The most common phrase I hear myself saying to my friends who are in the dating world is to relax and have fun. It may sound simple enough but it can be hard to do, especially if you are dating after a serious or long term relationship has ended. There is such a strong temptation to settle down and get stable again that it becomes too easy to forget the basics. When we were younger playing on the school grounds we experienced boyfriends and girlfriends that would last days, and sometimes merely recess breaks. This occurred for a very good reason, when we are younger the second something stops being fun we end it. There are no hurt feelings as there are plenty of other kids in the playground. Sometimes it stings until lunchtime, but even then, there is something more interesting and happy just around the corner.
So what happens that makes us forget that being with somebody is supposed to be fun. Why do we subconsciously decide that it is better to be with somebody and not lonely than to seek out an enjoyable life? I can honestly tell you that every time that I forget to be happy and enjoy life my relationships fail. When the relationship suddenly becomes more important than the happiness it provides things go downhill. We are heading into an age where work-life balance is becoming more important than working to the bone day in and day out. Learning to take the time to spend with family and friends as jobs seem to come and go with more fluidity than ever before. So work is now giving us the time to spend with those we love, but be honest, is the time spent becoming more about quantity than quality?
Yes, drilled into all of our heads is the notation that relationships take work, and they do, but the particulars of the work to be completed actually are becoming the issue. We must work to communicate, to love ourselves first and foremost, and to make time to ensure that time spent together is actually about quality. Time management is a huge factor in making any relationship be it professional or sexual work. We cannot have a goal of a professional relationship to be one where we only have fun, as the work would never get completed. And the opposite is true of a sexual relationship, if we turn it into a somber job the enjoyment dissipates. Working on the skills to recognize the difference between the two is a struggle that I often have. The situations that seemed so funny at work, when related at home often get blank stares or strained smiles. The techniques we employed as children having fun in the moment, then moving on and accepting the next moment of fun are neglected as adults. We almost seek out a more standardized relationship level whereby our work and home life share similar stories and common interests.
Whenever lines get blurred, miscommunication is inevitable and clear cut relationships lose sight of the original purpose. We form bonds with our coworkers out of a necessity to be social in our day to day environments. And we form bonds and sexual relationships at home to fulfill our desires for fun and happiness. Take the time to do something fun with your partner, and share laughs and quality time. And when looking for a partner, remember that it probably will not work long term if you do not have a solid framework of relaxed fun and good times.