So apparently there is a term called “tickets” used for escorts that are invited/paid for by single men to get into lifestyle clubs. And yes, if you’re a regular reader the timing of this post in direct relation to my last one is not lost on me. Overall, I am an open-minded person, however I keep running into ideas and concepts that make me question just how accepting I really am. I guess that’s why I blog, and keep questioning everything right? So back to paying someone (an escort) just to get you into a swingers club!
I have used the term pay for play quite frequently throughout my writing career and as a positive outlet to my clients whenever the need arises. I support sex workers. I wish that sex workers were legally allowed to practice their trades for safety, and economic reasons. Sex work is the oldest profession and it should be taxable and all its members protected under the law.
Now, with that said, I will come right out and say, just like single men, I do not believe that escorts or anyone who gets paid for sex should be welcome in the swinger community as a means of breaking into the lifestyle. There are a number of reasons.
First and foremost, swinging requires work, communication, and a solid foundation. As well, trust, consent, and disclosure. These are things inherently missing in simply paying someone for the night. Even if legalized, there is more to gain for a working guy or gal from non-disclosure than from disclosing, especially as they are being hired specifically to sneak someone into a party.
Second, if you enter under false pretenses, how are people to believe your sexual status i.e. STI or STD’s. Livelihood is on the line, and it is unrealistic to think a person will stop working while waiting for a test result, etc. We have to be practical about this. Even a sex worker who is incredibly safe, and gets tested regularly still has to endure a slow health care system, with even slower results. So in such a tight knit community that unfortunately relies on many assumptions about safe sex, and disclosure, these economic and physical demands unnecessarily increase risk.
The next point is in regards to consent. In what way does that even work? A male is most likely paying for a woman’s services for the evening. Is he also paying for her to sleep with anyone else? Who gets the bill in the wake of a foursome or swap? There are finances on the line. And legal issues to boot. Within most swing clubs there can be no cash exchange in return for services. Whatever my views on a future of legalized prostitution (which is obviously pro), we are just not there yet. So paying for sex is illegal. Imagine not knowing someone was paid for sex and having that come out in the wake of a bust or exposure? Or even just the emotional aspect of engaging with a couple you thought were genuinely together, only to find out, it was nothing more than pay for play?
Now let’s get into motivation. Is the man simply a single, who has always wanted to see the inner workings of a swing club? Does he think he just found the golden “ticket” to get him inside? If so, please refer to my previous post about why single men at swing clubs suck. As much as exhibitionism exists, I may or may not know that first hand, I do not want outsiders thinking they can pay for the privilege of watching someone get their rocks off. That’s what porn is for. You are confusing live, non-consenting adults with paid professionals and that is never cool. I don’t attend clubs for the public’s consumption. I attend because I love being around like minded, non-monogamous, open, and amazing people, who not to repeat myself, but have put in the work to be there. They didn’t find this little loophole, a sneaky entrance, and the ultimate manipulation.
So in summary, if you think bringing a sex worker to the club just to get you inside is clever, it’s not. You will not be invited back, regardless of how well behaved you are, or how much research you feel you have done when you are found out (which you will be). Strong, stable, secure couples are hot. A single man with his paid escort is not. You put us physically, financially, and emotionally at risk. So don’t be that asshole! Consent in a swing club encompasses much more than just sex. There is enough for us to be concerned about, don’t add to that burden for your own selfish motives. Besides, if you do it, you still won’t be able to brag to your friends about attending a forbidden swing club afterwards so really, what’s the point?
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I'm an escort and about twice a year I visit swinger's clubs to live out fantasies. I don't tell anyone what I do because of stigma, just like this article. I feel a bit offended. Why can't the lifestyle be for everyone regardless of our occupation?
I think you have missed the point. You as a civilian, go to swing clubs to live out fantasies, and that's a major draw. I was trying to articulate the fact that finding someone brought a paid for play individual takes away an element of consent and openness. Clubs are not for working, ie escorts, drug dealers, undercover cops, therapists… I could go on and on. And for the record, the club I go to has strippers and escorts who attend and there is no stigma at all. They are there to have fun, and are not working or being paid to be there. The key difference.
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Just a reminder that this blog is a personal journey and I will remove comments that are crude or vulgar.
I agree about the ticket and escorts ( mostly because of safety) ….but not about singles swinging or coming. Having a few worthy solo wildcards is hot. It can also allow for a little cuckolding fantasy, which we’re into. But they can always be seperate things. At the end of the day, I think its all great, but yes no ticket or pay to play either…. At least not for me. But its all cool i guess…sexpositive..;)
Sigh, I know the singles one is not a great stance. But I have just had so many bad experiences that I would prefer no singles or pre-screened and escorted by a club member to just letting them in. I hope that this stance will change in a few years with increased education, and increased onus on club organizers to ensure that their guests are all given the rules, and code of conducts, and immediate removal if any members violate the comfort and safety of others, which would of course allow for a much freer sexual experience.
Consent is still consent. The sex worker still has the right to refuse any act he or she doesn’t like. Some sex workers advertise Money for Time, and any activities that take place are Between Consenting Adults. Having been to different clubs as a single male (not worth the time, money or energy) and part of a married couple (at both clubs), I can guarantee that no escort would be forced to perform any act he, she or they didn’t wasn’t fully on board with. On each occasion, I witnessed one woman ask another woman, in a sisterly tone, if she was okay with what was about to happen. In most cases, the reply was most emphatic. Any hesitancy would have led to the perpetrator being quickly removed by security (if anybody wonders what memberships pay for…) and banned. If a girl seems hesitant about doing something, the non-client male member of the club won’t pursue it, either. The whole concept of Whatever You Want to Call It; Lifestyle, Swinging, Non-Monogamy, is that anybody involved is into it.
Essentially, if an escort were to agree to accompany a client to a club or party their arrangement would be between two consenting adults. Whether she has sex with anybody at the club or party or not, (including her client) is a matter of consent.
If the escort allowed her client, or anybody else to touch her, is her decision. If the escort has agreed to perform any act on another designated but unnamed person at a party, this is also consent that could resemble the dynamic between a married couple. The escort still maintains a right to withdraw consent at any moment. Having observed couples who participated in similar activities, I won’t say it is the average, but everybody here understands how boring it is, if everything is the same.
Consent is still consent. And that includes the premise that every person there is pre vetted and part of a couple. Bringing an escort to this particular party that was guaranteed to be couples only violates the initial agreement. Other parties have different rules. This one in particular promised something, and an individual put everyone at risk by ignoring the rules, thereby violating consent.