My partner and I have the most amazing set up in our bedroom ever! Basically, we have a room for beds (post has a very sexy picture!). But finding the perfect queen sized mattresses was a bit of a process, during which we discovered that while silicon lube is amazingly fun for the sexy times, it is also a nightmare to clean. I have included quick links to all products mentioned both for clarity, and because they are amazing products that I am proud to be an affiliate for. So without further ado here is my story, and what I hope will be a warning to all out there to not make the same mistake, and if you do, the only solution that worked!
Once upon a time, a man and a woman decided that for the sanity of their relationship, purchasing two queen sized beds was not only the sleep system they needed, but the one they both deserved. And thus the hunt for the perfect mattresses began. And after much deliberation and product testing, the two agreed upon a set that fit their budget and hopefully their ultimate ZZZ regiment. The two quickly christened their new bed, and after the fun was over, haphazardly placed the silicon lube in between the two mattresses. With the lube out of sight, and out of mind, the pair went on with their testing of the mattresses and sadly decided that their first purchase was just not to be.
With a vacation quickly approaching, the two asked for an extension to exchange their mattresses and this was generously granted (this is a key component of the treacherous tale). So upon returning from their vacation, the hunt for the actual best mattresses began, nearly 2 months after their initial purchase. They tested, and tried. Snuggled on all sorts of beds for what seemed like weeks on end until finally they fell in love with their would be forever mattresses! Rejoice! The two celebrated the up coming day of exchange. But, uh oh! Upon washing the sheets in preparation for the next week delivery a nasty stain was discovered on not one, but on all the mattresses and box springs! The culprit… that sneaky bottle of silicon lube! It had been put in upside down and the stain had set without either party noticing.
Panic quickly ensued as the two raced to good ole google to source out the best way to remove the nasty stain. And if anyone out there has researched a similar query it turns out that time is of the essence. After nearly 3 months of the stain sitting it had set. It looked as if all hope was lost. And for those of you wondering, yes, the exchange was dependent on a stain and tear free product. There is no giving up allowed in the quest for the perfect night sleep! The room was torn apart, and the mattresses and box springs placed stain side up, so I could begin the assessment and start preliminary testing of cleaning techniques.
Would soap and water be enough? Nope. How about some Oxy clean? Nope. My favorite secret cleaning tool of Club Soda was also a total bust. Ok, this was getting a little freaky. The research rabbit hole lead us from kitchen cleaning sites, to sex toy blogs, and nothing, nadda was powerful enough to fix our current situation. Finally, there was a eureka moment… let’s turn to science. What product out there actually breaks down silicon? The answer was daunting, Mineral spirits, which is a fancy name for turpentine! How in the hell was I going to clean the mattresses (which were black by the way) and not destroy them, or myself in the process? Let me share with you my process.
Cleaning Silicon Lube from a Mattress (or 4)
1) Ventilate the room as this stuff in incredibly flammable. I had the window open, and two fans going at all times.
2) Wear protection including a ventilator, eye protection and gloves.
3) Spot check a teeny tiny little spot and cross your fingers that none of the colour leaches out. And check that the fabric does not start to breakdown or the fibres break apart.
4) Then grab a tooth brush, dunk it in the spirits and start breaking down that silicon with tiny little semi circular motions.
5) Rinse thoroughly with cold soapy water to prevent the chemicals from penetrating too deep into the mattress.
6) Repeat all steps until the stain is lifted.
Now here’s the thing, I repeated this same process twice daily for 4 full days. And in the end, even with all the ventilation it still stunk to high hell of gas fumes. So, I did what any person, desperate to get the full refund back does, I dosed it with Fabreze, followed by citrus soap, and Febreze again. After nearly a day of just sitting there, soaking all the scent masking, I was finally satisfied enough to make the exchange. And amazingly, it went off without a hitch! And I was so relieved as they actually sent in an inspector for the task! The stain in all four pieces was adequately lifted, and I had created a fresh and clean scent that hid all trace of the harsh chemicals used. But let me tell you, for all the success at the end, it was hard freaking work, and a process I hope never to have to repeat. So, do yourselves a favor, and don’t leave silicon lube to set. Or better yet, be proactive and start using a water proof blanket designed specifically for messes in mind such as the Waterproof blankets for “intimate” play!. I could have saved myself both the emotional stress and actual headache I received from this harrowing adventure by being preventive and not waiting until the last minute to clean the stain.