There are two schools of thought that I have encountered with my trying to conceive journey, and there seems to be no clear right or wrong. The first is to live like you are already pregnant, and the other, is to just live your life and if it happens, then it happens. I’ve been trying the first without success. The second method, scares me, because I don’t want to do something that accidentally creates another miscarriage. I’ve admittedly, been slowly relaxing the first method, simply because, I know the effect that stress has on the body. And quite frankly, as a person who thrives in stressful situations, I am not always the best at recognizing at what point too much is. That is a work in progress, as I discussed in my latest Medium article on Stress and Polyamory.
Stress is bad. But the clock is ticking and thus it’s difficult to just allow things to happen, but rationally I know that is the only thing I can do. Other than of course working towards getting seen by a fertility specialist, which is my next step, after the gynecologist assured me that everything is fine. My impatient self screams out, if everything is fine why am I not pregnant? Then my rational self says, this is why you are always stressed! As I sniffle “I always give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it” as quoted by Alice, in Alice in Wonderland.
Do I drink the beer, which helps me to relax and keep my stress down? Or do I not drink the beer because I want to ensure I am fully body ready to make this baby thing a reality? Ultimately the only thing I can do is to try and keep myself distracted and happy because at the end of the day, I know I need to stay out of my head. Thus it is a perfect time to keep pitching my book to agents, and to keep tackling all the projects and such that life throws my way. Which of course is much easier to do during the days right after my period when I know I cannot possibly symptom spot. Serenity NOW!!!!
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I know there is no right or wrong way. But some days I must say, it’s difficult to see so many shows portray people having healthy pregnancies the first time they try to conceive, or when they aren’t trying. That being said, we got pregnant the first time completely by accident. So there must be something to the whole, not trying thing. But somethings are easier said than done. I can tell myself that it is what it is, but then, as I said, I get into my head, and it’s almost impossible to shut that part of my hoping, and trying off. There simply is no right or wrong way, but damn do I ever wish there was something more I could be doing. Then again, maybe less is more? Our family is already started, because the two of us already have each other, and that is huge and wonderful. And I am grateful, truly. But of course, I want more, well, we both do.
I do want to take a moment to thank all the people so far who have shared their trying to get pregnant stories. I knew writing about this subject would open that door, and I am so grateful to be able to read each and everyone of your experiences. And what’s more, to have real people to talk to about this, and share the ups and downs (hear that universe? I am ready for some ups here too!). At this point in the game, I am focusing on trying to relax, and enjoy the process, while at the same time continuing to take my prenatals, and the expertise of those in the health care system. Oh and of course doing the thing the actually makes creating a baby possible!
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