Over the past few weeks I have written some pretty great rants for my blog. And then I read them over, and realize that nope, they are not for public consumption. Instead they are tough conversation starters that I need to have at home. And it’s funny, that that was why I started blogging in the first place, writing out the hard questions (It was called question everything). Before I developed the skills to talk about the hard stuff, I would write them down, in an ambiguous way and then just hope that the person they were about would read them, and just intuitively decode the message and we could talk about things. Spoiler alert… it NEVER happened.
But, I did get practice writing rants, raves, and general queries out to collect my thoughts. Which turned into better clarity when talking about all the difficulties in my relationship, and of course led to real changes or realizations that things had to be accepted or move on. So why am I sharing this with you? Because my friends, that is who I am. I am real, and raw and ready to tackle 2021. So get ready because I am about to start blogging about solo polyamorous dating.
For those wondering if you missed some huge breakup post or drama filled lament from me, you didn’t. Why, because there was no need to write one. I am just not a fighter. In fact, in a decade of being together we have had one screaming match… ever. I am talking one big fight, and it was after we were already broken up. I would call it an airing of our drunken grievances if nothing else. So, again, do no hold your breath for some drama fuelled I hate him post, because it just isn’t how I roll. Calm and rational to the end (well in person).
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I am going to make a tonne of mistakes, because this is a whole new world going it alone in non-monogamy. In fact, I am making one right now that I am kicking myself for (new post coming soon on that one). That being said, I have a sneaking suspicion that this go around in my relationship exploration, there are going to be a lot more posts about peoples reactions to me, and the situations they find themselves in a result of meeting yours truly. There is zero ill will intended, and in a perfect world, everyone would automatically be on the same page as me and we would have great sex and live happily ever after. But, of course we cannot have nice things, especially after 2020.
So, in true me fashion, I hope you enjoy (probably more than I will) the real and raw journey of my solo polyamorous tales going forward. I anticipate bouts of monogamy, dating tales, and well, I don’t even want to guess at all the pitfalls because I might lose my nerve to think of them. Haha! Oh, and I would love to hear your thoughts on using the term ethical when it comes to non-monogamy. For better or for worse, this is going to be a theme I touch on a few times over the next little while, because the word is already becoming problematic. But I will save that for a future post. Welcome 2021 and my continuing saga of breaking away from monogamy my way.
A huge thank you to everyone who helped fuel me through 2020 on my Patreon! Hopefully the bonus content this year will be even better with sneak peaks of new podcasts, and all the behind the scenes photos you’ve come to enjoy.
Hang in there! It can be a challenge- but maybe not so much more than it was going at it with an established nesting partner. At least mostly it’s just your feelings and issues that come into play in the immediate (of course we always consider our partners in the bigger picture) – shoot me a line if you ever want to compare notes or talk through anything!
I am mentally ready for the challenge. Let us hope I don’t mess up too badly with people hearts this go around.
This sounds like both a daunting and exciting prospect! I hope that you’ll have good people around to walk this journey with you. There’s a small possibility of dating in my future too, and I am somewhat trepidatious about it, but no doubt, just as you suggest, there’ll be some good times and interesting tales along the way.
Re the use of ‘ethical’ – I’ve always used this in dating profiles. I’ve no doubt that there are some who use it despite being far from ethical about their non-monogamy, but I found that it sometimes inspired people to open a conversation with me, particularly those who were new to non-monogamy and wanted to better understand it.
I love where you are coming from with the word ethical. Anything that sparks conversation I am game for. I hope that is how the use is viewed, but time will tell on that one.