Thankful for Friends Who Have Become My Family

The song “When a Man Loves a Woman” is one I am sure most of you out there have heard. There is line that goes, he would “Turn his back on his best friend if he puts her down.”  This line is very powerful in its implications, to love someone so much that you would lose your best friend if they said an unkind word about him/her.  As a child, I wanted to love someone that badly.  I wanted to feel that burning power of love, that passion for one person whom I would give up all my friends for if they were too blind to see the amazing thing we had.  Is this not what love is?  Something you would risk everything for?  Everything except your family that is.
Yes, sadly there is a but in this sentiment.  You can give up friendship for a love, but you are not allowed to give up your family.  Your family can make you choose, say the most unkind things imaginable, rationalized because they know what is best for you.  They love you unconditionally, so you must put up with all their crap and never waiver.  Your love can move any mountain, unless your family does not agree with your choice.  Because we all know love is a choice, and we choose to fall in love with the knight in shining armor, or the sleeping beauty high atop the highest tower. 
I grew up in an environment where your family judging you was acceptable because they loved you.  They wanted you to achieve great and wonderful things in life, love and everything in between.  The stakes are high, and the person that makes you happy is not the same as the person who will be loved by your extended family.  Perhaps every family is like that, where there is constant criticism disguised as “what’s best for you” and “just looking out for your best interests”.  That inability to just be happy for a family member, because that individual is truly happy is something often forgotten in my family.  Following your heart is the most wonderful feeling in the world, unless of course your family disapproves. 
I watch, mystified, and shocked that significant others in my life, and those of my family are told they have to prove themselves to have a seat at the dinner table.  To be welcomed inside the homes of those I grew up with these people that bring joy to our lives are given hurdles that they must jump.  No mistakes are allowed, the courtship must be flawless, date, love, never get angry and then get married.  And of course start popping out babies, for that is the true testament in my clan.  Babies born inside of wedlock can erase every single sin that you have ever committed.  All is forgiven, but not always forgotten.

I write this post because love is not always easy.  I write it because I see pain around me, in the harsh and hypocritical judgements.  Those who should read this and open their eyes never will.  I have made peace with that, and yet I still write it with that infallible hope that I cling to.  Love conquers all, or at least it should.  I lament the pain that I watched this thanksgiving, and I am shocked by the numbness I felt in the continued exclusion I have come to accept.  When love doesn’t conquer the cruel judgemental nature of your own family, I turn to my friends who are more family then I ever could have dreamed, and of course wine.

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Birthday Fantasies Stopped in the Making

With my 30th birthday being an inevitable reality, I have been looking into a little spice shall we say.  Just putting out some sexy feelers and perhaps starting my 30’s with a very fun night or two.  So far it is not going as smoothly as I had hoped, and with that said, I am running into some surprising roadblocks.  As I wrote in my last piece, I am always surprised that people encourage others to sleep with strangers.  I may be a little old fashioned in my thinking, but I prefer to get down and dirty with people I actually know, so there is accountability for safety, and feelings should they arise.  Now I am not saying that I sleep with all or even any of my friends, but a little conversation prior to is a must for me.

Now here is the situation that had me almost rolling my eyes.  A guy that I have chit chatted with for a couple of months has a fantasy.  A fantasy very similar to the one linked here.  Now this is something that although I find pretty hot under the correct circumstances is not exactly what I had in mind for my 30th.  So I put out the feelers to see if the chick he is seeing would be interested in a foursome.  The reply was that he liked her, and that he would not be willing to share someone he liked, and if I wanted he could try and find someone else.  I have heard similar things said many times on the great big interweb, but never once have I actually encountered this in real life.  I suppose that I convinced myself that there is no sex negativity in the people I choose to associate with.  Or maybe that they would not be silly enough to admit these thoughts to me, knowing full well that I write this stuff down and share it!
The bottom line for me is that people who sleep together are not objects devoid of thoughts and feelings.  To exclude a person because you care about them just fundamentally seems wrong to me.  That is the very person that you should talk to about fantasies, about doing fun things together.  If they are not into it, that is perfectly fine, but they should not be excluded.  Does it not make more sense that your sex life be as exciting as possible with those you love and care about rather than reserved for strangers?  Why should we give up certain fun times just to be in a committed relationship?  I would much rather strive to have all good things, and not compromise, or allow myself to be compromised.
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Another Year of Blogging in the Books

My blog began over 2 years ago with My Blogging Reason, and thankfully readership is constantly increasing a I share my quest in Questioning Everything.  Relationships fascinate me, and as I watch human interaction shift from face to face, into the world of technology via text, social media, and the constant need to globalize communication, I am motivated to continue writing.  I live an open lifestyle, and my blog takes you along on my journey of human interaction, books, and social media.  I often look to history, archaeological and anthropological records to question why we are evolving away from human to human contact and what that may mean in the future.  I dichotomize that with my personal goal of meeting more people, loving more and bringing positivity wherever possible.

I understand and appreciate that many out there do not agree with my personal life choice.  Atheist, libertarian, non-monogamist, and general outside of the box thinker, I recognize there is a lot to disagree with.  I am open to criticism, challenging of ideas and of course just general discussions and variations to my opinions and viewpoints. In saying this, I am always amazed to hear that people who absolutely disagree with my beliefs continue to read and support me, and I thank and love you all for continuing to read and share my journey.

I do not know what year three will bring, or what new information I will dig up and discover about myself and the world around me.  I do know I would not be able to write without the constant support and feedback that I get, or the random words of encouragement to continue finding myself, and exploring relationship norms.  Life moves pretty quickly, so much so, I am nearly a month late in acknowledging my own 2 year blog-a-versary!

Thank you all for sticking with me this far!


Why Do I Write About Myself and Sex

I truly believe that we live in a sex negative world and this is a direct result of poor sex education by both parents and teachers of all sorts.  I look fondly back at the opportunities that I was afforded with my sex educational past.  I was lucky enough to have a sex positive mother, and only as an adult am I finding out that I have sex positive grandparents (which I am thankful for finding out as an adult and not a child).  And although I went through the Catholic education system, I always lucked out with incredibly open minded individuals who recognized the necessity to provide their students with honest and open dialogue about sex and contraceptives. 
So I recognize that many out there have not been quite so fortunate with opportunities to ask questions, and have enough educational opportunities where sex was not a big scary thing to be feared or hidden.  In recognizing these differences I realize how important it is for me to share my sexual and relationship journey publicly.  I feel that there are so many questions and issues that I run into on a daily basis, that I can only imagine what my brain would feel like having to suppress or feel guilt for even having those thoughts.
Knowing that a few of my facebook friends are squeamish in reading my posts and would prefer just not clicking and reading along is a choice that I absolutely respect.  But I also know that every so often I get that e-mail that brings me to tears in that I have made a connection with a perfect stranger because I am writing about a subject that they can connect with on some level.  I have been toying with the idea of perhaps changing the format of what I write about to be more generalized and perhaps even to use fictitious characters so that I may write about a few subjects that I do not feel comfortable publicizing.  I have written a few posts this week in this nature, and when I reflected on them I just did not feel that they did my blog any justice.  I write about myself because my honest nature allows me a opportunity to share things that I do not feel a lot of people feel comfortable sharing but have curiosity or questions about. 
This is my sexual and relationship journey and although it may squick a few of you out, I can do nothing but be sincere in my failures and triumphs when it comes to dealing with those around me.  And the biggest thing is that writing about sex is important.  It promotes sex positivism with increased education, increase communication and an added bonus of better sexual relationships and communication with our partners.  What it boils down to, upon reflection, I am proud of what I write and how I write it, and although I was tempted to reformat and increase readership that way, at the end of the day it means more to me to look back upon my writing with personal pride than just increasing traffic for the masses.
So happy holidays to all, and I will be back with more stories and tales for the new year.  

It’s My Party And I Will Cry If I Want To…

Every birthday I am reminded of the most important relationship that each of has, and that is the relationship with ourselves.  For almost longer than I care to admit I did not like myself.  Birthdays have always been that time of year where I could not seem to escape that realization, so I cried.  I have cried on my birthday every year of my life, well up until quite recently.  I remember my mom asking me year after year why I was crying and I always said that I did not know, to which she would just hug me and say that maybe I just needed a good cry and to join the party when I was ready.  When I first heard the song “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”, I was so excited to use that line with my mom on my next birthday.  And sure enough on my 9th birthday I exclaimed those very lyrics through tears.  I felt that it bothered my mom when I cried so I made great efforts to hide it.

I was very afraid of people wishing me happy birthday all throughout my childhood in fear that I would suddenly burst into tears.  Soon I began to plan all my parties on a day other than the 28th, and to any one significant in my life I would ask that we just stayed home on that day and have a nice home cooked meal or something very low key.  I know just writing this makes me sound a little crazy, I mean who in their right mind actually avoids people on their birthday because they are afraid of crying in public?  Well I sure did, and I had no clue that I was doing this up until the birthday that I did not shed a tear.  I remember waking up the day after in shock that I made it through that whole day without even a sniffle or painful eye burning sensation as the tears well up and you try not to blink a single one out.

It has only been a few years of tear free birthdays, but it is a real victory for me to be able to look back on the previous year and know that I am happy with myself, that I am happy with the decisions made in the previous year and that I can look in the mirror with a tear free smile.  I look forward to many more years of the same mentality and I wish the same to all my readers.  

And if any of you want to buy my that birthday treat why not get some of my behind the scenes NSFW pictures in return? Or some hot erotica short stories? Click here to do both!