This year, I am alone for Christmas. Did I arrive here by choice, circumstance, or simply a series of ill-timed events, it’s difficult to say. But, the end result remains the same, me, spending the entire day of Christmas, on my own. Earlier this year, I felt empowered to travel by myself. To prove that I could pretty much do anything I put my mind to, but my solo Christmas has absolutely nothing to do with pride, and everything to do with self-preservation.
2021, pretty much kept giving me gifts that I did not want. From ghoster’s (why the hell were their multiple of those???), to energy vampires, to health issues (not mine thankfully, but of a person who has played a major role in my life), and let us not forget grief (losing not one, but two inspirational woman was a bit much). And yet, here I sit, typing this out with my metal Christmas playlist, feeling a strange sense of hope for the new year.
Sure, I have spent the last two or three days crying every few moments that I am alone with my thoughts. And I anticipate that Christmas Day will be ripe with tears, a lot of self-reflection, and meditation. But, there will be a specific aim, to let the year go. To take the time to forgive those who wished to do harm, and celebrate all the incredible souls who stepped up, and made me feel loved. There were a lot of people who showed their true colours over the pandemic, for better and for worse. I can only hope that the worst ones are gone from my world. Le sigh… it’s been a year.
There is another reason it feels appropriate to be alone for this day of green and red, and that is, Christmas is a holiday to spend with your nearest and dearest. Christmas is the holiday of love. And we are inundated with stories of caution, warning us that Christmas heartache will turn us into Scrooge or The Grinch. And quite frankly, I just cannot risk tempting fate in that way. I would rather be by myself, than take a risk of being with someone who could potentially spoil this season for me permanently! And truly, with my lack of luck this year, that is exactly what would happen!
For the next few days, I’m going to fly quietly under the radar. I won’t be putting myself out there. There will be zero risk taking (which if you know me is not my norm). And if all goes well, there will be zero new stories of my random, and strange life. I will attempt to understand, reflect, and maybe jot down some stories, rather than spend any more energy making new memories. This solo Christmas is a choice I hope I never have to make again. But, it is a choice, that I am making, with intent and purpose.
I wish each of you out there the happiest of holidays, and all the warmest wishes for an absolutely incredible new year! Peace, love, and happiness for 2022. And of course, the hugest thanks to everyone who kept the beer money flowing during 2021 via my Patreon.