Oh! I’m Sorry, Was the Live Sex Boring You?


This is not a post that I ever thought I would write, in fact, people may not even believe that this could actually happen inside the sexy walls of a sex club.  But the story I am about to relate speaks to a rapidly growing dissociation that is going unchecked in our society. We have become immune to the realities around us, in essence our technology is desensitizing us.  And I will be honest, seeing that first hand at a sex party of all places, brings into sharp relief just how widespread this problem is.  And we have got to act now!  Because it turns out even with rules and warnings in place, we cannot break free from our phones even with sex on the line.

Saturday night I went to a swinger’s club where there is a fantastic area that has an open door play room, that we shall call the red room.  Meaning people can walk in and out, and there is almost always live action of some sort going on.  And that night, was no exception.  We found a spot on the farthest couch so we could start watching the show, and get playful ourselves.  With a little whipping scene, to get the ball rolling the clothes started to fall off and the room was getting heated.  Picture about 6 or 7 couples all on the peripheral couches and two sex loungers beginning to get a little action in the middle, plus spectators and the dominatrix show, just to set the stage.

My partner and I were starting to get very handsy beside a couple you may remember from my Foursome in the woods post.  So, our night was ramping up fantastically.  And on one of the sex couches, a guy was getting the royal treatment.  Oh yes, 5 girls, one guy!  The thing of myths right before our eyes.  The room was exciting.  Well, for everyone but the group of 5 guys who must have been the partners of the women giving the show.  You see, those 5 guys, were standing right to my left, inside the room, shooting the shit.  The conversation was something similar to what you might hear at a pub.  Some goading, a little teasing and basically a general lack of interest to anything going on in the room.  Did I mention there was a wait list to get in?

I mean come on!  When sex becomes so common place that you don’t even care, find a new hobby.  Not only is this incredibly insane, but you are taking away from the experience of those around you who are trying to lose themselves in the moment.  But of course, your selfish needs take priority right?  You don’t get to see your friends much, so by all means, just stand around in a very active dungeon, taking real estate that people are sexily eyeing up, to just stand around, chatting.  And we are not talking a few brief moments.  We are talking upwards of 20 minutes of trying not to listen to frat boy types talk about their lives and even a little shoving of each other in the most juvenile manor imaginable.  “Well, my chicks busy, so I’m just going to stand around acting like a dumb punk, waiting till she’s done”.

This in of itself was annoying, however things were about to get a little ridiculous.  My partner and I were really getting heated, having just acquired one of the coveted sex loungers.  So naked, and excited we started getting really down and dirty.  The man of the hour beside us, was now down to two chicks so the group of irritating men had thinned down.  Then out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a guy who was wearing far too many clothes, and a silly hipster hat, had plunked down with his partner on the couch we had previously occupied.  And I didn’t think too much of it, until it happened.  The guy pulled out his phone and started texting someone!  Not some hot looking sort of sext, but the whole, I’m bored so I’m going to pull out my phone mindlessly sort of move.

And to make matters worse, he seemed generally surprised when I asked him to put his phone away!  Picture the scene.  Me laying on my back, getting pounded, so blissfully happy.  Then bam!  Brought out of the happy red glow by some damn cell phone screen!  And after I asked him to put it away, he just sat there, motionless.  Like he didn’t know what to do next.  You’re in a freaking swing club!  Have some hot sex!!!  Have we really become that dependent on phones that you cannot have one evening without it dictating your life?  And further to this, a few minutes later his partner asked for her phone!  Thankfully he told her no, it wasn’t allowed in the club.  But do you know what her reaction was?  Grabbed the phone out of his hand and stormed out of the room.

Ok, you might be saying right now, damn it!  I would never in a million years do something like that.  What is wrong with these people?  Who could be distracted by their phone with all that sexy stimulation going on?  Or forget that they were in a swing club, and start treating it like a pub?  If you’ve been a regular reader you might even say, that I have some really bad luck and this must have been just a bad night.  But the thing is, I watch everything going on around me and at the clubs, I just want to quiet that voice.  I want to get lost in the moment.  But how do you ignore, 7 ignorant and flat out rude individuals who selfishly cannot pause their habits for even one night.  A few hours?  To put this into perspective, 7 individuals out of 150 were in this room, acting like they were bored of being in a sex club.  That’s almost 5 percent.  That’s freaking huge!  Can we not unplug from this silly device even in a swing club?  You paid to be there, as did we.  That doesn’t give you the right to detract from mine or anyone else’s enjoyment which is exactly what these people were doing.  Now show some common courtesy for those around you who are actually enjoying themselves or get out!  And please, if you see something like this happen, even in the real world, stand up and say something.  We cannot keep ignoring ignorant and selfish behaviour because quite frankly it is getting out of hand!

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A Few of My Laugh or Cry Moments

With a bold new photo up and a few NSFW posts I decided I should probably write a post that was bit lighter in nature.  So I am going to share with you all a few memorable moments from my past that have really shaped who I am today, for better or for worse.  When I was a teenager I worked retail selling shoes, which in of itself is a resource for many many stories.  But it was the women I worked with, who really played that key role in aiding the formation of my current open state of mind far from my youthful naive nature.  From boob job inspections, to ladies trying on shoes without underwear in tight little white sundresses, I saw a lot.  It really desensitized me, and lead to my now apparent lack of shock when new or strange situations present themselves.  Perhaps that is why I write in such a matter of fact manor and can fail to recognize when a post I have written comes off as funny.  Here are two such moments for your consideration and perhaps even some amusement.
It was closing time at the shoe store and one of my co-workers was being picked up by her boyfriend.  This was my first time meeting him, so I introduced myself and then went about with my closing duties.  I remember thinking how good looking he was, and I was a little embarrassed at how bright red I went when I shook his hand.  The next day my co-worker laughingly told me that her boyfriend’s first impression of me was that “I was an in the closet dominatrix”.  To say that I was speechless and confused was an understatement and I still have no idea what could have possibly given him that impression.  This was the first of many bizarre first impressions that I have given off, and actually prompted me to start writing oddities like this down.
Next up, we have me trying to make an appointment for my cat Spaz.  He had an infection and I needed to take him in to my vet for some antibiotics.  I was not supposed to use the phone in my cubicle for personal calls at work, so I was trying to be very quiet and discreet on the phone.  A lady answered the phone and I told her who I was and gave her my cat’s name.  She mumbles something and I just barely heard the words “pearl necklace”.  “What?” I whispered very sharply.  “Do you have a pearl necklace” repeats the woman on the on the other end.  “Excuse me!?”  I demand getting a little too loud for my cubicle.  “Are you wearing a pearl necklace?” she repeats.  I am extremely agitated by this point and getting quite angry.  Who the hell is asking me about something so inappropriate from my vet’s office?  So I almost yell into the phone “I don’t know who the hell this is, but this is incredibly inappropriate to ask somebody!  Who is this?.”  The woman on the phone is now laughing her ass off and through fits of giggling gets out her name.  All of a sudden all the pieces fall right into place.
When I worked at the aforementioned shoe store, one of my assistant managers was describing to me how messy sex was, during business hours of course.  From the noises to the messy cleanup down your leg it was all very graphic and detailed.  I was not very experienced in the sex at this point so she asked me knowingly if I ever got pearl necklaces.   I looked blankly and she very matter of fact told me what those were and how much nicer the clean-up was afterwards.   A few days later she grabbed a notebook and drew a cute stick girl with a real pearl necklace.   To this day I still have that drawing in my desk.  This former co-worker who years before had drawn me this picture was now working for my vet’s office and had been just waiting for the day when I called in.  Oh and on a side note, it was interesting at best telling the girl who sat across from my cubicle this story in a edited for workplace manor why I started yelling on the phone.  
I have so many more stories of a similar nature it was actually a little difficult to pick just these two to share.  These random moments as I said have really shaped how I react to things, or more truthfully just turn red and  watch in amazement at the randomness that is my life sometimes.  A co-worked of mine told me recently that sometimes hearing my stories and the strange incidents that make up my life, he feels like my life is an episode of Peanuts.  I guess deep down I understand what he is getting at, just shrug and laugh it off.