Happy One Year of Blogging to Me

On July 31, 2011 I made the decision to start blogging, and a few days later in August I pressed the share button and allowed my Facebook friends to see my writing.  Within a month of that I sent out my first e-mail to explain to a few members of my family and friends why I was writing and to ask for support.  I have been following some amazing blogs, which you can view by clicking on my profile, and have received some pretty consistent support from the online community.  Not only and am I celebrating one year of writing, over 60’000 words typed, and over 100 posts, but I am also celebrating 20`000 page views which leaves me in awe.  I have had comments, e-mails and Facebook messages which have given me a wave of emotion, mostly reactionary tears (in the most heartfelt way). 
All in all it has been an incredible year starting on an incredible low in trying to find where I fit in, and exploring outside of the box.  I have read some pretty meaningful books, and had some great one on one, conversations with people in my life about the agreement that monogamy just does not feel as natural as western society has lead the majority of us to believe. 
But here is what you the readers have said, Blank blog was the most controversial as shown by over 20 comments.  And so far the most popular has been Saying No Can Be Difficult as a Woman, with Sex Positive and Safe Sex a very close second.  I am starting to show up more in keyword searches online and not always for known reasons.  For example, “bubble bath in a lightning storm”, and more recently “best boobs of stampede”.  All in all though I look forward to another amazing year of writing and I am so happy to be able share my blogs first birthday with such an incredible fan base.

Valentines Day, A Childhood Rite of Passage

Today is the day of love, named for the celebration of Saint Valentine.  Though for many of us its merely a marketing experiment gone right, in the light of making money, or getting laid.  So for all you out there getting engaged, celebrating anniversaries, and all around making the most of this day of red, pink, and white enjoy.  To the couples who do things right with wine, flowers, chocolate and a sultry romp in those silk sheets saved for special occasions this day is for you.  Just one tiny little query, why do we only do this one day a year?  Why is it acceptable for a guy to swoon on this one day of the year and romance his sweetheart without reprimand?  Why is a gal walking on cloud nine, clutching that white rose proudly to her chest this one day and only one day a year?
The cynical answer is that as mentioned above, the marketing gods are geniuses.  This is the day to propose, the day to send your love to that secret crush, the day where anything goes and the fear of rejection is at it’s lowest point of the year.  We as a society have learned to give and receive Valentines cards from a very young age, and taught the ever important lessons of being a gracious recipient no matter who the sender is.  It’s a harsh world out there for budding love, but less so on February 14th. 
My earliest memory of this was when I was in grade two, I received a giant Hersey’s kiss from an anonymous sender.  I of course blushed and was quick to divide it up between my friends and eat it without a second thought.  I’m not entirely sure the advice or reprimanding I received when I told my mom of the days events later that evening.  But I remember the following year when I received a gift box of pink cologne and bubble bath from the same anonymous sender that I had to find out who this generous gift giver was.  I found the guy, was a little disappointed, yet I graciously said thank you and gave a quick peck on his cheek.  I knew I made his day, and displayed an appropriate amount of gratitude without going too far.  As evidence of this I did not have to `marry` him in the playground later that day as so many of my girlfriends did.    
This event is what both males and females learn during Valentines Day, the freedom to give gifts to whomever you fancy, and gracious recipients who make you feel like a million bucks.  This is one of our first imprinted memories of dealing with the opposite sex and experiencing their reactions in a public setting.  It`s a deep seeded social experiment and ritual that we have firmly in place.  Remember the kid who had an empty box one year, were you the kid who scribbled your name off of one of your gifts and quickly added it to their box before the tears welled up?  What about the kid who had the box that was overflowing?  Did you feel a twinge of jealousy walking by, wishing you had that level of popularity without knowing what that word meant?  These are the Valentines day rites of passage that children in our society experience and probably have little recollection of just what level of impact this really had.
Generally though we remember our first significant gift, as I do with the giant chocolate and that sets the tone or level of how we give and receive in the future.  I wonder now if the sender had been someone that I liked, would my prerogative on this holiday be different?  Would this day be a day to celebrate and hold in high esteem?  For those who experienced the butterflies at such an early age do you have a greater romantic connection with this holiday?  Or for the kid who received nothing, is this why you hate this day and take such limited risks when it comes to opening your heart and experiencing love?  Whatever this day has meant to you in the past, I encourage all of you to attempt to not allow this day to be a one day a year event.  Give little gifts, letters, or special desserts throughout the year.  Share your love and take a few more risks throughout the year.  Don’t disregard the important lessons of the day, rather have the love, laughter and romance as often as you can.

A New Year and New Challenges

I wrote a blog in anger, and as a result I will not link to although it did receive more comments than any other I have written.  Thus I have not been able to write for the past few days.  However in working through how I was going to resolve or let go of an issue that has burdened me for years I started working towards a revelation of such.  I had no idea how much my view point changed when it came to open relationships and how it actually has altered the way I deal with my family.  I remember receiving harsh criticism for not having my biological dad in my life as an active member and how hard it was for many in my life to accept.  However this was a choice that was made out of years of issues and pain.  I broke the mould in my household by taking a stance and choosing what was right for me at the time and not the expectation.
I have been raised to believe through and through that you must accept your family for what they are.  To take in stride their faults and strengths which I have gone into great detail previously here However why does this have to be the case.  If someone whom you share blood with treats you poorly and causes you undue stress and pain, why is the expectation to constantly forgive and forget?  If it was a chosen relationship the advice that you would receive would be to cut that person out of your life, but when it comes to family we are given different advice.  So does that then mean that family has free reign to treat it’s members in any fashion that they see fit?   How can that possibly be fair, or healthy for that matter?  I have spent the past week trying to analyze the bigger picture surrounding challenging societal norms and living to find my own happiness.  Unfortunately there is a price to pay for such things. And I publicly announce that I am finished fighting for what I deserve when it comes to my family.  After 28 years it turns out that I will be treated the same no matter what choices or responses I try to cleverly come up with.  I need to start focusing on the bigger picture and see how this affects my personal life and happiness and make choices towards that and not my own ego or sense of purpose.

How we relate to our family plays a critical role in how we behave and relate in our chosen relationships.  I know I have said time and time again that I will do things this way or that way when I have kids.  And I don`t know anyone out there who has not said similar things as we constantly evolve and change our ideas.  Knowledge is fluid and with that we are able to adapt to our surroundings in such an amazing way.  The ability to learn and grow, while questioning all that surrounds up are words I repeat again and again.  But there is an added point to that, it`s wonderful to grow and learn, but you also have to admit when you are wrong.  It takes a very confident and strong person to admit when they are wrong and put their stubbornness aside for the bigger picture.  So here I start the new year wondering if this will be a year filled with support or continued resistance to me voicing my opinions?

A New Year

The New Year is almost upon us and as we have culturally been raised the New Year brings with it the opportunity to make resolutions.  So we all take a moment and pick a big or small challenge for the year to come.  For the past few years I have come up with a quick little goal in December.  I start it right away and either accomplish it by the end of January or I forget what it was until the next year.  I get discouraged when I don’t successfully reach my goals and thus I sort of safety net myself by my simple resolutions.  This year however I am going to set a more solid goal and my hope is it will just keep building year after year.  And that is being more open and forthcoming with my ideas and my views, to not be afraid of outside judgement.


I know it may come as a surprise especially to those who have got to know me through my blog over the past few months, but I am a very closed and protective person.  Or I was for a very long time and made a big change last year in challenging myself first with my friends and then starting this blog.  I struggle daily with being able to tell an interesting story, but for some reason when I write my mind gets very clear and ideas become cohesive and interesting.  Looking back I had no idea just what an impact this change would have on my life, and my lifestyle.  I have written before that I had a very large stick up my ass for much of my life.  And damn it if I haven’t  realized that life is too short to strive for anything short of happiness.



I was watching episode 18 season 6 of House the other night in which the main premise was open relationships.  To sum up there was a married couple who opened up their relationship and the team of doctors tried every which way to analyze the relationship rather than the patient.  One of the doctors asked the wife about her lifestyle and the wife responded with, “ the hardest thing is that people are more interested in my outside affairs than my 7 year happy marriage”.  This struck a major chord with me.  A few nights ago I met a guy for the first time, who is dating a girl in an open relationship.  It blew my mind that I was actually able to have a rational, non sexual discussion with a person face to face about how my life and his life are working better for us because of this lifestyle.  It was so exciting to then share some books that have helped us both challenge our past ways of thinking.


And that is my resolution, to continue my journey of being more forthcoming and honest with myself and to those around me.  I have made some very substantial leaps in both my personal relationships and my sexual ones.  Life is moving forward at an amazing pace and I cannot wait to see the surprises in store for 2012.  I cannot thank each and everyone of you enough for your reading and support throughout this past year and I wish you all luck and happiness in your New Year resolutions.


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