Making an Honest Woman Out of Me

Black rings are so sexy!

When I first used this phrase in this 2012 post, it was akin to its original meaning, whereby I was told that getting married was the only way to make an honest woman out of “me”.  Well, I am here to celebrate the fact that I am honest woman, I am not married, and, are you ready for the actual bombshell here?  I am very attracted to married men/people.  I have been reluctant to admit this for a while, because I have worried about being called a homewrecker, or having friends of mine worry that I am trying to steal their husbands, or worse, the entire post I needed to write because apparently being married should mean you may never flirt again!

The thing about it is, I believe in ethical non-monogamy.  So when I meet a person who is married, and they are willing to chat with me about open relationships, ask intelligent questions, and then show me even the slightest bit of humanity I swoon!  I cannot help it.  Everyone has a type and this one seems to be mine. 

I can only describe the feeling as “safe” or even secure, when I chat/flirt with someone who is married. Further, I just find it super attractive that they are willing to settle down.  I love the family man as someone to flirt with, have some fun, and just basically get those incredible butterfly feelings.  The other aspect is that a married person typically puts zero pressure on you. Why? They have nothing to lose, as no matter what they have someone amazing to go home to. So, it can be far more relaxing and organic if you will.

Now, if you want to me lay down on a couch and bear out my soul and delve deeper in the psychology of the married man and why I find them so easy to let my guard down with, it is probably because in my long-term relationships I choose men who are not looking to get married.  I find people who believe in autonomy and self confidence, and all the things that I strive for (and if I am honest have been failing at hard core these days).  But back on point, my long-term men are stubborn, self assured people with whom I have never chosen because one day I will get my fairy tale ending and be swept off my feet. The long term attraction is something very different, it’s chemical, and more often than not it gets my little heart hurt.

So knowing that dichotomy of what I choose for myself long term, versus what I fantasize about in the short term (or longer if that’s possible and we can get the wife and my partner and… OK, I need a moment here) is again, dare I say, swoon worthy for me.

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Now of course, at this point I need to mention that this can be very dangerous territory.  My partner and I have dated a few married couples and I think we are sitting around the 50% mark for them getting divorced.  And while I won’t go into any details here, the overall theme, in its most simple, base form, is that they got into non-monogamy to save their marriages and it failed.  Nothing to do with us.  But that does make the waters a little murky.  I don’t want to be a homewrecker.  I don’t want to put a strain on anyone else’s relationship, and I want to be free to explore and build something awesome without the fear of ruining what already could be an amazing thing.  And that really makes this tricky.  I am leery when I see couples fighting or not showing respect for each other when they are out in public, or not fully in love with each other.  I want to expand on the love, add something beautiful, or hot to it.  NOT be that person who is a catalyst to the end.

At this point, I am going to say flat out, I do not want to be messaged for threesomes.  I am not looking to be a third wheel, a unicorn, or anything of the sort. For myself, I find relationships in even numbers much easier to navigate, and by that I mean pairs, foursomes, or moresomes. In fact, I will say, I am not soliciting for anyone to reach out to me for relationships or hookups.  It is not what I am looking for right now, I am simply celebrating the fact that I can be open with digging the married men that I have met.  Making an honest woman of me has nothing to do with the antiquated belief that I need to be married to be whole.  Nope, nadda.  Instead I need partnerships, and to admit that I love married people, who also believe in ethical non-monogamy is one of the more bold statements I have made of late, and I look forward to what adventures this new realization may bring when I am ready!

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8 thoughts on “Making an Honest Woman Out of Me”

  1. Great post. I have been wearing a black ring (as a fashion choice) for a very long time, long before the whole association with the lifestyle came about. And as a very private couple, we do not advertise our lifestyle choices. But I have the ring. So (some) people ask. Leads to awkward questions and conversations. Luckily my ring is not solid black and has a gold pattern on it, so I can truthfully answer that the ring is a fashion statement. But on occasion, depending on the look I get from my wife, we can share a private moment out in public by knowing who we are and what we do, and no one else is the wiser. Makes our relationship stronger.

    1. I love everything about the private look comment. Those are the true moments that make memories! Thank you so much for sharing.

    1. Thank you for sharing that too. It’s nice to know that sometimes relationships that fall apart still have a happy ending 🙂

  2. I certainly know what you mean. It’s kinda fun to chat up someone you know there’s maybe no chance with. I don’t want them to mess around and ruin the good thing they have going, but it’s hot to think that maybe they thought about it for a while.

  3. I totally relate to this. I enjoy flirting with married people as much as I do with singles, possibly more. I do feel like I walk an ethical tightrope at times, though. My partner in non-monogamy is married, and I sometimes when I’m getting very flirty with a married person, I have to remind myself that not all married couples have the same dynamic as we do and be mindful of the fact that I don’t want to be labelled the harlot who broke up someone’s marriage.
    I really found your thoughts on this topic insightful and thought-provoking. Thanks.

    1. All of the yes with this! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts on this! Flirting is so fun, but you have to know where the line is.

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