and I was constantly confronted with the idea that women are absently represented in much of history as a direct result of these biases. I will try to explain this a little clearer. As a result of thinking all people are people, many Anthropologists have missed documenting important factors as to why specific genders took on specific roles. Or more to the point, only looking at one side of the equation, and sourcing why it is beneficial for men to be polyamorous, or monogamous, and leaving out the benefits for women in this same situation. The lack of looking at the big picture and all sides evenly has been going on for hundreds of years, and I am encountering to this day.
I am at a bit of a loss here for how to keep the anonymity of the main person discussed here so I apologize that I have to call this person my roommate for the sake of cohesion in the story. At any rate, a few people have asked how I am doing as of late. So I tell them how wonderful it is being back in school and how helpful it is to have a roommate to take a bit of the bills burden. Finding out if he is male, the question is, does he have a girlfriend. To which I jokingly respond, I think he may have a couple actually. And every single person replies with laughter followed by “good for him”.
Now why is it ok to date multiple people however when you are in a committed relationship it is frowned upon? To have more than one sexual partner in the course of being with your significant other? Did you think I was going to play the gender card and whine about how men can date multiple but women cannot? Well I think that is a valid question too, and is a factor however I am more concerned about the ramifications of why things change when a person is just dating and playing the field into a relationship. I often comment on the excitement of meeting new people, and feeling that amazing newness chemistry. I believe that it increases the drive that you have for your partner, especially when it is only done occasionally. As an infrequent spark, it has the potential to fuel a relationship into a long standing and strong one. A relationship that really can stand the test of time, and anything that can be thrown at it. Now this is only about my dream relationship specifically, and I think it bears repeating that I respect the monogamous, and the poly people out there.
My goal towards this post is to raise awareness towards how you have reacted in the past towards any double standards in your life. If it is true for you that the dating field should be about dating a multitude of people and varieties, how then can you cut that out completely and turn a relationship into a monogamously committed relationship? It seems like there is something missing, some step or element that makes it true and rational. For me, variety is really the spice that makes life worthwhile and really fun.