It’s Spring! And Here Are a Few of My Favorite Things…

 This is my first ever favorite things blog!  I always read about mainstream bloggers who write something like this, some who promote products even write one every month!  So I figured after blogging for over 6 years I am long over due!  So join me in my celebration of some of my favorites!

I love sex, my partner and orgasms.  Phew, OK, glad we got that out of the way first!  Oh, and I love dick, with consent of course! And boobs are pretty OK too!

I adore the freedom of being able to blog and express myself in a sex positive and body positive way.  While my writing is not always perfect, many readers see my passion, and will overlook a grammatical issue or two, and that leads to my next favorite thing!

My readers! You, guys, who read, ask questions, comment, and even the ones who poke fun of me are all fantastic!  I love the engagement I receive from you.  In my first few years of blogging I felt like I was a writing for an audience of just me.  While beneficial for sorting out the first few years of openness, I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few years of blogging a whole lot more!  My relationship with my blog has gone from one -sided work work work, to a fun mutual engagement.  And we can learn from each other! So thank you!

Next on the list, is beer, patios and sunshine!  I don’t think any explanation is required here as all three are supremely awesome.

Moving on, I would like to say a very special shout-out to all the men, and women, but mostly men who appreciate the sexual being I am without crossing the lines.  I know, sometimes you make mistakes and react with your small head instead of your big one, but this is what makes you my favorites.  Owning up to the mistake, and by making modifications to not do it in the future.  This whole blog of mine arose out of the mistakes I have made in non-monogamy.  I am pro at them, but I also am sincere in my desire to learn, grow and choose better reactions in the future.  And that trait is what I love about you guys!  You probably started following for the pictures, but occasionally you bring a smile to my face by reading an article or two and commenting afterwards in a completely open minded and awesome way.

And finally, I want to give a bit shout out to my library and all the books in my past, present and future.  Reading fires my soul, and being able to share my love of books with you guys and my clients is pretty amazing.  It has been an amazing challenge to write my first book (a memoir of sorts), and although I am only a 3rd of the way to my ultimate goal, it is a labour of love.  And I know there will be large sappy tears shed when I hold my first published book in my hands, which I hope won’t be too many years away!  Haha.

After jotting the list of my favorites down, I can see why other bloggers write these so often!  I feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle the spring and all the challenges that this next year is going to bring.  And now I ask you have you written your spring favorites?  I would love to hear them and keep this cycle of incredible positivity after a long winter going.  So please comment, tweet or just write a few things down just for yourself that celebrate your own favorites!

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Perceptions About Penis Size: Swingers Edition


One of my more popular posts and definitely the one that shows up in searches most frequently is  this.  With penis and porn right in the title, it’s no wonder as men are fascinated by both.  That post was written long before I ventured to a swing club, and had never been in a room with more than 2 penis’s at a time.  Life has been kind to me since then, especially now that I frequent lifestyle clubs.  If you haven’t read that post I touch on the idea that large dicks found in porn are something many men want to see and actually seek out specifically in their porn searches.

But this is the swing club edition and things are a little different in this community.  What do I mean by that?  Let’s take a look at some swinger online forums, followed by a brief description of what I see in the real world, aka, in lifestyle clubs.

Firstly lets talk about what happens online.  If a guy posts that he has a large penis, and tries to discuss how some of his partners have complained or been off put by the size, he will get shamed.  He will get called out for bragging, or lying and basically be criticized for asking about a penis that is too big.  He doesn’t even have time to address his concerns the outcry is so loud.  Which is in stark contrast to what I have read about with men viewing porn with big dicks.  It’s scientifically documented in the search histories and porn hub, but with swingers, this does not seem to follow the standard rule.  Instead, men seem almost afraid to let a large dick into their midst.  It also seems by the chastising that occurs, men don’t seem to believe large dicks are a real thing, more like mythical creatures or objects.  And every single time I see a post about a large penis, someone cries out, “you’re not measuring it right… 99 percent of guys can’t measure it properly”.  And to that, I will actually agree, because as a woman, getting a professional to measure your breasts for a properly fitting bra is something that rarely happens but should.  Bras are extremely expensive and uncomfortable when not sized properly, yet we would rather guess and test.  Women have an actual necessity and still don’t do it.  Men, I don’t know of any professional penis measurer’s, other than the very accurate toilet paper roll test (I kid! And if you google, be prewarned it’s a dangerous rabbit hole) or why you would need it.  Ok, moving on.

If a man on the other hand posts that he’s worried about being to small, every manor of male rushes to boost his confidence.  With don’t worry about it, make sure you focus on oral, or bring toys, or we gotcha, women don’t actually care about large cocks.  It’s astounding the comradery about a small dick, versus the shame of a large dick.  In the online forum world it seems good to be small or average and very very bad to be large.  Basically, the polar opposite to the porn we all seem to watch.  So I’m left a little puzzled.  Men of the swinger world, are you OK with watching a large cock on a laptop because you know it isn’t real?  Does having one in the swinging community feel a little too close to home?  Does it perhaps make you feel a little insecure? Or make it an uneven penis pool?  I’m just throwing ideas out there, because swinging men resoundingly do not like talking about big dicks.  I on the other hand love it!

Now ladies, I have the funniest feeling we may be part of the problem here.  Have you ever told your partner that his size was just fine and you wouldn’t change a thing?  Have you ever said that you would be afraid of a larger penis or something to that extent?  And further to that, did you actually mean it?  If you did, and you believe all these things, then perfect, good on you.  But isn’t swinging about variety, and trying something you don’t normally get?  I ask this, because when couples share an account on online discussions, the men talk quite a bit differently and much more open minded.  They will say things like, I want my wife to be satisfied.  I am A OK with a larger guy because she likes it, and her happiness means everything to me.  And all these responses are perfectly fine, we should be able to express our opinions freely, I just get a little pissed off when every single large penis is shamed for asking questions.  And further women who do care about penis size are actually stigmatized for being “size queens” and frowned upon in the online setting.  Mostly by men who are obviously immature and insecure, oh wait did that sound judgy?  My bad.  Maybe I have a sweet spot for them because I get absolutely destroyed online if I complain that a cannot find clothes to fit me.  Tiny frame, large breasts, my goodness don’t get me started on trying to buy a bikini!  Those things are expensive and I have to buy 2 sets because they don’t sell tops and bottoms separately!  And people don’t like hearing that because the jealousy and envy supersedes my issue.  OK, tangent over.

Now let’s move into the real world.  For you see, most outsiders believe that a swing club/sex club is basically live porn so obviously there should be massive cocks everywhere.  Le sigh, this just isn’t the case though, sorry, the secrets is out, we are just normal, everyday people.  So let’s delve into what real world penis’s look like and how actual men react to them.  In a club setting… nobody cares!  Yup, that’s right.  The stigma is almost entirely an online phenomenon.  If there are real life insecurities, they are dealt with behind closed doors, and almost exclusively come down to, are you ready for this? Getting it up!  Personality, conversation, humour, supersede the penis size.  I have never once heard a guy lean over to another guy and ask how big he is down there prior to playtime, unless there has been too much booze, as some people are just tactless assholes no matter where they are.  So, in summary as is almost always the case, you cannot trust the internet.  What we google search, what we talk about and what happens in the real world are vastly different things.  So relax, and enjoy what you got.  And if you think I’m being sexist, re-read this post swapping male anatomy for breasts, boobs, etc and you will see that we are all equal when it comes to judgement.

Thanks so much for reading.  And if you liked this post, and want to see more, I am revamping my Patreon to give my readers and followers what they really want… that’s right, more boobs (all in support of my book writing endeavors).

 

Never Have I Ever

It’s remarkable the changes that can happen in just a few years and the little things that most poignantly display that contrast between who you were and who you now are.  Never Have I Ever is a drinking game, whereby you drink to admit to all the things you have done in your life that the speaker has not.  You go around in a circle, learning all the little dirty secrets of your friends via shot guzzling admission.  And when I first played the game in my late teens I hated it.  Everyone around me was getting drunk, admitting to wild and crazy fun and there I was just sitting sipping my beer and lamenting my choices.  It was a game that made me feel like a prude.  And all I was left with, was being the sober one to clean up all the messes from the guys who got sloppy.  I’m confident that many were lying but that is beside the point.  Even the “Never Have I Ever” statements they came up with were more interesting than what I felt I had accomplished or experienced.

In summation, my life was lame!

Flash forward to a decade and half later, and I am on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.  Whereby I don’t think I can safely survive playing that game now!  And please don’t get me wrong, this is not a humble brag.  In fact, I’m not sure that I can take credit for instigating even half of my amazing experiences over the past 8 years.  The responsibility for me exploring outside of my safe shell lies almost entirely with my partner.  His sense of adventure.  His lust for almost never saying no, and the overall quest to live life to the fullest and actually experience living has brought me to a place where I never expected to be (see what I did there?).

But this blog isn’t about him, it’s about me.

My exploration of non-monogamy has left me unable to safely play drinking games that involve sexual exploits.  I know, what a terrible problem to have.  But the last time I played it was almost embarrassing.  Never have I ever had a threesome… drink.  Had a foursome… drink.  Gone to a swing club… drink.  Got naked in public… drink.  Flashed a stranger… drink.  Sex in public… drink.  And now that I can’t stand up because I am so intoxicated, everyone is staring at me wondering, who is this average looking girl in our midst?  She seemed normal enough.  Does she live some sort of double life?  Is she lying?  Look at how red her face is!  Maybe she doesn’t know how the game works and thought she was supposed to drink every time she agreed with the never have I ever statement…. Hmmmm!

Over the past little while, while doing some soul searching and research for my first book, I find myself laughing quite frequently at where I am right now in life.  19 year old me would be shocked, and maybe a little horrified to know that Never Have I Ever is now a game my liver is terrified of.  And while that may seem like a silly, or minute example to you, in my mind it’s the perfect description of my complete 180.  It’s like I have shed the skin of the shy, timid, prude of the past, and am now looking in the mirror at a whole new me.  A sexy, confident, sex positive force to be reckoned with (well with enough liquid courage, some things haven’t changed that much!).   So farewell, to the drinking games of my past, and perhaps a hello there, to the Twister of my future?

Do you want to join in the conversation?  Please consider joining my Patreon

 

Couples Sex Toy? Oh My… YES! [Product Review]

When I saw an e-mail go out a few weeks back asking if anyone wanted to review the “We-Vibe Match Couples Vibrator” I pounced on the opportunity.  If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you probably know that I do not endorse products unless I love them, which usually means that there are a few awesome book recommendations and that’s about it.  So for me to get totally stoked for an opportunity like this, you know it has to be good!

And if you follow me on twitter you may have seen my teaser post showing how I was beyond stoked when my little brown box of goodies arrived.  And by goodies, I do mean that it contained not only sex toys, but chocolate!  So right from the get go, Betty’s Toy Box, had my full attention and I was so excited to do some real world product testing!  So let’s get the specs out of the way so we can get onto the fun shall we?  It’s a product designed in Canada and made out of silicon, so right away, my sex positive little brain was happy.  And I was delighted to find that it had a variety of buzzing options (10 to be exact) operated by a teeny tiny little remote, which I bravely placed in my partners hand after the recommended 90 minute USB charging was complete.  The toy itself fits comfortably in the palm of your hand at just slightly over 3″ and comes with a 2 year warranty!  Phew, that’s done.  So with our water based lube in hand we were ready to get testing!

Now, because it’s a couples toy, the actual U shaped vibrator is designed for hands free play.  So you can insert it, for a buzzing pleasure enhancement of the clitoris and internal experience.  But we really wanted to see what it could do before inserting.  So my partner and I explored just how powerful the vibrations would be on his shaft.  And my my, was that ever fun!  With a tongue out and buzzing penis placed on it, he excitedly pressed all the buttons to see just what the power level could ramp up to!  And it did not disappoint.  It held on comfortably, but not too tight when placed at the base of the shaft and that motor could clearly be felt on the tip of my tongue!  Obviously, I was beyond excited at this point and ready to use it for its intended purpose, which was a vibrator on my clitoris, and the flatter side of the U shape comfortably inserted right inside me.

And once his penis was all lubed up, he transformed from a thrusting power house, to a vibrating enhanced pleasure rod!   It was fabulous.  With him clicking away, we finally settled on a rising crescendo for the duration of our first testing.  It created an additional intensity that was both exciting to anticipate and explosive when the high was hit.  The sensory overload this created was absolutely amazing, even though it was not quite hitting my clitoris.  For me, I need constant and direct pressure applied, so while it didn’t hit my mark consistently, that is not a flaw of the toy, just a bodily difference that I have.  The overall erogenous zones were most assuredly hit, and with the comfortable silicon material the only thing that was a little jarring was the cold lube (I am more used to silicon, but water based is the way to go with toys).

After a bunch of amazing orgasms as a couple, I had to try the toy all my own too.  And it did not disappoint.  While I typically prefer external toys for personal play, there was something pretty erotic to using this particular toy all by myself.  It didn’t stay in place without a partner, but it did offer very competitive buzzing and a selection of playful settings to that of my trusted hot pink vibrator (by Fun Factory).

So in keeping this brief and sexy, if you are looking to add an little extra oomph in the bedroom or simply enhance your already amazing playtime, I would highly recommend the We-Vibe Match.  It is noticeably smaller in size than it’s predecessor, so I feel comes off as less intimidating and much more comfortable, even for a new user.  And with this, nothing was taken away from the power of it.  In fact, it charges faster, and lasts longer than the We-Vibe 3.  In short, a job well done, and incredibly satisfying.  So to all you sex positive, amazing couples out there, please check the couples vibrator by We-Vibe through this handy link.  And if you’re looking for something a little different, by all means shop away Betty’s Toy Box’s website using my handy little affiliate link!  Happy shopping and sexing!

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Questioning Monogamy as Female Driven


I was sent a very click bait titled article yesterday from a friend of mine, called “Asking if Women are Ill Suited to Monogamy”.  I was intrigued none the less, and thankful that he vetted the article before sending it and had warned me that the title was deceptive and the contents were well worth the read.  If you’re listening to the audio, I highly recommend pausing and clicking on the article that I’ve linked here.  Ok, has everyone read it?  Perfect.

So here is a common narrative that many would agree is promoted in our society; that women are considered the driving force behind monogamy, and wants to settle down for a variety of reasons including the “parental investment theory”.  And this goes hand in hand with the “good girl” vernacular that has been re-enforced throughout the generations.  I was definitely raised and fully conditioned to believe this, hook, line and sinker.  In fact, I not only believed it, but I even tried to take monogamy to the extreme, by choosing a man who was my first, and only sexual partner to marry.  And thus I was so taken in by the one and only for life reasoning that not even my imagination was safe to wander.  For a seemingly extreme example when I was monogamous, I felt overwhelming guilt anytime someone other than my boyfriend would pop into my head during a sex dream.  It was so ingrained in me that I would try and force myself to think of him as I fell asleep to try and prevent anyone else from sneaking in there during my deepest dreams.  And I think that may be why I started to dream I was a man, who slept with a bunch of women.  My dream state wanted to explore and was going to find every single loophole it could to accomplish that.  But we will save Freud and dream analysis for another time.

And that’s just one example of what indoctrination can do to a person, even something a seemingly innocuous as monogamy.   And just one of the many instances that I look back upon my time in monogamy and realize it just wasn’t for me.  But getting back to the article, the suggestion is that non-monogamy may be the cure for low libido with a focus on women.  That there is evidence to suggest when women fantasize about other men, their sex drive increases.  Thus, making the current female monogamy narrative seem more like a myth.  Are our libidos and this relationship norm actually at odds?  It’s certainly an interesting subject.  And one that I am excited to explore further.

So, for my perspective in all of this, I have to be completely honest that while my mental well being is much better off being non-monogamous and my fantasies and dream state far more satisfying, my sex drive has not actually changed.  I have always had a higher than average sex drive.  So, I cannot entirely relate to the notion of sex dropping off by nearly 40 percent when in a long term monogamous relationship.  Having said that, there is ample evidence that this is the standard norm and I do hear it often enough from friends and clients.  So, as I’m starting to get a little more used to, I may again be the outlier so we have to discount my personal experience for the time being.

Because women are taught that sex always dies in the end, and thus marrying your best friend is the most important criteria for a long lasting marriage, there has been more comradery in sexual bedroom death rather than addressing it as an issue.  And this has also legitimized the false notion that men are more sexual than women.  It is such an important realization to acknowledge that there may be a problem with reduced sex drive in women and then be forced to look beyond a magic blue pill to fix that.  And further to start exploring social factors including more variety of partners just like we have been lead to believe men require for so long.  The fact that we are bridging the gender gap in sexuality is incredible, by exploring a female’s sexual experience and not just the males?  I am so pleased with the questions beyond the quick fixes.

So, while I love the thought provoking points I really want to caution my readers in regards to the last paragraph in the referenced article.  The author is surmising that women are going to become more masculine in their sexuality, and by that she says we will see “more women getting laid and leaving, having sex without wanting to bond, more girls up in their rooms clicking on their computer and masturbating before they get started on their homework.”  I personally think it’s a huge mistake to call these behaviours masculine or feminine.  If your sexuality allows for less of an emotional bond with sex, we should not conclude you are more masculine.  Nor should we surmise that masturbating to release an itch before work, or a project is gender specific.  It’s a harmful narrative to promote.  We cannot educate in a sex positive way by relegating sexuality to gender or boxes like that.  Instead we need to promote more fluidity.  As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I tried to force my brain to dream in a way that was socially acceptable to monogamy, and my brain broke free… continually.  So with that in mind, we don’t want to make the mistake of shifting our thought process from one gender to the next.  Instead we must explore sexuality as a whole, or whenever possible, on an individual basis.

So to all my readers, give yourselves permission to explore your sexuality in a way that excites you and makes you feel like a complete being, to whatever end brings you joy.  If living a narrative of monogamy makes you feel complete and satisfied by all means keep doing what you’re doing.  And if you have an itch that may need scratching, talk to your partner, and see if there is a way that you can incorporate fantasy or reality into your life.  You no longer have to accept that long term commitments will inevitably leave you without a satisfying sex life.  We are living in exciting times, where articles like this are being written and researched, allowing us to break free of ingrained social narratives and become just a little more aware that being the “good girl” isn’t always the answer and does not always mean you are going to live happily, sexually satisfied, ever after.

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