But what about the sex, or using my vibrator, could that be to blame?
There just must be something to blame, someone, oh it must be me
So many questions but no satisfying answers
It happens, it is normal, your body knows what’s best
The wrong signals were sent, the womb was confused, everything was out of your control
It is not your fault
I repeat, it is not your fault
But who’s fault is it?
Why did it happen?
And how can I prevent it happening again?
You can’t, you won’t, somethings just are what they are
The numbers they swirl,
40
You are old, it is too late
20%
It is going to happen again
50%
Your quality is diminished
I cry
So it is my fault
I waited too late
I did everything wrong
I am to blame
No, it is not your fault
You are not to blame
It happens, it is OK
You will try again, you will find a way because it is what you do best
Remember, it is OK, it is not your fault
We love you
I Love You
Thank you all for the love and support on here, social media, and on Patreon. For the likes, shares, comments, and private words of encouragement. It’s nice not to be alone.
Welcome to the third edition of the sex positive challenge! If this is your first time checking this out, congrats. For those who are joining me for the second or third time, I truly hope you find the challenges involving, fun, and at times thought provoking, and a little sexy? Springtime always makes me feel renewed and ready to start new things, hence starting each May with a little challenge definitely gives me a libido boost. And I have to give a special shout out to all the amazing participants in the past, truly, you amaze me with your insight, sexiness, and openness! I am so inspired and in awe of this amazing community. Thank you!
Now let us take a look at what May 2021’s challenge will entail.
Where?
In the past I have posted on all my social media each morning. This go around I’m going to try something a little different by posting daily on my Sex Positive Books and Blogs account, and then doing a weekly roundup of posts on IG, and Facebook. While engagement was increasing on the later two accounts, the actual home bases are not sex friendly, so I want to stick to what currently allows community building and open freedom of speech (Twitter).
In short, daily challenges will go on Twitter, and I will complete them through my personal account so you have two easy ways to find them.
What?
Once you have found the daily challenge, take whatever time you need to complete it. Then the choice is yours to simply re-tweet using the #30DaysSexPositive or to share with the sex positive community something about the challenge you’re comfortable with, be it pictures, a blog post, music, or just a few words about it (using the hashtag of course). The whole point is embrace to sex as a natural part of our humanity, and to explore different ways of thinking in a safe, consent based environment. And it is far more fun with community participation!
I want you to challenge yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable. That is part of the reason I don’t have prizes at this stage in the game. Penalizing someone for not completing a day due to it being outside their comfort zone does not sit well with me. This is designed to be a personal journey, that I hope brings you one step closer to embracing your sexual self.
Inclusivity
One important note, I do strive to make each challenge completely inclusive. If for whatever reason you are not able to complete a challenge due to something I have overlooked, please send me a quick DM, explaining why so I can rectify it. I am still learning myself, and I want to ensure that this is sex positive and welcoming environment for all participants.
With that said, if you are ready to challenge yourself for this #30DaysSexPositive Challenge, welcome to our third edition! I hope you have fun, and make it the whole 30 days!
If you love this challenge and are wondering how to support more sex positive efforts in the future, my Patreon page is always open or check out one of my amazing affiliate banners on my home page.
When we gathered in May to complete the 30 day sex positive challenge, the focus was self love, learning the word sex positive, and incorporating affirmations and little challenges that could be done around the home. This go around, I want to delve deeper. The aim is for each of us feel like a contributing member of the sex positive community by incorporating daily challenges, answering tough questions, and thinking about what really makes us tick, sexually speaking. If this is your first time playing, feel free to check out #sexpositive30days (on Twitter) to see a glimpse of what you are in for in Octobers sex positive for 31 days challenge.
Where can you find the challenges?
Every morning I will be posting a daily challenge on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Just like last time I will be participating using my own Twitter handle. If you are comfortable sharing your answers, photos, or experiences please use #SexPositiveFor31Days and like or share so others can join in. If you’re not, that’s OK too! There is zero pressure to be public with your sexual experiences.
The Goal
The goal is simple: building the sex positive community, normalizing the word sex, and of course ending the stigma/taboo around being a sexual adult. As with the last challenge, it doesn’t matter what gender you are, what your orientation is, or even if you are single, partnered, or have multiple people in your life… the challenges are open to all of us. We are an inclusive community and talking about being sex positive is open to every adult who chooses to participate.
One important thing to note is this is a challenge. While I want to push myself and those participating outside of the comfort zone, the aim is to never feel silly or anything negative if there is something about sex you don’t know or want to look up! Sex is not stagnant, and being sex positive should feel the same way. Growing, evolving, changing with different partners, moods, or just plain old desire is amazing and valid. Ending the stigma and shame around sex is super important to me, and the driving force of these sex positive challenges. By talking about it, we normalize pleasure, and that is a beautiful thing.
So, if you are ready to be challenged, use the hashtag, like, share, and have fun exploring a sex positive you!
#SexPositiveFor31Days
If you love this challenge and are wondering how to support more sex positive efforts in the future, my Patreon page is always open or check out one of my amazing affiliate banners on my home page.
As a non-monogamous person, I spend a lot of my time working on relationships. Between strengthening the one I have at home, and the constant quest for new and incredible people, I humbly submit that I should get an A for effort. People are my passion. Relationship building is my forte. But, I will admit, there is a problem with my foundation, with me. While I have overcome many things in the past few years (with this last one being a real rollercoaster), there is something I need to put more focus on, loving me again.
A few months ago, I created a sex positive 30 day challenge, which was probably harder for me, than anyone else who joined in. Having to tell myself “I love me”, in the mirror brought me to tears. I crumbled. Not because I don’t love myself, but because I wasn’t in love with myself. I had not done anything of late to boost myself up. I had no new crazy or adventurous stories to tell. I had no new projects that I can excitedly get feedback on or bounce ideas about. I had put my inner passion for my ideas and creativity on the back burner.
And yes, I did this in on purpose. I finally took that long hard look at myself and realized that I needed to forgive myself for my past, heal up, and take a real break to recharge. Loving half a person is the most difficult journey I have ever endured. And I did it, for the last year (more to come on that in a future post). I would do it again in a heartbeat, but it changed me. As a creative and passionate individual with drive and dreams I would find myself snapping at life in general. Why do I have to do everything? Why can I not take a break, and have someone take care of me for a few moments? Why will these tears just not stop?
The answer? I put myself on hold for another human being. I was living at half my creative capacity, with the other half keeping my human… alive. (Watching a loved one battle depression is anguish.)
Reading that last thought, over and over again, I am not sure if using past or present tense is more accurate. That being said, I didn’t make excuses to type this morning. I simply poured my coffee, and started to type. And that, is a huge step. I didn’t feel obligated, instead I felt calm enough to start sharing. And that means I am feeling the fruits of the recharge. The drive is coming back, and you better believe that passion is too. I am starting to fall back in love with myself, because let’s face it, a whole human being is far sexier than half a soul right?
I will be challenging myself to post more photos on my Patreon page this month in the spirit of accepting and loving my body for the here and now instead of lamenting that it is not what it was, and I am grateful for all the support in this endeavour.
I cannot believe that it has been a year since I wrote my piece on Breaking Free From Gaslighting. When I wrote it last June, I thought that I was in a situation where life was completely hopeless and perhaps writing about the past situation would grant me a little mental relief. I was in a hopeless teeter-totter of emotions where the only thing I could do was control my own reactions, because there was nothing I could do solve the inherent problem. It was actually a pretty interesting game of mental gymnastics on my part.
First, I would cry, get angry, basically go through all the
stages of grief. Then I would have this wave of motivation and just start
creating new things like a person possessed.
Fueling my creativity with all the negative thoughts that were just
there. I was locked in this back and forth, until suddenly, something completely
outside of my control happened, depression. My house became plagued with this treacherous
beast and we were powerless to stop it. I will save the details for another
time, but I will say time lost all meaning. I was no longer coping, I was in
full survival mode, and not just for me, but my household too. And that was the
moment I did the only I knew how to do, go numb.
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When I was a small child, I learn how to go numb as a defence mechanism when a bunch of horrible crap was occurring around me and I had no tools to deal with it. And well, that whole ice queen persona stuck with me well into my 20’s. When I finally learned how to laugh, and be a sex positive person, I figured I would never fall back into that numb place, but last summer, I did. What’s more, I have had to stay in a state of numbness up until this week. Why? Because as the gaslighter continued to exert his control over me, I was powerless. The only solution was out of my control, and all I could do was guide the process or stand idly by as best I could (which I am not good at!).
Maybe you have felt this? Perhaps I am describing a situation that feels so foreign to you, you want to reach out and hug me, or worse, pity me. Wherever you fall reading that purposefully vague statement (privacy is paramount here, as I don’t want to go from one legal battle directly into another one), I hope you understand one thing, I survived. And now, I have that tingly feeling all over my body from where that numbness was. It feels euphoric, brings me to tears with that release, and then just has me grinning. I feel like I am waking up.
Thank you all for participating and supporting the first week of the sex positive 30 day challenge because honestly, this gave me a purpose. I chose a project that required skills far beyond my comfort zone (graphic design) and forced me to put myself out there, just as much as I was asking all of you to be. And it has grounded me for an hour or so, every day, while I try and rectify my new reality and emotions. Having the constant burden of fear no longer blocking my path to happiness is a pretty intense feeling. I thank you all for reading up to this point! Your support has been pretty damn integral to focusing my tingly feeling on something tangible rather than just melting into a puddle of giggly goo.
So, that is the brief update on where this sex positive blogger is at with her life… the tingly road to freedom! And now, back to the #sexpositive30days challenge!
For all the behind the scenes content, and to show a little extra support for this blog, please check out my Patreon!
