Are you ready for one of my pet peeves? Ok, mostly I am writing this post so I can better understand why this term sends me into a rage, and hopefully come out more understanding on the other side, though I am not holding my breath. The term that really has my panties in a bunch is when I get offers to play. Further, just using the word playing with me, or pleasing me, or really any of the variations such as playtime, looking for a playmate, and new partners to play, just squicks me out! I am a grown woman who wants to be more than your pleasure toy, or any of the variations these words equate to. Especially when it comes to strangers. There is no way, a person can open on an online dating site, with, “hey, I saw you were non-monogamous and I have a friend who is willing to play with us” will EVER work with me.
Deep audible sigh of frustration has just occurred as I typed that out direct from a recent message. Why does a phrase that is so common in the lifestyle, swinging community, etc. bug me so much? The first thing is, I equate sex with intimacy. Unless we have a strong bond, or intense physical chemistry (in person only), I just will not enjoy sex as just an act. I have great difficulty with the concept of sex as exercise or just thrusting through the motions. Sex is so much more to me than just the orgasm. It is the person, sights, smells, sounds, feelings, etc. that make it something that I adore so much. So, to just relegate it to playtime? Ick.
The other thing that bothers me about just playing with people is the whole juvenile aspect of the word play. I love running around like a kid outside, playing ridiculous games with my friends, and laughing till I cry while playing fetch with my dog as he brings the toys back in every manor of silliness. This sensation of feeling like a kid again, or being responsibility free, even for a moment is something I strive to achieve as much as possible. But the line is very clearly visible for me when the clothes come off and there is a possibility of the sensual or intimate to happen. I just cannot ever envision me saying “Ok hunny, it’s playtime” with the aim of having sex. Or dare I say, asking a stranger to “play with me”. Bleh!
I am trying, in this moment, to envision a time where sex was playful, funny, and just a complete messy situation that had everyone howling. And the truth is, I can remember countless times when this has happened. I even recall a few moments during one of my hottest MFM’s. But the big difference is that these situations happened with people I was very comfortable being intimate with. This wasn’t just a spontaneous “playtime” that had every stranger giggling. No, this was intense hilarity with people I trusted implicitly with my body, and my mind.
Ok, I am beginning to realize my actual dislike of the word and why that is. I hate when strangers want to play with me. I despise when a person online wants to be my plaything or vice versa. And I especially loath when a stranger, offers up, yet another stranger as a way of stringing me along and trying desperately to give me what they think I want, AKA a blatant attempt just to get into my pants. Playing with me, equates to me feeling objectified specifically when it comes to someone I have never met, and now, will never go out of my way to meet.
So please, do not tell me that you want to play with me, in an effort to get me interested in you. I repeat, I am a grown woman, who does not enjoy the idea of playtime with strangers. While using any sort of sexual context in an opening message will get a swift delete from me, using play will make me gag, and make irrational decisions like reporting and blocking. Don’t put me through that. Be thoughtful, creative, and treat me like a real human!
Well, thank you for sharing in the eye-opening dissection of why this term really turns me off. Do you have a term that elicits a similar reaction? Let me know on Twitter or in the comments section. Or as always, you can chat with me on Patreon, and also see my behind the scenes photo gallery from this and many other posts!