Category: Christmas

My Solo Christmas

    K Ghislaine
Solo Christmas

This year, I am alone for Christmas.  Did I arrive here by choice, circumstance, or simply a series of ill-timed events, it’s difficult to say.  But, the end result remains the same, me, spending the entire day of Christmas, on my own. Earlier this year, I felt empowered to travel by myself. To prove that I could pretty much do anything I put my mind to, but my solo Christmas has absolutely nothing to do with pride, and everything to do with self-preservation.

2021, pretty much kept giving me gifts that I did not want.  From ghoster’s (why the hell were their multiple of those???), to energy vampires, to health issues (not mine thankfully, but of a person who has played a major role in my life), and let us not forget grief (losing not one, but two inspirational woman was a bit much). And yet, here I sit, typing this out with my metal Christmas playlist, feeling a strange sense of hope for the new year.

Sure, I have spent the last two or three days crying every few moments that I am alone with my thoughts.  And I anticipate that Christmas Day will be ripe with tears, a lot of self-reflection, and meditation.  But, there will be a specific aim, to let the year go.  To take the time to forgive those who wished to do harm, and celebrate all the incredible souls who stepped up, and made me feel loved.  There were a lot of people who showed their true colours over the pandemic, for better and for worse.  I can only hope that the worst ones are gone from my world. Le sigh… it’s been a year.

There is another reason it feels appropriate to be alone for this day of green and red, and that is, Christmas is a holiday to spend with your nearest and dearest. Christmas is the holiday of love. And we are inundated with stories of caution, warning us that Christmas heartache will turn us into Scrooge or The Grinch.  And quite frankly, I just cannot risk tempting fate in that way.  I would rather be by myself, than take a risk of being with someone who could potentially spoil this season for me permanently!  And truly, with my lack of luck this year, that is exactly what would happen!

For the next few days, I’m going to fly quietly under the radar.  I won’t be putting myself out there.  There will be zero risk taking (which if you know me is not my norm). And if all goes well, there will be zero new stories of my random, and strange life.  I will attempt to understand, reflect, and maybe jot down some stories, rather than spend any more energy making new memories.  This solo Christmas is a choice I hope I never have to make again. But, it is a choice, that I am making, with intent and purpose. 

I wish each of you out there the happiest of holidays, and all the warmest wishes for an absolutely incredible new year!  Peace, love, and happiness for 2022. And of course, the hugest thanks to everyone who kept the beer money flowing during 2021 via my Patreon.

Baby It’s Cold Outside and the #MeToo Movement

    K Ghislaine

I had planned for my first post of December to be light. fluffy, and super fun.  I even created my very own #reindeerBoob (which you can see a sneak peak of on my Patreon) and was going to babble about my thoughts on this internet sensation, however, this post is much more important than my little bit of fun.  For you see, this morning I woke up to the news that various radio stations are banning a song (Baby It’s Cold Outside), and calling it a step forward in the fight for the #metoo movement.  And quite frankly, that is bullshit.  There is zero place for censorship!

In 1990, 2 Live Crew was arrested after performing a banned song with very sexually graphic and violent lyrics.  This began a trial that was ultimately going to determine the fate of an artists freedom of speech.  Spoiler alert, musicians won, and freedom of expression and speech were protected.  And here we sit, 28 years later, banning music, yet again to protect our little sensitivities.  Have we really learned nothing?  Why do we have to keep making the same mistakes over and over again to only end up in the same place?  This is the definition of insanity.  It’s time to wake up and stop banning things just because you don’t like them.  Censorship never has the intended effect, EVER!

I absolutely think the #MeToo movement is valuable and woke a lot of people up to a major problem in our society.  It made the word consent meaningful.  It began conversations with peers and parents alike about what we can do in our social circles, and how we can better raise the next generation.  Conversations and education are the most precious things we have at the moment to move forward as a society with awareness and compassion alike.  I fully support using the hashtag #MeToo to spread awareness of facts.  What I have an intense problem with, is when groups of people rally together to start banning music, books, media, etc in the name of social change, and in this case a hashtag.  For the past couple of years, people have been rallying to ban Baby It’s Cold Outside.  And when that didn’t work, they even tried to change the lyrics to a more socially aware little ditty.  And now they are just outright pulling it from public airwaves, siting a movement that quite frankly has nothing to do with the song.

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And before you ask me, have I even heard the lyrics, yes, yes I have.  And as I write this, I have the original on in the background with a man singing it to keep his lady friend from going home, and the very funny flip of a woman singing it to keep her man from leaving.  It was written to be sung, with the irony of how a man and women singing the same lyrics would be perceived, in a comedic setting.  Light hearted fun, fit for the times, and with such a beautiful melody, it has been recorded countless times over the years with people eager to give their try as this catchy duet.  Now if you read the lyrics, with zero context and get to the line where the singer says “no” it is firm and playfully ignored.  And I would be a fool to say that this is not a huge problem in our current society.  It absolutely is, no, should always be no.  But I ask you this, what can possibly be gained by banning this song and just removing it from our musical archives?  If you guessed nothing, you would be absolutely right.  And what can be gained from having a conversation about why that part of the song is so offensive and off putting, oh that’s right, EVERYTHING!

We have an opportunity here to educate and change the perspective of people going forward.  We do this by having dialogue and debate.  We talk about what offends us and we work to improve things.  We do not just sweep things under the rug and hope they will go away, because we all know that doesn’t work.  So please, let’s not go back in time, banning music that doesn’t suit out delicate constitutions. Instead, choose to listen or turn it off.  Talk about what we can do to make more socially aware changes in your own life.  And finally, if you have ever thought about blaming a song for you being socially inept and ignoring the word no in your own life, please, sort that shit out, because you are the problem, not the song.

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Pre Christmas “Single Shopping”

    K Ghislaine
I heard a statistic the other day, that 2 weeks before Christmas is the time when most breakups occur.  This makes a whole lot of sense.  Consider that you have been a little unhappy for a while, and now have to make the decision to buy someone you are not sure you like anymore a present.  Or what’s worse? You have to spend the already stressful holiday times with your crazy family, and dread including that person that now has the most irritating laugh EVER!  (Or some equally annoying trait that you no longer want to be in the same room with). Well, better to just end things quietly before it gets too close to the holidays and when you still have time to do some pre-Christmas “single shopping”.

And what is pre-Christmas Single Shopping you might ask?  Well, quite simply, it is the time for vetting out the person who will be good enough in a pinch.  It is the person who looks good in pictures, or just good on paper, whatever you may need at bare minimum.  The guy or gall who dresses up nicely and can make polite conversation at a company Christmas party.  It is the individual who has been friendzoned forever, so will be extra excited at the opportunity to be seen out in public with you.  Or maybe, it’s that friendly face on the dating site who messaged you and you didn’t instantly cringe, so now that you’re a little desperate and lonely, well… it is the season of giving right?

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It is almost like the speed date.  You have two weeks or less before Christmas to make a decision to bring around you maybe partner, or spend the holidays alone.  Online dating messages around this time are nice, polite, and just all around easy to read.  Or maybe the writers have just all had their rum and eggnog so their barriers are lowered when they scroll through the multitude of pictures.  I cannot say for sure, but there is a tone difference in messages.

So if this is a decision you recently had to make, enjoy your newly single shopping.  Be nice to your friendzoned maybe partner.  Be courteous to the new person who is as lonely as you and will scratch your back at your family’s gathering if you scratch theirs.  Remember the campsite rule!  And who knows, maybe this defenses down chance you’re taking could be the best thing you ever did, and there are many more happy Christmas’ together in your future.

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Shhh… It’s a secret! My X-Mas Gift Advice

    K Ghislaine

X-mas is right around the corner, and thus may I present a little relationship blog on gift giving.  I was trying hard not to listen to the ladies seated in front of me on a recent flight, but of course my curiosity got the best of me when their volume rose.  The two ladies were in their late 30’s and both wore very nice looking wedding bands.  So clearly they must have a few relationship tips if they are already married right?  Well sadly they were not bragging about how amazing their sex life was or anything remotely positive in the marriage world.  Instead they were bitching about the recent gifts their husbands had purchased.

Here’s my little recap.  Blond lady received a lavish necklace, but is too embarrassed to wear it.  It’s much to ornate and doesn’t go with her day to day image.  Brunette lady recently received a bath spa kit she swears she saw at Costco.  Therefor Brunettes husband bought her a last minute gift and Blond’s husband doesn’t really know her tastes after all these years.  Then the usual “there, there, it’s the thought that counts”.  And the sobbing, “but why does he think I’m so superficial that the cost would be more than the thought?”.  Did I mention I was on my way to Vegas and was listening to a lady cry about a gorgeous necklace?

I cannot possibly say that I am above this conversation and that I have not had it in my early dating years.  I am sure that I did, but I spent a lot of effort ensuring that once I was made aware this behavior ended.  And I will tell you why. There are many ways to look at a relationship.  I try to be as realistic and level headed as I can be.  This is how I look at the gift giving side to my relationships, you must make a choice based on your own values.

If being surprised is the most important thing to you on X-mas morning then you get to deal with the reality that the opening and anticipation is you favorite part of the gift.  And when you open the package you may or may not get a bonus.  If on the other hand you really value the gift inside, then please for the love of all my sanity just tell the person what you want!  Give them a list to pick from or tell them in an active conversation what you would like this year as a present.  He is not a mind reader and no he has not been listening for the last 6 months for the little hints like you have.  Woman pay attention to a different sort of detail than men do, and this gives us many advantages I think in a long term relationship.  This is a strength of woman, and less so of the average male.

To segway into one of my favorite topics, which of course is sex, there are many parallels with this advice.  If you love surprises and want the ball in his court, then lie back and enjoy him taking control.  But if on the other hand there is something that you want to try, or more of, then he needs to be told.  The man is not going to listen carefully for the changes in your moaning to determine what move he makes next.  Have the conversation and take charge of your happiness and improving your own life.  Do not put it in your partners hands and then bitch to your friends that there is something missing.

What says more about your relationship?  That you can communicate and add to each others happiness or the lamenting that he is not the mind reader you want him to be?  And if you are one of the women all about the thrill of surprise, please brag about the surprise itself.  As we all know sometimes whats inside isn’t what we expected, so realize this and remember what’s really important to you.  You can enjoy the surprise or the gift inside.  Either way put yourself in a position to find your happiness either way.  Life’s short, so enjoy.