Blogging Archives | Breaking Away from Monogamy

Write on the board 50 times:

I am valid, and my words Matter!

I do not have to always explain myself. My experiences are valid! #SorryNotSorry!

What is something you need to write out 50 times? Let’s share, and lift each other up with words of validation and encouragement. And a special shout out to those willing to share some beer money!

Compassion, Empathy, Love

( Trigger Warning: Please note that the following poem is a raw and real release, kindly skip this post if you are not comfortable with reading triggering phrases )

To the man who gaslit me,

To the man who ghosted me,

You are no longer in control my thoughts even though you once consumed me.

To the man who hit me,

To the man who raped me,

You will never own my spirit even though you broke my body.

To the woman who violated me,

To the woman who demeaned me,

May you learn from my coldness, grow from my absence, and never again control another.

To the people who raised their voices,

To the people who ran to their keyboards,

May you face your foes in person, may you know true dialogue, and the art of real argument.

I have committed many errs,

I have made many mistakes,

My vow is to continuous learning, growth, and being accountable for my wrongs.

Compassion is king, empathy is queen, and love is our ace in the hole.

A huge thank you to everyone for their loving support of this blog, and all my endeavours. And of course, for keeping the beer flowing.

It’s been 2 months of living solo, and whether by design, necessity, or circumstance, my new place has turned into a boy free zone. And I am not quite sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, having a place where not one man has my address is completely freeing. And thus, it has become my sanctuary. On the other hand, it’s tough to know for sure if this is due to me just not feeling anyone is worthy of coming over, or if I’ve just been holding out for that one special person. If you had asked me 5 years ago if I even thought there was just one special person, I would have said hell no! We can have multiple, and thus, by extension, I should by now, have given my address to multiple men, living wildly in my free and single youth-ish? Yet, here I sit, in my boy free zone.

I’ve written a few times in my Medium articles about this idea that any relationship is valid, so long as you and your partner choose it. And this, this is the relationship I want. One that works for my partner and I. One that we come up with together, suits our lifestyles, and brings both of us the highest possible level of joy. First though, I have to find that partner. Wait… am I even doing this right? Is this even a thing? Am I once again, out on an ideological limb, forging a path in the most dense forest I can possibly find?

Now though, I am just not sure what I want in a long term relationship. I know, for my regular readers you’ve seen my back and forth over the past few years, with my uncertainty becoming more and more prominent. And of course I know that that is not the way I am supposed to do things. As time goes on, I am supposed to gain clarity and a sense of what I want. But… and here is the big but… I am stuck with the idea that I must first discover who I want. And that, will lead me to discover what type of relationship I will want to forge.

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Yeah, probably. Because that seems to be what I do best. Get an idea, then just run with it, headstrong and fancy free?!? So, again that brings me to this whole “no boys allowed” thing. If I want a partner, and I want to forge my own path, why I am being so protective about my space? Why am I not allowing boys to come on over? Again, I find myself with more questions than answers, clinging to this hope that this will all work out for me. It must, right?!?!

I have a year lease, so I hope that at some point over the next year, I get to write about actually having my first boy over! Cause that would be pretty spectacular! But, with my luck lately, I should probably not try and get too far ahead of myself. Baby steps. One little plan at a time. For now, boy free is working, or I have just accepted that it is what it is. I do hope that special soul is out there, wanting to be the first one invited. But my life continues to remain weird.

Beer money can be given to yours truly via my Patreon! And yes, there is a behind the scenes photo from this blog post on there… 🙂

Another New Year is Upon Us

I went into the New Year with a strange optimism that things simply had to be better than they were last year. My actual New Years Eve was incredible, and if I’m honest, came as a complete surprise (no pun intended). And thus, I felt a confidence that this, in fact would be my best year yet. Sitting here, 2 weeks in, I am not quite sure how I am feeling about anything.

One of my friends aptly pointed out that there is still plenty of time for the year to be an incredible turning point for us, and perhaps there is “just a bit of rubble and debris to clear away first!”. I’m not sure quite how I ended up with such wise and amazing friends, but here I sit, re-reading that text over and over. Clearing out the remnants of last year, is so visceral and quite frankly a perfect way of describing this weird place I find myself in.

My solo Christmas was my time to fall back in love with my book. And I am proud to say that I am on draft 3! It’s an accomplishment that I am so incredibly proud of, and yet, it is still so challenging to read, edit, and feel all the things that experienced in my last relationship. It just hasn’t gotten easier. And I find myself inexplicably raw, and caught up in … just the feelings of it all. Enter in my New Years commitment to Yoga and stretching as a daily practice.

I am committed to doing the 30 day yoga challenge, with the ultimate goal of having yoga just be my daily norm. There would be weeks at a time last year, where I was just too drained, busy, or unmotivated to move my body. 2022 has really been my year to change that. While there was one day, I did not complete my practice due to a complete emotional breakdown, I still put in a solid effort to do most of it. I don’t think I even came close to having this great a track record at any point of physical activity in the past. After about 5 days in a row, my motivation wanes, or I tell myself that I deserve to take that break. Which, often turns into a cycle, and rarely is just one day off.

Shockingly, to me anyways, I have written almost every day since just before Christmas. While, my publications have been a little less active, there is so much in the works, behind the scenes that I was actually a little shocked to see the date of my last blog post. A Canadian sorry to all of those who have been waiting for updates on my life! Haha. This year will be a continuation of growth, learning, and ultimately, completing some incredibly intense projects that I have on the go. My hopes of course are that my love life will finally come into fruition, but… if I’ve learned anything from last year, forcing anything is just not my reality. All I can do is try, be authentic, and allow my heart to do what it does best (any guesses what that is?).

So to all of you, I truly hope you ended 2021 in good health, spirits, and with a optimistic outlook for 2022. If we all work together, we can learn from past mistakes, and work towards a brighter, more amazing future! Sending warm thoughts, and well wishes to all!

Cheers,

Krys

For all my writing updates, posts, behind the scenes photo’s, or just to keep the beer flowing, please check out my Patreon BreakingAway

Stop Preying on the Vulnerable

No Means NO!

I shouldn’t have to have my guard up when I am being vulnerable: And yet, here we are again. A lot has happened in my personal life over the past month or so, and in order to understand it and process, I write about it. Yet, without fail, when I show the slightest vulnerability, my DM’s get flooded with personal messages from strangers asking if I’m OK. If there is anything they can do, and wishing that they lived closer so they could hug me. Reality check here, that is predatory behaviour. Do not think for one freaking second that I do not know what you wish me crying on your shoulder would lead to. As always, no means no!

I make my only presence clear, that I do not like private messages, especially from strangers. There is no grey area to this. I am perfectly clear, and repeat myself every few months. And yet, here I am, dealing with something intense and finding that I have to have my guard up against douchebags, preying on my vulnerability.

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I am so freaking done with that behaviour. So done. Like beyond done. I deserve to show my feelings in a safe space. I demand that. And if you don’t accept that, don’t follow me. But ask yourself first, why you think my feelings and clear demands for consent are not valid to you. Why do you think you get to supersede my clear words? Why is it that you believe you are an exception?

Yeah, you’re not going to like that answer if you actually think about it. Why? Because, you will find that you are the quintessential “all men” that you probably hate hearing about. Sorry, but I am not sorry! This is ridiculous how many times I have to state the same thing. I should not have to constantly demand respect, not should any other woman.

Yes, I post sexy photos. Yes, I write about taboo subjects, and absolutely if you follow me on Twitter you will see that I don’t hold much back. I am real, bold, and proud of who I am! None of these things should make me a target for dick pictures, lewd messages, or thinly veiled openers to “get inside my private space”. I am quite comfortable in the public sphere, and believe me, I can handle the majority of people. What I cannot abide are those individuals who believe rules don’t apply to them. That is a garbage take, and I want you out of my life… right MEOW!

Here is a list, for easy reference of a few other times I have ranted about this, while I sit here baffled that I have to type this out again:

Consent: Why is this Not Getting Through?

Human Beings Have a Right to Say NO

No Means No

Saying No Can be Difficult as a Woman

If you have written anything on this subject, I welcome you to add it to the comments section of this post, or on social media. I will be retweeting all of the articles in hopes of getting through to someone out there who needs to hear this. For those rare individuals who want to atone for bad behaviour of the past, please share this post (after reading a few articles and what others have had to say), and then feel free to buy me a beer via my Patreon!

Category: Blogging

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Compassion, Empathy, Love

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Boy Free Zone… ?!?

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Another New Year is Upon Us

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No Means NO!

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