I am amazed at the presumption of men in general when they discover that I blog or am looking to date couples with my partner. Almost unanimously I get a sexually heated message. Asking me directly what my kinks are, wondering if I want a threesome with him and his FWB, or the guy sharing something sexually charged about himself that he’s never told anyone else before. I after all opened the door by just mentioning the word sex right? Wrong! I will shout from the rooftop that I am sex positive, open minded and confident. But men, you really need to take a step back and realize that flirty goes much farther than just full on graphic language with an internet stranger who is NOT paid to play.
My blogging journey has taken me on a sex positive adventure and I have shared a lot over the years. My blog in part is about educating myself on sexual issues that affect our society and embracing all the kinks and non monogamous wants and needs that I can find. It is a vast subject that after years of blogging I still find myself in a world of exciting exploration. Meeting new people, sharing ideas, and above all, constantly re-educating myself and challenging my preconceived notions. And I don’t mind challenging a few of you out there as well. However, and here is the big butt, it is not an invitation to discuss my sex life with strangers.
Online dating men, seem to jump the gun when they find my blog, in that they believe being sex positive implies that I want to discuss sex right away or hop into the sack with them. Nothing could be further from the truth. If mentioning my blog seems like an invitation to sleep with me, then as a society we need to give the big head a shake (not the little one). I know it may seem exciting that you have just chatted with someone who is not afraid of sex, or her opinions on the subject. And you may get a little impulsive and carried away with the fantasy world that this potential meeting could open up, but take a breath. You don’t know me. You saw the word sex almost assuredly out of context and jumped the gun.
I had a guy who after I found out that I wrote a blog, opened with “would you ever have a threesome with a woman you never met”? No segue, nothing, just boom! So I replied with, “would you ever bang a bunch of men you had never met?” His reply was so telling, he said “that they would have to have a drink first and get to know each other.” I guess that’s the take away from this, as soon as I mention my blog, I am a sex object to strangers. The conversation immediately leads into territory that society deems inappropriate on a first date, yet perfectly fine for the newly found sex positive stranger? The disconnect between being on the internet and ever meeting in person is huge and it doesn’t need to be. There remains a gap between what we are willing to write, and what we will muster up the courage to say in person. But take a moment, approach me with respect and humanity as you should with everyone you encounter online. The word sex should not negate my humanity nor should it be an invitation to get crude.