Category: PUA

The Game: I Finally Read It! Here Are My Thoughts and a Question For You [Book Review]

    K Ghislaine

After years of putting it off, I finally sat down and read The Game, by Neil Strauss (Which you can purchase through Amazon.ca, and support this blog) and let me just say it was not what I was expecting, well not entirely.  Being a full time dating and relationship coach by trade, I had read so many synopsis’ and references to the book, that at first I felt I didn’t need to sit and read it.  And for the actual rules, the Pick Up Artist (PUA) information and the way that men are directed to treat or rather not treat, woman to get their digits my suspicions were correct.  I had no idea though, the depth or research that went into Pick Up (PU).  I can see how it so easily becomes a full time job, based on all the books, seminars, online forums and real world weekend sessions that go into it.  So, my hat is tipped to anyone who has put that much effort into the quest to crack the female code.  And here I was expecting to be disgusted and ashamed of anyone that had read the book and tried to implement its theories.

What was also incredibly surprising was just how depressing the book was.  How soulless it made PUA look and the depth with which these often young men were removed from interacting with people normally, after being properly educated in the mystic arts of getting laid.  I almost felt sorry for a few of the guys who got into PU because they were so insecure or bad with women, and ended up simply having notches on their belts, rather than fulfilling relationships or real knowledge about the opposite sex.  Again, this was not what I was expecting going in.  I anticipated some male blustering and many pats on the back, look at how amazing pick up artists are.  It seemed that it was titled accurately, it’s a game, it’s The Game.

As a female reading this book, I admit that I was absolutely and completely enraptured with it from beginning to end.  It was a complete mindfuck to me that men, thought they had figured out how to seduce women with a few simple tricks, routines and props.  And much more, that the stats proved it was successful the majority of the time.  We know there are exceptions to every rule, but without a doubt, these tactics worked and probably still work, who knows, they have probably even worked on me a time or two.  What was even more interesting though, is that even with this formula, this magic way of opening up a female, it couldn’t get you past sex.  It didn’t teach you how to interact long term, or create a lasting bond that is a core desire for almost every human on the planet.  In the end, it was still a bunch of dudes, circle jerking and coming up with new and more creative ways to out do the masters, or to become masters themselves.  The power play became more important than finding happiness with a partner.

The takeaway I felt after reading was that all this effort and education would have been better spent on self improvement and the money on prostitutes or escorts.  The long term value of that combination seems a much safer investment and more productive overall.  Winning at a game is great for bragging with the guys, but if that’s all you end up with, an ego boost and a sock drawer full of contact information have you really used your time wisely?  Because that was the major flaw with this game, that there was no definitive end point.  It’s not like monopoly where the game ends once someone flips over the table. The skills aren’t transferable into a relationship, or meaningful commitments so there is no happily ever after.  And if you’re looking to rise to the top or collect the most numbers, well there is a flaw in that too… the game would never be over.  So you would be left miserable and lonely, simply objectifying every women you meet, and screwing over every guru who shared their knowledge in the futile quest for dominance.  So then, I am left wondering if the title is ironic.  As “The Game” has no clear ending, is it really a game?  Can you really crack the code to universally get into someone’s pants?  Obviously, you can’t, but desperation and the desire to get laid is a remarkable motivator to try isn’t it?

So I ask you, men, who have read The Game, what is your take away?  Did you pick and choose some valuable tidbits and dismiss the rest?  Did you perhaps become so involved in it that is became your world for a while, like many of the characters?  Or did you put it down and dismiss it outright?  Or something entirely different?  What impact did this book or the teaching of PUA have on you?  Comment below 🙂

Red Pill and Swingers

    K Ghislaine

I have always had a strange fascination with outlier groups and how they interact or even survive within society.  And further to that, I am keenly interested in the opposites attract model, for example, the blending of opera and metal is a genre that still takes me down amazing rabbit holes from time to time.  Polarization makes life interesting, for me at least from a historical and anthropological standpoint.  So, when I discovered a user name that merged Red Pill and Swingers, my interest was piqued.  I had researched red pill before, and have even mentioned them in this blog.  So, I asked the question, can the red pill mentality exist in the world of swinging as defined by reddit/urban dictionary.

I won’t lie my gut reaction was disgust that a red pill thinker would ever dream of stepping foot into the world of swinging.  Swinging is designed by default to give women full veto and control, under the assumption that the partners are on equal footing and both love the lifestyle.  Whereby, in the red pill society, the men believe that cultural norms are working to remove males identity so they need to push back, often very hard.  And yet, despite these two clashing views, I constantly see dynamics indicative of red pill believers or at least men who don’t value women to even an equal footing, interacting within the swinging world.  It is ironic at best that they would want to play within the confines where there is even a possibility of female driven dynamic or full partnerships.  Or perhaps they just don’t realize fully that this is so.

For example, I have seen men say that they have “allowed” their partner to have full control at clubs.  And that they re-assure her constantly that all she has to do is say no, and the brakes will be applied.  And yet, with these rules in place, breakdowns in communication occur.  These men are confused by a woman slowing down, or using any word other than no, to take a break.  For these male, the cultural norm is to respond to the word no, and no alone.  Any other verbiage or body language finds him confused, irritated and unresponsive.  This emotional lack of maturity or awareness breeds an unsafe environment.  One that lends itself to drama or violence.  I want no part of that.  Instability does not work well within swinging or non-monogamy.

I don’t like taking a stance that one group cannot play nicely with another, and yet I personally would not trust my body in the hands of someone who feels that he is victimized in society by women.  That his rightful place has been taken from him, and he needs to fight back.  A man whose vocabulary includes definitions like these below, has no place in my bedroom:

  • Snowflake – A woman who tries to persuade a man that she’s somehow unique, different, or special by playing up her good girl resume and downplaying her bad girl resume. When used as a verb, snowflaking refers to the argument she puts forth to justify her claim.
  • Solipsism – In Red Pill, solipsism (e.g. female solipsism) refers to the female’s tendency to frame everything she experiences or witnesses in terms of herself and her own needs – personalizing it **- even when such personalization would not make contextual sense.
  • The Wall – The point in a woman’s life where her ego and self-assessed view of her sexual market value exceed her actual sexual market value; the beginning of the decline. Usually occurs as a wake-up shock to women when they realize that their power over men was temporary and that their looks are fading. This usually results with first denial and then a sudden change in priority towards looking for a husband. Even after hitting the wall, many women will squander a few more precious years testing her SMV with alphas to double-check, hoping her perceived decline was a fluke, this will make her even more bitter when she finally has to settle for a worse-beta than she could’ve gotten before because of squandering her youth.

And I will say flatly that woman who are overtly feminists are difficult for me to interact with on a sexual level as well.  However, I wouldn’t fear for my safety or well being from a woman, to the same degree that I would from a man.  There is a visual size difference, and an assumption of unequal strength that are genetic and nothing to do with gendered acceptance.

Sexual freedom and expression is something I value highly.  However, as I peruse the gendered outlier dynamics that stray away from equality (Red Pill, PUA, MRA’s), I have no choice but to conclude that they are a group that should not be interacting with swingers.  And this conclusion surprises me greatly as I tend to find balance and some sort of middle ground in practically everything that I learn about.  Here, I have found nothing redeeming or acceptable in subscribing to a group mindset that dismisses facts about current gender climate and creates an artificial way of thinking to further boost an ego at the direct repression of another.  Red Pill thinkers and Swingers do not mix, and cannot find any rational reason, though I tried, to even entertain a middle ground.  If they get in, I want out.

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Oversimplification the Norm? Relationships are Not Black or White

    K Ghislaine
I have pondering how best to make my views clear about how dating and relationships are changing in our society.  Although I have not come to any solid conclusion as to whether this is going to ultimately be a positive or a negative there are a few aspects that are definitely making me wonder just how out of touch we are with our fellow man.  I have long since known about such groups that glorify pick up artists or vilify depending on what side of the coin you are on.  I have some opinions that are based on personal experiences, and they have expanded my viewpoints from my previous stance that all PUA are slimy and could never get in my pants.  I constantly am evolving my views based on new information and education, but I fear I may be in the minority.  Specifically I fear that groups the utilize seduction are becoming dangerously polarized and are missing the point of why these techniques work and more importantly overlook the centuries of research and hard work.
Yesterday I read about a society called the red pill.  I do not want to over simplify them as that would result in contributing to more polarized views and that is not my intent.  However for purposes of this blog and sharing new information about relationships I will do a quick summary.  The Red Pill ‘society’ has evolved as men’s rebuttal to feminism.  As women are becoming accepted as equal, having more places in society where their voices can be heard, there exists a group of men who fear that they are losing some ground.  They are trying to use the art of seduction, the game, and pick up techniques to bring about a new and defined purpose for themselves.  Unfortunately the majority of criticism stems from how woman are viewed in this new level of consciousness.  If men are fighting feminism, then woman stand to be objectified, and purposed for sex and reproduction alone.  I should mention that inherent in the red pill is the dichotomy of the blue pill group which arguably have features and the mentality opposite to the red ‘pillars’. 
Why does it constantly seem that society is so hell bent on putting our world and relationships into categories.  You are a feminist or a red pill follower.  This branched into you think like a red pill or a blue pill person.  Little boxes, and categories that do nothing to bring us closer together.  The aim seems to be separation, dichotomies, and a place where you belong.  With all our education, viewpoints and surplus of ideas available should we not be fighting these norms?  Should we not be attempting to expand and utilize all the materials we have available and think in more 3 dimensional states rather than this mere 2D? 

I have read quite a few books on seduction, sex, relationships, and self help books.  I do this with intention of bettering myself, and strengthening the relationships I have with those around me.  I forget sometimes that these resources can be used to control, or to create unnecessary competition between our peers.  Alpha beta battles among men, feminism or red pill between the sexes, all frame works created within the last few decades polarizing how we treat each other.  Should we not be able to see beyond the black and white?  To exist in a world of colour, where by we cease oversimplifying everything we see.  Where we accept that there can be multiple opinions and states of being that expand our horizons and challenge us to be individuals?  Whole humans, not categorized, not dichotomized, not put into labels and dismissed?