Category: Orgasm

My First Wand [Product Review]

    K Ghislaine

(Please note that this article includes a review of a complimentary product, and affiliate links)

Intimate Curves Rechargeable Wand

If I had to choose one positive side to being single, it would be getting in touch with all the various ways I can reach orgasm all by my lonesome. And a huge part of that personal exploration has included testing all the sex toys in my drawer, and putting serious effort into discovering new ones that work best for my body. While I wish this was something I did of my own accord, the truth is my favourite toy (of almost a decade) went out in a blaze of buzzing glory late last year. I had purchased it at the recommendation of a lovely salesperson in a tiny boutique that sadly no longer exists, le sigh. So, my exploration was in part forced upon me, and if I’m honest, a long time coming (tee hee).

For those who are not interested in my babble, and just want a down and dirty toy review, feel free to scroll down to the specs section.  When you do, there will be a handy little discount code so you can purchase directly from Adam and Eve, or if you are impatient click the Adam and Eve link, then please come back, and continue reading ?  (Get 50% off almost any 1 adult item & FREE US/CAN shipping by using offer code BREAKING at AdamandEve. 18+ Only.)

Now for those who love my babble and want to read all about the orgasmic experiences I have had with my new wand, please continue on. 

Are Sex Toys Investments?

I am nothing but honest, and the truth of the matter was, I needed a salesperson to sell me my most frequently used toy. My experiences a young adult was limited to the hard plastic $20 dollar, battery operated vibrators, that broke pretty much on an annual basis. I assumed that was the extent of all toys available, and as I reached orgasm with it, spending additional money was a waste. However, that dear lady showed me that toys could be an investment, and there was long term value in spending more upfront. Doing the math on a $130 toy, that lasted nearly a decade, and didn’t include the constant expense of batteries was my first foray into a more sophisticated buzzing device. Now that I had a firm grasp on the dollars and cents of the investment, it was time to explore if toys really were all created equal.

I poured over online review after online review trying to find a replacement, and the only common factor was that seemed constant was that no one toy suits every bodies needs. Finding a toy is as difficult as finding an in flesh sexual partner. Ok, perhaps it’s a little easier, but the fact remains that our bodies are unique and different. And while a deep rumbling vibration may bring one person to ecstasy, there is no guarantee that it will be universally effective. I, for example, truly believed that I needed the strongest buzz I could possibly get. But it turns out that sex toys have changed a lot in a decade. It is a whole new world out there, and the vibration quality has definitely improved. And as an added bonus, we have come a long way from balancing that magnetic charger ever so gently to get proper contact and a full recharge (RIP toy that was wonderful, but also filled with irritation).

So, where has this quest taken me? Well, if you go through my blog, you can peruse quite a few adventures I have been on from dildos, to rabbits, and even to clitoral sucking devices.  But the one thing I had not dared try was a wand. Wands were quite frankly, out of my price range, simply because I did not understand the power, or the reliability of them. I cannot thank Adam and Eve enough for providing me with the intimate curves rechargeable wand, that put all my hesitations to rest.

All of my vibrators up until this point have done one thing consistently, and that is bring me to an orgasm that left me wanting to do it again and again. And I assumed that this was the function of toys.  A quick release, and you can get on with your day, or to add spice to a sexual encounter with a partner.  That being said, I humbly admit that I was not in ownership of the best toy for my body. After using this wand I actually felt fully and completely satisfied. It was honestly the closest I have ever come to orgasm from intercourse (in regards to satisfaction level), and that is without any penetration. Am I converted, yes! Would I recommend? Yes!

Now it’s everyone’s favourite part of a product review, the actual sex toy review!

First, the colour. Yup, I love pretty pink toys.  Actually, they don’t have to be pink, there is just something magical about a beautiful toy and the detail and aesthetics of this wand in particular make me very happy.

Second, it is wireless. The flexibility to take the toy anywhere really suits my lifestyle. So, this was a huge motivating factor when comparing to other wands.

Third, the actual vibration strength, waterproofing (which I love not only for bath play but also the peace of mind that I can clean it thoroughly), and the comfort of the silicon.  All of these are A+.

Fourth, ease of navigation and the ability to turn off. I am such a fan of these new, easy to read lights. I know, this may not be relevant to many, but the simple satisfaction that I know the toy is actuall off with just a press of the power key (3 second hold) gives me a lot of peace of mind.

Fifth, and the final point, the ability to get me off! Yes, this toy has given me multiple orgasms. In fact, so many that I had to leave my house in order to finish this review. This is the first time that I have felt this satisfied from a sex toy and could go back for seconds, thirds, or whatever my body would allow all day long.

Do I recommend this sex toy? Yes. Do I think you should go exploring for something that suits your body as well as this did for me? Yes!  And in order to help you with that, the lovely people at Adam and Eve are giving you a handy discount code at checkout to receive 50% off of almost everything on their online store with free shipping in US/CAN. Simply click this link www.adameve.com/?sc=BREAKING and use BREAKING at checkout.

And of course, don’t forget to report back with your findings and exploration!  Sex is wonderful, so let us pass the knowledge of our great orgasms on!

Pet Peeve Time: Play with Me

    K Ghislaine
Pet Peeve

Are you ready for one of my pet peeves?  Ok, mostly I am writing this post so I can better understand why this term sends me into a rage, and hopefully come out more understanding on the other side, though I am not holding my breath.  The term that really has my panties in a bunch is when I get offers to play.  Further, just using the word playing with me, or pleasing me, or really any of the variations such as playtime, looking for a playmate, and new partners to play, just squicks me out!  I am a grown woman who wants to be more than your pleasure toy, or any of the variations these words equate to.  Especially when it comes to strangers.  There is no way, a person can open on an online dating site, with, “hey, I saw you were non-monogamous and I have a friend who is willing to play with us” will EVER work with me. 

Deep audible sigh of frustration has just occurred as I typed that out direct from a recent message.  Why does a phrase that is so common in the lifestyle, swinging community, etc. bug me so much?  The first thing is, I equate sex with intimacy.  Unless we have a strong bond, or intense physical chemistry (in person only), I just will not enjoy sex as just an act.  I have great difficulty with the concept of sex as exercise or just thrusting through the motions.  Sex is so much more to me than just the orgasm.  It is the person, sights, smells, sounds, feelings, etc. that make it something that I adore so much.  So, to just relegate it to playtime?  Ick.

The other thing that bothers me about just playing with people is the whole juvenile aspect of the word play.  I love running around like a kid outside, playing ridiculous games with my friends, and laughing till I cry while playing fetch with my dog as he brings the toys back in every manor of silliness.  This sensation of feeling like a kid again, or being responsibility free, even for a moment is something I strive to achieve as much as possible.  But the line is very clearly visible for me when the clothes come off and there is a possibility of the sensual or intimate to happen.  I just cannot ever envision me saying “Ok hunny, it’s playtime” with the aim of having sex. Or dare I say, asking a stranger to “play with me”. Bleh!

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I am trying, in this moment, to envision a time where sex was playful, funny, and just a complete messy situation that had everyone howling.  And the truth is, I can remember countless times when this has happened.  I even recall a few moments during one of my hottest MFM’s. But the big difference is that these situations happened with people I was very comfortable being intimate with.  This wasn’t just a spontaneous “playtime” that had every stranger giggling.  No, this was intense hilarity with people I trusted implicitly with my body, and my mind. 

Ok, I am beginning to realize my actual dislike of the word and why that is.  I hate when strangers want to play with me.  I despise when a person online wants to be my plaything or vice versa.  And I especially loath when a stranger, offers up, yet another stranger as a way of stringing me along and trying desperately to give me what they think I want, AKA a blatant attempt just to get into my pants.  Playing with me, equates to me feeling objectified specifically when it comes to someone I have never met, and now, will never go out of my way to meet.

So please, do not tell me that you want to play with me, in an effort to get me interested in you. I repeat, I am a grown woman, who does not enjoy the idea of playtime with strangers. While using any sort of sexual context in an opening message will get a swift delete from me, using play will make me gag, and make irrational decisions like reporting and blocking. Don’t put me through that. Be thoughtful, creative, and treat me like a real human!

Well, thank you for sharing in the eye-opening dissection of why this term really turns me off.  Do you have a term that elicits a similar reaction?  Let me know on Twitter or in the comments section.  Or as always, you can chat with me on Patreon, and also see my behind the scenes photo gallery from this and many other posts!

The No Kissing Rule

    K Ghislaine

The Lengths People go to Avoid Catching the Feels

No Kissing Rule

The No Kissing Rule, and other ways non-monogamous people try to keep from catching the feels.

No matter who you are or what you try to do non-monogamy at some point, will push your comfort zone limits.  It is a guarantee.  Actually, the only certainty there really is.  it’s And even though it is 100% going to happen, people create rules, especially swingers, to prevent any sort of feeling from arising with those outside of their spouse in order to protect their own comfort.  While the rational human knows this is doomed to fail, it doesn’t stop people from trying.  My favorite one of these such rules is the no kissing one, it is extremely common, and in my opinion an effort in futility.

Let’s take a step back here though and start from the beginning.  Non-monogamy is a way for people to share intimacies with people other than their partners, or if solo, with more than one person.  There are a plethora of ways to show intimacy, from flirting, to kissing, to sex, and pretty much everything in between.  And people choose to break free from monogamy for a variety of reasons, including sexless relationships, dead bedroom situations, variety, adding spice, or just a basic urge to enjoy the bodies or explore relationships with more than one person “till death do you part”. And at this point I feel it’s important to state that this blog is a judgement free zone for the most part.  Every flavor and style are welcome here.  I love variety and certainly hold the stance that love should be free, and should be something that works for you, whatever label suits you, or in my case, breaking free of labels and just living authentically for my own happiness.

However, this whole, no kissing rule pushes my understanding of freedom of expression.  Why in the world would you allow your partner to express themselves with their genitals, but restrict the touching of their lips?  What makes lips so sacred?  My hunch, is that there is a huge amount of intimacy surrounding the kiss, and couples restrict that contact to limit catching the feels.  They are OK with objectifying the act of sex, and less OK with the existence of intimacy.  Orgasms and adrenaline, hell ya!  Feels and intimacy, fuck no!  

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And the hard truth of the matter, from my perspective, is that they reduce sex to a physical act, and turn an orgasm into a regular bodily function, which is absolutely not my thing.  I don’t ever want sex to be just another motion.  I want it to be whatever it can, with flexibility and surprise and intrigue.  Not to be relegated to restrictions on what body parts can touch.  For example, have you ever heard of an mfm where the rule is the guys can never touch?  Haha!  Yeah, good luck with that.  It is damn near impossible not to at the very least have accidental grazing.  And when that happens, it does not mean you have to turn in your straight card.  Just as with kissing, it does not mean that you are instantly going to fall in love with another person… but it might…

The point is, I try to live my life restriction free.  And while I am not always very good at it, I am trying.  Point of fact, every single time I have placed a restriction on my partner it has blown up in my face and vice-versa. So knowing my own shortcomings with restrictions, I find it very difficult to understand couples who allow sex to occur with others, but draw a hard line at kissing. The whole “I trust you with my body, but not my lips”? Or more often than not, one partner can adjust or accept someone having sex with their partner, but seeing or thinking about the intimacy of a kiss would send them into a spiral of jealousy. And I cannot help but boil that down to desensitizing sex to the level of porn. Something viewed, and not experienced for it’s entirety.

So now that I have probably pissed off a whole bunch of kissing free swingers, I should probably just stop here. I question things I don’t understand, and if you would like to share with me how this works for you, or where I have missed the point, please know I am absolutely willing to listen.

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Ways I “O”, Being a Female

    K Ghislaine

False sex educators and the truth about female orgasms.

If you follow me on Twitter then you most likely have seen the interactions I have had over the last few months with a little account run by Jane.  If not, here is a quick rundown.  Jane likes to self promote herself as a sex educator and brags that she has over 20 years investigating everything to do with the female orgasm.  She has no education in the field, instead she is financially so well off that she does this as a passion project and won’t let silly things like science get in her way.  She constantly does shout-outs pleading with any women who orgasms to reach out, and talk to her about them, because according to her “women are terrified when talking about orgasms” “and only orgasm as part of the male fantasy”.   When I started following her she had an impressive 208K following count, was asking lots of questions and seemed to be fairly responsive.  I love reading anything to do with sex, and a women doing research on orgasms seemed like a really cool account to follow. 

But then, it got a little weird.  I remember reading one of her little quips which stated that a woman cannot orgasm through her cervix because it was not a sex stimulator and any women who claims to do so does not actually know what on orgasm is.  Hmm… Well that just doesn’t seem right.  And with a few internet searches of actual scientific research I found that this is not factually based. Phew, my body is not wrong according to science and I do know what an orgasm is.  So, I did my due diligence and wrote to her about my own experience with being multi-orgasmic and a few links to the research I had just done.  And very swiftly she removed herself as a follower of mine and I moved on with my life… until late last year when her name popped up again.

So I went onto her feed looking for information on any recent research she had about orgasms. One of my early posts on Quality versus Quantity of my own orgasms is a piece that I always wanted to expand a on, so I will be honest, I just filtered her many posts looking primarily for orgasm research.  But what I found instead was alarming.  She mentioned that women only get turned on by fantasy and erotica, and that physical stimulation is not a real orgasm in women.  She went onto say that vibrators were an invention of the sex industry to help women fake orgasm and what a female achieves with one is not authentic.  After being horrified for a few moments, I went on a quick, then filed her under the, “must be a troll” category and tried to get on with my life. 

But honestly, with that many followers and so many mutual sex positive friends in common, I began to doubt.  Why would all these people be following her too?  I mean, I will be honest, when I first came across her account I questioned the validity of my own orgasms and actually did some research.  So, while a troll she may be, this was bordering on dangerous.  A self promoted sex educator who spouts things that sound click baity could actually be doing harm to those looking for help or knowledge.  And that’s when I decided to start quoting, questioning and rallying a few people to take notice.  And after a few weeks, I am very proud to say it worked.

I was blocked from her within the week of my mission.  It turns out that she doesn’t accept anyone challenging her opinions.  She believes that her ability to achieve orgasm once every two weeks makes her special and a unique individual, and therefor anyone who achieves more than that is misguided, uniformed, faking it, or just plain lying.

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Being as open as I am, I take great offence in being called a liar.  I can achieve multiple orgasms in a single session, in a wide varieties of ways including clitoral, internally (deep and… well not always so deep), and externally on various parts of the erogenous zones on my body.  I am not including this to brag, but one of her accounts key points is that women will not talk about orgasms, that we afraid, ashamed, or just don’t achieve it, so it must be a myth for the majority.  And I am hear to say loudly and proudly that each of us achieves sexual satisfaction in our own ways.  They should all be celebrated, and explored and repeated whenever possible.   So, thank you all for being part of this amazing sex positive community, and for those who interacted with her, thank you for asking questions, and sharing your own experiences.  I hear and see your words!  

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Quantity vs Quality: The Orgasm

    K Ghislaine
No clever introductions on this post, I am just going to jump right into the topic at hand, which is quantity versus quality of an orgasm.  In the past, I was with a partner for a long period of time and sex was not amazing.  It was good, yet there was something off about it, and I felt awkward even mentioning what that was to my close friends.  Years later, I can finally admit the problem, and that was the simple fact that quantity took more importance over quality.  How can one possibly be taken seriously when their main complaint of their sex life is that they are having too many orgasms?  From experience, you can’t.  Nothing about that statement allows for a conversation, an explanation or even a tiny little morsel of sympathy.  In fact, you get glares, and then the one ups begin.  “You think that’s a problem, try not getting laid at all”, or “what I would kill to just get one, so don’t complain about too many to me”.
In fairness, I was most likely not explaining clearly what the issue with this really was.  Partially because no one stuck around long enough for me to verbally work out the rationale behind the complaint.  I tried to start with, “what I wouldn’t give for a quickie” or variations of the same thinking process.  Though this would not have solved the problem, as orgasms were simply a means to an end, and I will now admit, it was a competition.  The two of us, would try to find ways for me to reach the O into the high 20’s.  The goal for me, to one day pass out, not be able to walk, and that sort of thing.  Sex was in fact a game.  And the sad reality, is that people get bored of games.  It is one thing to entertain into a friendly competition from time to time, but we are talking years of this.  Year with no inventiveness, no attention to detail, and absolutely no variety.  It was the tried and true method, then keep that going for as long as possible, as the high score wins.
Of course there is a biological basis for this phenomenon.  Men are hardwired to want sex in higher quantities to increase their rate of reproductive chances and therefore the survival of their very genes.  Woman on the other hand are hardwired to be choosy, as the cost of reproduction is much higher.  For example the energy it takes for a man to reproduce is very small, a one time shot.  Whereas, for a woman to reproduce, she must be able to carry the fetus for 9 months, sharing her resources, and continue to do so beyond that, into the infancy stage.   By sheer numbers alone, a man can have thousands of children, and the max number a female has ever reproduced was 69.  Men choose quantity, and woman choose quality.  And unfortunately the studies to show why men orgasm once, versus woman having the potential for multiple O’s are not conclusive by any measure, although I think the parallels between burden of procreation versus pleasure paint their own picture.
From this, I have deduced that quality overtakes quantity any day.  Perhaps it was my young age that thought having tonnes of orgasms was more important, and more impressive than just having amazing sex.  Perhaps having an affinity for numbers, being able to quantify was easier than saying I needed something different, that more meaningful feeling.  To be able to cum without aiming for a record, and instead having them with more intensity, variety, and passion seems quite satisfying.  As I get older, passion is a word that I can connect with more and more.  It is the ultimate level of satisfaction, that place where nothing gets in the way for a few moments.  Raw, emotional, and memory making tied up in a pretty little bow.  The quest for quality and passion, never to allow numbers to get in the way again is my own, and it was a strange realization to have so many years after the fact.
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