Sorry to pick on you dear men who have forayed into the world of online dating, but quite frankly the majority of you suck at it. Which is very bad news for you because there are men out there, who are amazing at it, have studied all your mistakes and swoop down to have their pick of the ladies. I have written about this before here, but it turns out I had barely scratched the surface. I revamped my online profile last week for purposes of science and I would like to share with you a few thoughts and stories. I promise you I have not made a single one of these messages up, in the same sentence I am not trying to scare anyone off of online dating.
One of the first things is that talking like a 12 year old in text slang or poor grammar is never a good first impression. Such phrases as “I c u as an equal”, or “Hi gorgeous text me if u want ###-#### would really like too know. U seems very down on earth talk soon I hope”, does not illicit a very positive response. First impressions count, especially when you take into account that this is a game of numbers. Why would someone want to meet you, when you have shown the communication skill level of a tween? You are looking for a relationship or at the very least set up a meeting for coffee and hold a conversation in order to plan a booty call, take the effort to make full sentences and use real words.
Next on my list is copying and pasting information from your profile directly into your opening message. I know we woman are fickle and may pass you by, but I can almost guarantee that if a woman takes the time to read your opening message she will also take the time to read your profile. Repeating yourself right from the get go is not going to impress anyone. This is a mild annoyance, and perhaps will not place very high on anyone else s list, but I felt it was worth mentioning.
Thirdly, and I cannot even believe this happened to me, please oh please do not propose marriage as an opener. Here is the direct quote from a message I received “Can we skip our first meet and just go straight to the wedding chapel? We’ll decide our honeymoon plans over the phone. I promise not to hit on our bridesmaids!” My main confusion with this opener is as to what sort of response he was expecting. It almost did not matter that he was a slimy looking guy with a pencil thin mustache and a pony tail, but still, he must have thought this was a positive approach and for the life of me I cannot fathom why.
And ladies, try not to be cruel when guys makes these mistakes. It only makes them bitter to the whole online dating thing and perpetuates their belief that it does not work. The belief we are superficial is re-confirmed. If they make a horrible mistake, kindly tell them, and be sure to mention that the ship has sailed with you but perhaps the next girl would be more willing to chat. I personally will not chat with guys who do not show their eyes in a single one of their pictures. Last week I told a guy flat out why I was not chatting with him and sure enough he posted some face pictures. I am pretty sure his odds have increased significantly or at least that’s what he has told me. Yes it’s a numbers game but with the goal being a face to face meeting pick and choose how you want to be mysterious. Hiding your face is just plain creepy.