I suppose after venting a bit in my last post, I should now be able to write, “Yay! We dated a couple”! In hindsight, it is pretty amazing that after just one bad date, and then a nervous first meeting with a married couple we were able to make a connection. 4 people actually all getting along well enough to socialize together as a group and as different pairings is quite a feat. And to be able to maintain some semblance of fun for a few weeks here and there, it may be time to start focusing on the pride in that. We did however hit some incredibly annoying rough patches that are hard to overlook. But all in all, after a few months of dating, I don’t think any of us hate each other. In fact there are even some real friendships that are being maintained. That is impressive. And it gives me real hope for the future.
There were many moments when I would throw my hands up and say that the stress was just not worth it. And then, there were points where I could envision things developing, that would just not be possible without multiple stable couples. The possibilities that I glimpsed through a date here, or a text there, fueled me to hold on a lot longer than I think I needed to. That hope and glimmer viewed is what keeps me looking and searching for some other kick ass couple.
The one on one date’s always went well. The dating parties would come home energized and excited that connections were being made. There was serious effort put into making this more than just sex. This was not ever about just swinging. E and I both want more than that. My life does not revolve around random sexy times with other men. I want to be able to call up a couple and all go out dancing or to a show, with the knowledge that something super fun could end the night. Or just to be able to go out for a girls night, with someone that I had been intimate with, I don’t know how to explain why but there is just something alluring and exciting about that prospect. No restrictions, just being able to comfortably express my sexual and emotional wants with a few more people. To be clear, E fulfills all my needs, this is simply about wants for me, and why I don’t want to settle if things aren’t working.
Unfortunately there was so much room for miscommunication that I could see this dynamic falling apart right from the beginning. E and I have worked on our communication and we are both comfortable asking for more or less information depending on the scenario. We can openly discuss our feelings, and wants although it is not a nightly ritual or anything. But when push comes to shove, we truly connect and are heard by the each other. That being said it was difficult for me at times to deal with a couple that does not have the same level of communication. You could ask the wife about a conversation she had with her husband the night before, and then the same thing of the husbands version and it seemed almost night and day. Maybe they communicated more on body language and the amount of time the two had been together. However coming into that, made me uncomfortable on more than one occasion. Drama is not something I want to deal with. And as E is quickly able to just ignore anything that bothers him, knowing it is not his problem, I for one found that very difficult to do. I read into situations, and then would get concerned with how it will affect the bigger picture. It is something I will accept help from E, to help me learn to brush off these emotions in future.
With that being said though, watching how another couple interacts and communicates did have a certain level of fascination for me. It was an intimacy that I don`t think many monogamous couples ever get to see in other couples. We got to witness these interactions first hand, and show off how we interact. It`s incredible to see two seemingly opposites work together to raise a beautiful family. Almost awe inspiring, well, more so now that I have had a little time to digest.
In short my perspective has gained some direction in what I want out of the next couple we date. I have gone from a position of just taking things day by day and allowing the situation to unfold as it may, to a much more defined prerogative. I now know exactly what I want out of dating a couple. I cannot say I knew that at the beginning. I was naïve thinking that having an organic experience free from any tainting would be successful from start to finish. People in a group dynamic need some clear and defined goals. It is not enough to just all get along. Expectations need to be set from the first few encounters. And for my part, expectations need to be known, with of course the knowledge that dynamics will change based on how everyone gets along. My laissez-faire mentality did not assist in making this process easy. We lacked the ability to all communicate as a group, and have an understanding for how each person gets their opinions and wants across and then be able to laugh! And ultimately enjoy all being together. Dating couples is just not an easy feat!