Whenever my partner is away I find myself going through that same cycle over and over. It starts with me making big huge plans for everything I am going to do with all my new found free time. Then I spend a little too much time binge watching a TV show that I have been waiting to watch, that I know he hates. Soon after, I put out my little loneliness feelers, to scratch my sexual itch, especially if he is going to be gone more than a few days. Almost every time that plan falls flat and I resort to draining the charge on my toys again and again.
At this point, I realize that it may not be sex I am looking for, but just merely a little human contact. I become a little more hug prone and I set up coffee dates with someone I haven’t seen in a while at least once a week. You know, to just get out of the house and keep social. And then I throw myself into whatever job I am doing. In this case, I am working as many hours as I can, and when I get home I crack a beer and continue working my book.
And then, it hits me, and it is a surprise every single time. My life is the same with him away, or right here beside me. What I choose to do, and how I live, doesn’t change based on the distance. Sure, I might only see a friend or make new friends once a month. And perhaps I get a little distracted in the summer with camping, sunshine and adventures so the writing takes a bit of a pause. But I am supremely focused on my craft. Although it may not seem like it, I always am daydreaming, working out character arcs, and working through things that I may or may not share via blog, or social media. And there is no amount of distance that can break my connection to my partner. We have a symmetry about us, that just seems to work. Two stubborn, souls, living in a beautiful cosine arc, that peaks and falls with the passing days, in a perpetual path towards our individual goals.
And as for the dating and sexual aspect, my goodness do I miss having a couple in our lives that we can get excited for, and excite us in return. I know we will find a few “someones” at some point, and it will be the most amazing, invigorating time of our lives, but in the right now, it remains a fantasy, mixed with a few blissful moments from memories. I almost look forward to the fall, whereby things seems to settle out a little, and routines become more predictable both in our lives and in the quest to edge into someone eles’s. The variability of summer leaves too much up in the air to really get something started. A few sparks here and there, but it’s the fall that proves if those sparks will smoulder out, or ignite into a warm glow.
My imagination grows rich with fantasy, and it is time to put pen to paper in a more poetic form. Until next time my dear readers.
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