Where Do All the Pretty People Play?

We should all know by now that sex in real life is nothing like you see in porn.  There is no soft lighting making us all look like models, it can be sweaty, and the sounds and sights are never what you just watched on the web.  And unfortunately for me, the same can be said for the sex positive poly community.  There are idealized visions of meeting like minded individuals that look and think in a similar way to you.  And well, that bubble was burst when we met a whole group face to face.  How do I put this delicately?  Well, there isn’t a way, other than to say, in a group of 30 or so people, E and I became 10’s.  In every single way!  Optimum age, superstar bodies, visual appearances and attitude simply because our surroundings left much to be desired.  We become that couple that everyone in the room wants to be with, and it is weird. 

On the one hand this situation has its fleeting moment of flattery.  I imagine similar to walking the red carpet, but where everyone wants and tries to grab your ass.  On the other though, we really want to find people closer to us.  We want to walk away full of energy, phone numbers and exciting stories when we get home.  So far, this has not been the case.  So I wonder, where do all the pretty people play?  The people who are physically fit, and want to put their best foot forward for both themselves and their partners?  We do not demand perfection, but we do appreciate looking outwards and seeing something other than obesity, insecurity and wrinkles.

When we went to the LA area swing club, confidence is on the top tier when you look out upon the sea of people.  Many of course, have the take me or leave me type of body and dress code.  But there are a few who take excellent care of themselves, and it shows.  In Calgary, so far, that has not been the case.  Pretty, to me is more than skin deep.  It is an outlook, and a way of caring about yourself, both emotionally and physically. 

We went to a poly meet and greet a few weeks back here in the city, and we both left the night a little depressed that that was the poly representation.  We have that slimy, over confident guy, who showed us a very nondescript picture of his stripper girlfriend who at the last minute couldn’t make it out.  To the woman, who was obviously dragged there by her husband and was terrified of being left alone.  And to the loud and heavy couples who were the majority, and just seemed to me like horny, hungry, hippos.  The women who showed up wearing sweat pants was an interesting touch.  Or the people trying hard to create safe cuddle spaces, and 4 person share your dream events, as an ongoing Saturday evening experience.  I am independent and confident and have no interest in paying money to cuddle on the floor with strangers for validation.  To each their own of course, but I want what I want.  And this type of interaction is just not it.

I want to go and interact with pretty people.  With educated and adventurous type couples who have stories to share, and an understanding and appreciation of their bodies and their health.  I want to meet someone, who is a spark and not just a little flicker.  For now, it seems, E and I will have to continue to travel to find our little adventures, because neither of us have found yet where our kind play locally.

6 thoughts on “Where Do All the Pretty People Play?”

  1. I've had some luck with cultivating a group of people I know and like. Occasionally someone will throw a party. Takes some of the mystery out of it but I'd rather have more assurance the crowd is what I'm looking for than be freaked out over not fitting in (regardless of the reason).

  2. One day I am sure we will reach a similar point. Perhaps it is because we have not yet bought a hot tub. I hear that's the thing to throw one of these parties 🙂

  3. I know exactly what you mean… I am not sure why the poly community tends to be represented by the crowd you are describing. It's discouraging.

    But the good news is that there are some 'secret stashes' of younger, more attractive, fun poly groups here in Calgary. There are a couple of groups and most of them are not 'our people' but don't give up hope, cause I can assure you, we're out here!

    (And yes, having a hot tub definitely helps 😉 )

  4. The sad truth is that it's a tiny minority of people who are into constant self-improvement. To many, that very phrase sounds exhausting. But to some it's how they are, and they like being that way.

    What you're looking for is the intersection of one tiny minority (the take-care-and-improve crowd) with another tinier minority (the open relationship crowd). I counsel patience. 😉

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