Online Dating: Do and Do Not Top 5 List

Online dating has been and remains a large part of how I find new people to interact with.  I have been using various sites for over 8 years, and while I have changed what I am looking for (couples only at the moment) I have created for myself a list of Do’s and Don’t s.  Now I acknowledge I can be a little on the picky side, however I have 3 fundamental items that time and time again I will not waver on. 

1. Do NOT send a dick picture when online dating…EVER!  This rule is hard and fast without any exceptions.  Do not have one in your profile, and do not use your dick as an ice breaker or conversation piece EVER!  No one wants to see your random junk.  And I like many out there have written a piece or too begging guys to stop this deviant and deplorable behavior, so if you still don’t understand please read this for further insight.  (Please note that I love the cock and I appreciate seeing it within the bounds of my relationship.  This advice is for online dating and is to be applied until you are in a relationship or have been explicitly asked for one, and even then, I would double check prior to sending a photo of your dick!)

2. I want to see your eyes in at least one photo.  If you have your eyes covered in every single photo I will never meet you, EVER.  This is a lesson that I have learned via trial and error.  I have given a few guys the benefit of the doubt over the years and have always come home disappointed.  Eyes are the most important image to have on your profile, and I have talked to numerous people of all genders and looking for statuses who say the same.  Eyes tell a lot about a person and I want to see them before I start chatting and long before I sit down to coffee or a beer.

3. Please for the love of my sanity do NOT have your children, or any child in your profile picture.  I don’t care if you are holding them or if they are so adorable that you feature them with you off in the background.  Whatever your intent, it is a bad idea.  Online dating is for adults.  Your children did not give consent to help you get laid, and I could go on and on about the creep factors associated with this particular picture choice.  No matter how important they are in your life, online dating is about you and meeting another person.  You would never bring a kid on a first date, so do not use them lure someone in.  Just, stop it!

Now here is where I need your help readers.  My title for this post says top 5, and I have only written 3.  I want to hear from you, your must haves, complete hates, whatever is most important to you in the world of online dating. You can tweet me, @K_Ghislaine, DM me, facebook msg, comment on the bottom of this post or even text me your suggestions (if you know me), that one thing that you will not sway on.  I will update this post accordingly and the intention is to improve peoples online dating success!

I have a few suggestions to help get the juices flowing, from not having a profile picture at all, or perhaps you are tired of seeing all those damn dead fish shots.  Either way, I would love to hear from you to help me finish this list!

***Thank you for the feedback! And without further ado, may I present number 4 and 5 for the completion of the do and do not online dating list***

4. Cropping out your ex or scribbling out her face is bad form.  Do not do this!  If your best picture is of you with your ex, pick up that handy little cell phone in your pocket and take a new one.  Better yet, take a shower, get dressed up and get a friend to take a brand spanking new photo of you.  But do not have a photo where we can see a ladies arm, or some crappy smiley face pasted over your old partners face.  You can do better!

5.  Group shots as your profile picture is one of the worst ideas to use.  Here’s what happens when I see this.  I guess who you are, then I scroll to the next photo, and see yet another group shot.  So I guess again and then I scroll only to finally see who you are.  And low and behold I am disappointed.  Either I guessed wrong, and I dislike losing.  Or I see who you are and I am not impressed because my time has been wasted.  Is our first meeting going to be with a group of your bros?  No?  Then put your own photo up first.  Do not waste my energy guessing who you are.  It won’t end well for you, or increase your status.  And really ladies, I must pick on you here too.  Your group shots are far worse than any I have seen on a man’s profile.  And did you get permission from every lady in the group to post that ridiculous shot of you having so much fun that one time 10 years ago at the club?  No?  Then just take it down!

And an honorable mention goes to snap chat or filters.  It should go without saying that we wanna see you.  Not some adorable faun with bubbles that looks oh so delicious.  It’s lame and makes you look incredibly immature and just tad dumb.  So, be real.  Be authentic.  And ask yourself how you would react to the photo’s you put up before you activate your profile.  Would you want to meet you?

*** Now offering One on One dating coaching in YYC, click here for details and rates*** 

Profile Pictures: Thank You for Those Damn Fish!

Yes, you are correct boys, women love a good dead fish picture.  And what’s more, we are judging you by the size of it.  The bigger the fish, the better.  We don’t just want to know that you can provide a meal for us, caught all by yourself, but we want to know that there will be enough for leftovers!  Oh, you are looking for a woman who cooks and cleans?  Is that directly related to the fish you just caught?  Why sir, you’re in luck.  We will happily gut that fish and throw it in the frying pan with the secret recipe of spices that all us online dating woman share.

I guess fair is fair though.  Because we female species know that when we put quadding or camping in our profiles, your manhood starts getting chubby.  I mean how else do we prove that we are “down to earth“.  Not a girly girl that you have to constantly spoil and pamper, but that rough and tumble chick that you can bring around to your buddies and get the hi fives from.

And for all online dating profiles equally, please stop putting nothing but group photos up.  I do not know what you look like, and I don’t want to try and pick you out of a crowd.  Plus, you are either the hot one in the group showing off, or the ugly one trying to bank on the cheerleader effect.  Oh, but look how much fun we are all having posing for this epic picture?  No, seriously, I do not know which one you are and chances are when I figure it out, I am going to be disappointed!


If you want to know anything about me, I’m an open book.  Please ask me anything, because I don’t want to spend the time writing anything in my profile.  I just hate these online things, and I am looking for the easiest means of meeting the one.  We can always lie about how we met!  Just judge me on the size of my fish, and not on my vocabulary!

Online Profile Pictures

I wrote a post a while back that discusses Fictitious Dating Profiles , geared at men who post fake profiles.  Now I find myself needing to speak out about men with no picture at all.  So here is the way I see this.  I have my picture up.  So in basic terms of tit for tat, if you try and contact a person with a picture, you better have a photo of yourself in return.  It is only fair.  While I have been sympathetic in the past to the multitude of excuses for not having a picture up, privacy, insecure, just don’t want to, blah blah, please understand that there will be no further communication from me.


  
Why do I draw such a hard line?  It is fairly simple, humans are visual.  I want to have an accurate picture of who I am talking to, prior to making any sort of connection.  There is a safety aspect, too, that I will fall back on when I am trying to be nice.  The whole, having a conversation with someone and then finding out what they look like weeks later, and it’s your next door neighbor old stalker, or some scary stuff like that. 

The bottom line though, I do not like surprises.  I do not find it fun, to make an online connection and then find out that the person is morbidly obese, or completely not my type.  I have a wonderful partner.  I am not looking to find blind love on the internet.  I would rather that no time was wasted on a killer personality (see what I did there?), but someone who hadn’t cut his hair in year or left his basement except to go the occasional drive through window, which appears to be is his only source of nutrition other than the simpler delivery option.

I just cannot take a person seriously that is so afraid of posting a picture online of themselves looking to meet other people.  Are you honestly that scared of the co –worker finding your online profile?  Why?  What is that co-worker doing on there?  Perhaps the same thing you are?  Or are you not allowed a personal life outside of the office?  Ok fine.  You are insecure and truly want your wit and charm to shine through over your looks.  You have decided that you do not think looks matter.  Then why are you clicking on the profile pictures of someone else, and not reading their profile?  Are we a wee bit hypocritical there?  Hey, you’re hot, but I’m not, so don’t be superficial and just pity fuck me OK?
 


My rational for posting a picture on the online dating sites could go on and on.  But the bottom line is, I want to see the person I chat with.  When we go out on couple’s dates, we check out the pictures of both parties, or we do not go.  Very, very simple.  If reading this makes you feel a little butt-hurt, or your brain is racing with that one excuse that would change my mind, feel free to share.  But also, please include a picture of yourself.  

Adding and Expanding Questioning Everything

When I started blogging, I did so for the sole reason of exploring open relationships, in particular my own.  I did not anticipate that I would ever grow such an amazing following or that people would be interested in what I had to say and I have grown to talk about many variations of relationships.  With that being said, I really want to go back and take a closer look at a few posts I have made in the past, to clarify, expand and also to add images wherever I feel is appropriate.  I want to ensure that the day I decide to stop blogging, I have a complete record of where I am, and how I view the world at this time in my life. 

So what will this mean to my dear readers?  I will of course post new content, but also, I will from time to time examine past posts and add some content.  If you so desire, please click on the link within my current post to go back and see what I am referencing or the additions I have made (visual only in most cases).  If you are an aspiring photographer, or just enjoy the hobby, please feel free to contact me as I would love to get some new ideas for pictures.  And for those individuals who mentioned that my blog has been a little too pg rated, I hope you enjoy the additions I will be making.

Confidence in Imperfection

In a recent post, I wrote one of my more vulnerable pieces, which led me to read a book called “Models: Attract Women Through Honesty”, by Mark Manson.  As an unforeseen coincidence when reading this book, I burst into tears while reading about confidence.  This book was recommended to me with the intention that it would help my blog, and the subtle hint was that it may help me as well.  A passage in it hit home, and hit really hard, whereby a couple is trying a quick fix to save their relationship with a romantic vacation.  This was a failure and they broke up when they returned home because the problem was not romance, it was that one of the partners was without confidence.  I can honestly say, I have never just started sobbing like this when reading a non –fiction book before.  I was linked to this couple instantly, and I am sure many of my readers can relate as well.  You know something is missing, and desperately want to find that quick fix, that romantic glue to make everything go back to the way it was in the honeymoon phase.  And yet, what had changed was the confidence level of one of the people in the relationship.  The relationship was not the thing that needed fixing, it was much more personal, and much harder to see at first glance.
It was absolutely liberating for me to start posting my blog with pictures.  I feel amazing and proud for doing so.  I am trying really hard to not think about the wasted time that has been spent lost in what can only be a spiral of identity loss.  The thing I need to focus on, is not that I have never had confidence.  More that when I have it, I feel amazing, strong and proud as I do in the pictures I am starting to share.

Today though was a reminder that self confidence must come from within and must be real, not faked. I was reminded of this after an uncomfortable conversation with a family member.  I will not go into any detail, other than to say I was hung up on for the simple reason that I am perceived to be who I was, and not who I am striving to be.  I find it baffling that certain members of my family would prefer that I wallow in self pity.  That I should be terrified and insecure about things not yet falling into place and be scared of uncertainty.  Yet every book I read, and every conversation I have with confident amazing people tells me otherwise.  I will not dwell on what is missing from the equation.  Rather I am focusing on bettering myself, making the most of where I am at right now and will not spend a moment entertaining those who want to hear a sob story.

I cried when I read how devastating losing ones confidence can be to a relationship and more to ones self identity.  Those tears lasted mere moments, and I dragged my ass out of bed and did something productive.  I have no time to self pity.  My actions must speak louder than any words, or posts that I write.  Confidence is not fleeting, it is identity and the thing that draws people to you.  That power that attracts, and allows things to move forward with success, despite all hiccups or imperfections.