What if you had never heard the term monogamy? Instead, you were raised to believe that loving whom you wanted was possible and even encouraged. That when you fell in lust, you were not shamed, but instead praised and even encouraged to share your good fortune or some sexy stories to an accepting audience. What if your partnership was enhanced, by for example, morning videos of sexy times that new acquaintances or loved ones shared, and that became a part of your sexual experience? What if instead of sex shaming, we were a sex positive community that promoted safe sex, and human growth in whatever sexuality made the most sense or was even intriguing in the moment? What if our sexuality was a guilt free experience?
I was raised in monogamy. I was raised to feel guilty for not settling down and raising a family at the first chance I got. I was shamed for ending an engagement and not trying harder to stay with my first love and overcome any and all obstacles together. I was told that forever was finding a partner and uniting to become you and him against the world. That was true piece of mind, and the ultimate goal. Forever, with your soul mate, never having a wandering eye or straying from the one partner you would share your bed with exclusively, forever. I was raised with the absence of non-monogamy. I knew nothing about the spectrum outside of a monogamous reality. And if anything outside creeped into my reality, it was judged, squashed and shamed, so vigorously that I barely had time to give it a second thought.
But after waking up this morning to sexy video of a new couple we are exited to hang out with, I was exuberant in the fact that I could enjoy sex with my partner, and my ongoing fantasies completely shame free. I felt normal, and healthy and sex positive! Even now, I feel zero guilt for my imagination running wild with possibilities and what ifs. And the bonus of being able to share the sexual highs with my partner, or to be on the receiving end of his sexual excitement, sigh, it is exhilarating and liberating. And I almost wish this had always been my adult reality.
I don’t necessarily regret monogamy, as that is how I was raised, and I accept that. But I do wonder how much further ahead in life I would be if I had overcome jealousy earlier in life. How that would have impacted my work and family life. And more to the fact, how much closer I would have gotten to people sooner. I lived a very closed life, safely guarded for decades. And now that I have opened the doors wide to opportunity, closeness and love, I feel this incredible joy. Hugging people I care about is no longer awkward. Saying I love you, to a platonic female friend is hard to even put into words. I am actually stumbling to describe the feeling, other than to say, I sit here with a full heart, and a huge smile on my face just thinking about how great we both felt texting a quick “I love you” after an update on our lives. I wish, in a very profound way, that I was raised to believe that expressing yourself in a full and complete way, had always been acceptable.
As I write this, I cannot help feeling that speaking my truth will be construed as bragging. And while blogging in the way I do, has definitely helped to silence the fear I get from naysayers or criticisms, if nothing else by thickening my skin considerably, I still feel this is important to share regardless of the negative opinions of others. I have found considerable joy in non-monogamy. And I find it exciting to imagine a world not confined by the social constructs of one man for one women, till death do they part. We have already seen a huge social uprising, fighting for equality of the sexes and huge exposure of sexuality and gender issues. It is a remarkable time to be alive. So much social change is occurring, I am honestly excited for the next generation to be raised free of gender norms, in the same way I feel I was raised free of racial issues. It’s a step forward, and one that I feel will ultimately bring us closer together. While multiple love may not work for everyone, at least being tolerant of it, and accepting it in friends and family, in my opinion would be a pretty cool society to live in. A place that maybe one day, had never even heard of the word monogamy. Love who you want, when you want, and for however long that you want, so long as it is mutual and brings joy to your life. In short, the possibility of living in a world where monogamy didn’t exist.
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