Being Sexual and Laughing It Off

Being Sexual

Recently, I rejected a guy on POF by stating that we were only looking for couples right now.  If you have heard me say this before, it is my standard rejection, and I state looking for couples right on my profile.  As sometimes happens, he got very upset with being told no, and responded with the length of his penis, followed by a picture of it.  True to form, I reported him, blocked him, and then went on to Twitter to vent my frustration and ask the age old question: Why do men still do this

While I received the usual support, I also received a shocking response.  While I am usually pretty level headed about the garbage I get being sex positive online this one got under my skin and rattled me.  A guy responded with “I can honestly not understand how you can be so humourless, yet pretend to be so sexual. And yes, block away”.  Wait a tick, my sexuality is being called into question because I was angry at receiving a non consent based nude image, also known as sexual harassment?   Did you know that in Texas, and possibly soon to come into law in NYC that sending an unsolicited dick picture on an online dating site is actually now illegal

This isn’t me just being a prude here.  This is such a rampant problem, that people are beyond sick and tired of it, and we are taking legal action by demanding laws to protect us.  I don’t think it’s funny to laugh about an unsolicited dick in my inbox.  This is harassment.  It’s not funny.  Unless the thought process is that men want us to start laughing at their penis’ I just do not follow the logic.  How many more posts, podcasts, blocks, and laws do we need to pass to make it clear that this is not funny.

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I recall my mom being exposed to on a c-train about 20 years ago.  The crazy thing about the whole situation is how many people were around her, and did nothing.  They pretended not to see it.  When the cops arrived, there was only one man who came forward as a witness out of nearly 10 people who should have seen something.  My mom pleaded with the woman who was sitting beside her to come forward, but she refused.  Should we as a society just laugh that off?  Should we just laugh it off when someone is rejected by a complete stranger and they lose their shit and send what may or may not be their fully erect penis?  Is complacency the target here? Or worse, making it a joke? 

And now let’s deal with the fact that this random guy on twitter, took the time to comment on my own sexual nature because I didn’t laugh.  I felt publicly shamed.  My sexuality was openly called into question.  How is that OK?  Why did this guy (twitter) who claims he has never sent a dick pic himself still rationalizing that I am somehow in the wrong for standing up for what I believe in.  I think sending a dick picture should be a criminal act just as exposing yourself in public to a stranger.  I do not think that this stance should be a reflection of my sexuality, or my sex positive stance.  That is an asinine correlation and positively disgusts me.  That`s as dumb as saying I asked for it, because I rejected the guy on the online dating site.  NO!  My sex positive nature will not be on trial here.  No, my sensual boasts hold firm.  I have a right to consent to what level of nudity I see in an online world.  That does NOT diminish my sensual nature.  In fact, I think it increases it, because I know what I want, need, and what turns me on!

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Silicon Lube and Mattresses Don’t Mix! A PSA

Keep Reading for a How To Clean Silicon Lube from a Mattress Guide!

My partner and I have the most amazing set up in our bedroom ever!  Basically, we have a room for beds (post has a very sexy picture!).  But finding the perfect queen sized mattresses was a bit of a process, during which we discovered that while silicon lube is amazingly fun for the sexy times, it is also a nightmare to clean.  I have included quick links to all products mentioned both for clarity, and because they are amazing products that I am proud to be an affiliate for.  So without further ado here is my story of how to clean silicon lube from a mattress, and what I hope will be a warning to all out there to not make the same mistake, and if you do, the only solution that worked!

Once upon a time, a man and a woman decided that for the sanity of their relationship, purchasing two queen sized beds was not only the sleep system they needed, but the one they both deserved.  And thus the hunt for the perfect mattresses began.  And after much deliberation and product testing, the two agreed upon a set that fit their budget and hopefully their ultimate ZZZ regiment.  The two quickly christened their new bed, and after the fun was over, haphazardly placed the silicon lube (affiliate link) in between the two mattresses.  With the lube out of sight, and out of mind, the pair went on with their testing of the mattresses and sadly decided that their first purchase was just not to be.

With a vacation quickly approaching, the two asked for an extension to exchange their mattresses and this was generously granted (this is a key component of the treacherous tale).  So upon returning from their vacation, the hunt for the actual best mattresses began, nearly 2 months after their initial purchase.  They tested, and tried.  Snuggled on all sorts of beds for what seemed like weeks on end until finally they fell in love with their would be forever mattresses!  Rejoice! The two celebrated the up coming day of exchange.  But, uh oh!  Upon washing the sheets in preparation for the next week delivery a nasty stain was discovered on not one, but on all the mattresses and box springs!  The culprit… that sneaky bottle of silicon lube!  It had been put in upside down and the stain had set without either party noticing.

Panic quickly ensued as the two raced to good ole google to source out the best way to remove the nasty stain.  And if anyone out there has researched a similar query it turns out that time is of the essence.  After nearly 3 months of the stain sitting it had set.  It looked as if all hope was lost.  And for those of you wondering, yes, the exchange was dependent on a stain and tear free product.  There is no giving up allowed in the quest for the perfect night sleep!  The room was torn apart, and the mattresses and box springs placed stain side up, so I could begin the assessment and start preliminary testing of cleaning techniques.

Would soap and water be enough?  Nope.  How about some Oxy clean?  Nope.  My favorite secret cleaning tool of Club Soda was also a total bust.  Ok, this was getting a little freaky.  The research rabbit hole lead us from kitchen cleaning sites, to sex toy blogs, and nothing, nadda was powerful enough to fix our current situation.  Finally, there was a eureka moment… let’s turn to science.  What product out there actually breaks down silicon?  The answer was daunting, Mineral spirits, which is a fancy name for turpentine!  How in the hell was I going to clean the mattresses (which were black by the way) and not destroy them, or myself in the process?  Let me share with you my process.

Cleaning Silicon Lube from a Mattress (or 4)

1) Ventilate the room as this stuff in incredibly flammable.  I had the window open, and two fans going at all times.

2) Wear protection including a ventilator, eye protection and gloves.

3) Spot check a teeny tiny little spot and cross your fingers that none of the colour leaches out.  And check that the fabric does not start to breakdown or the fibres break apart.

4) Then grab a tooth brush, dunk it in the spirits and start breaking down that silicon with tiny little semi circular motions.

5) Rinse thoroughly with cold soapy water to prevent the chemicals from penetrating too deep into the mattress.

6) Repeat all steps until the stain is lifted.

Now here’s the thing, I repeated this same process twice daily for 4 full days.  And in the end, even with all the ventilation it still stunk to high hell of gas fumes.  So, I did what any person, desperate to get the full refund back does, I dosed it with Fabreze, followed by citrus soap, and Febreze again.  After nearly a day of just sitting there, soaking all the scent masking, I was finally satisfied enough to make the exchange.  And amazingly, it went off without a hitch!  And I was so relieved as they actually sent in an inspector for the task!  The stain in all four pieces was adequately lifted, and I had created a fresh and clean scent that hid all trace of the harsh chemicals used.  But let me tell you, for all the success at the end, it was hard freaking work, and a process I hope never to have to repeat.  So, do yourselves a favor, and don’t leave silicon lube to set.  Or better yet, be proactive and start using a water proof blanket designed specifically for messes in mind such as the Waterproof blankets for “intimate” play!. (affiliate link)  I could have saved myself both the emotional stress and actual headache I received from this harrowing adventure by being preventive and not waiting until the last minute to clean the stain.


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A Few of My Laugh or Cry Moments

With a bold new photo up and a few NSFW posts I decided I should probably write a post that was bit lighter in nature.  So I am going to share with you all a few memorable moments from my past that have really shaped who I am today, for better or for worse.  When I was a teenager I worked retail selling shoes, which in of itself is a resource for many many stories.  But it was the women I worked with, who really played that key role in aiding the formation of my current open state of mind far from my youthful naive nature.  From boob job inspections, to ladies trying on shoes without underwear in tight little white sundresses, I saw a lot.  It really desensitized me, and lead to my now apparent lack of shock when new or strange situations present themselves.  Perhaps that is why I write in such a matter of fact manor and can fail to recognize when a post I have written comes off as funny.  Here are two such moments for your consideration and perhaps even some amusement.
It was closing time at the shoe store and one of my co-workers was being picked up by her boyfriend.  This was my first time meeting him, so I introduced myself and then went about with my closing duties.  I remember thinking how good looking he was, and I was a little embarrassed at how bright red I went when I shook his hand.  The next day my co-worker laughingly told me that her boyfriend’s first impression of me was that “I was an in the closet dominatrix”.  To say that I was speechless and confused was an understatement and I still have no idea what could have possibly given him that impression.  This was the first of many bizarre first impressions that I have given off, and actually prompted me to start writing oddities like this down.
Next up, we have me trying to make an appointment for my cat Spaz.  He had an infection and I needed to take him in to my vet for some antibiotics.  I was not supposed to use the phone in my cubicle for personal calls at work, so I was trying to be very quiet and discreet on the phone.  A lady answered the phone and I told her who I was and gave her my cat’s name.  She mumbles something and I just barely heard the words “pearl necklace”.  “What?” I whispered very sharply.  “Do you have a pearl necklace” repeats the woman on the on the other end.  “Excuse me!?”  I demand getting a little too loud for my cubicle.  “Are you wearing a pearl necklace?” she repeats.  I am extremely agitated by this point and getting quite angry.  Who the hell is asking me about something so inappropriate from my vet’s office?  So I almost yell into the phone “I don’t know who the hell this is, but this is incredibly inappropriate to ask somebody!  Who is this?.”  The woman on the phone is now laughing her ass off and through fits of giggling gets out her name.  All of a sudden all the pieces fall right into place.
When I worked at the aforementioned shoe store, one of my assistant managers was describing to me how messy sex was, during business hours of course.  From the noises to the messy cleanup down your leg it was all very graphic and detailed.  I was not very experienced in the sex at this point so she asked me knowingly if I ever got pearl necklaces.   I looked blankly and she very matter of fact told me what those were and how much nicer the clean-up was afterwards.   A few days later she grabbed a notebook and drew a cute stick girl with a real pearl necklace.   To this day I still have that drawing in my desk.  This former co-worker who years before had drawn me this picture was now working for my vet’s office and had been just waiting for the day when I called in.  Oh and on a side note, it was interesting at best telling the girl who sat across from my cubicle this story in a edited for workplace manor why I started yelling on the phone.  
I have so many more stories of a similar nature it was actually a little difficult to pick just these two to share.  These random moments as I said have really shaped how I react to things, or more truthfully just turn red and  watch in amazement at the randomness that is my life sometimes.  A co-worked of mine told me recently that sometimes hearing my stories and the strange incidents that make up my life, he feels like my life is an episode of Peanuts.  I guess deep down I understand what he is getting at, just shrug and laugh it off.

Men: Online Dating Encore

Oh my! The strange and peculiar opening lines are really coming out of the woodwork this week.  Perhaps the thawing weather is playing a role, or perhaps it has just been a bit too long since I last checked my online profile.  Online dating is supposed to be fun, interesting and above all a good place to meet new people.  The skills in communicating online have become such an intrinsic part of how we interact in our global market that I am baffled at a few of the recent messages I have gotten.  I am not sure if so many people just ignore messages, that the new goal is just to illicit a response no matter if it is positive or negative.  Or that people are just plain bad at communicating what they want, and in choosing the correct methods to get it.  As always, these are actual messages, I would not dream of making any of this up.
As I mentioned in my previous post I think displaying a bit of intellect is a good first sign.  Having the skills to hold a genuine conversation is very important to me.  The art of conversation is not a skill that I think the writer of the below message excels at:  “Hey there…you seem kind of cool…and yeah, you heard me…I do mean just kinda cool 😉 By the way…I am very competitive … what do you get competitive about? I love playing pool … I usually even make wagers … I’d be willing to bet a pair of shoes on it 🙂  Anyway…since I’ve read your profile, sent you a message, now I will go back and click “meet me” just because I can :-p”.  My guess was high school education, no car, and at least one picture with his shirt off while covering his face with sunglasses.  Turns out he had a really nice looking shiny sports car, or at least himself in front of one.
The next one to highlight for my dear readers is the art of creeping me out.  Some people just give off a slight weird guy vibe, this message however took that to a whole new level of discomfort: “Not that you’ll believe me but I would love to encourage you to take part in som e amazing cuddling and that’s it if your comfortable with more then one cuddling event I think we might have a good base for a date!”  This guys per-requisite to go on date with him is to first experience him with what I will assume is with a bunch of other guys in a cuddle party.  I actually saw a post a few months ago on Kijiji advertising that the cuddle party that was planned was severely lacking in woman, and was seeking woman of any age, size and to not worry, the clothes would not come off.  I try to be accepting of all lifestyles, but cuddle parties and furries really creep me out.
And finally a message that far out does the others in making me speechless, therefore no additional introduction will I give. 

“ My message may sound different but I really felt I can give it a try…
Actually i am new on here,also rarely log on here and i feel lucky i saw your amazing photo and checked your profile,your profile is really inspiring
i choosed to be honest and direct with you ,nothing to loose so i hope you appreciate my honesty and you will not misjudge me…
I am wondering if you are a dominant strong confident lady and if you would ever consider having a personal slave for real…r u dominant as you look?
I dont expect a reply but i know i will be luck if you did
Wish to hear back from you”
Men, please oh please if you want decent woman to be on dating sites, help a brother out and call them an idiot for sending messages like these.  There are only so many messages that any given person can nervously laugh off and or delete before wondering if all the crazies are online.  It makes me almost wish I received messages like this “So why u read so much? U should go out more”, as one lady lamented to me on twitter from her previous online dating days.
And then after all of that I finally received a real and genuine message that I had to do a double take.

I actually created my profile so I could send you a note. How’s that for effort?

You seem very cool. Very pretty, fit, tall. All things I like. I’m plenty tall enough for you to wear your heals. What do you do to stay fit? I like the gym. A little crossfit and traditional weight lifting. I might do the color me rad run this summer even though I’m not much of a runner.

What else would you like to know about me?

What else can you tell me about you?”

This message was simple, sweet, and thoughtful.   I bet this guy is going to be getting more dates out of his effort than all the guys in my past two posts combined.  I hope I have not scared any of you fine ladies from online dating, I mean you already know what the worst out there looks like.  You can now laugh it off and go and find that person that you actually click with.

It’s My Party And I Will Cry If I Want To…

Every birthday I am reminded of the most important relationship that each of has, and that is the relationship with ourselves.  For almost longer than I care to admit I did not like myself.  Birthdays have always been that time of year where I could not seem to escape that realization, so I cried.  I have cried on my birthday every year of my life, well up until quite recently.  I remember my mom asking me year after year why I was crying and I always said that I did not know, to which she would just hug me and say that maybe I just needed a good cry and to join the party when I was ready.  When I first heard the song “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”, I was so excited to use that line with my mom on my next birthday.  And sure enough on my 9th birthday I exclaimed those very lyrics through tears.  I felt that it bothered my mom when I cried so I made great efforts to hide it.

I was very afraid of people wishing me happy birthday all throughout my childhood in fear that I would suddenly burst into tears.  Soon I began to plan all my parties on a day other than the 28th, and to any one significant in my life I would ask that we just stayed home on that day and have a nice home cooked meal or something very low key.  I know just writing this makes me sound a little crazy, I mean who in their right mind actually avoids people on their birthday because they are afraid of crying in public?  Well I sure did, and I had no clue that I was doing this up until the birthday that I did not shed a tear.  I remember waking up the day after in shock that I made it through that whole day without even a sniffle or painful eye burning sensation as the tears well up and you try not to blink a single one out.

It has only been a few years of tear free birthdays, but it is a real victory for me to be able to look back on the previous year and know that I am happy with myself, that I am happy with the decisions made in the previous year and that I can look in the mirror with a tear free smile.  I look forward to many more years of the same mentality and I wish the same to all my readers.  

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