Sex Positive and Safe Sex Go Hand in Hand

As someone who prides herself on being a part of the sex positive community, I am a little embarrassed about how little I talk about safe sex, and more to the point, about how there are absolutely zero resources to be found anywhere on my site for those who want to practice safe sex, and get tested regularly.  Well, with this post (Thank you STDcheck.com for showing me the error in my ways and sponsoring this post), I am striving to improve on that glaring oversight.  Sometimes I forget how limited the access is for people to get tested regularly, and practice safe sex because I live in Canada, where healthcare is free and I am extraordinarily lucky to have a family doctor that I can be open and honest about being non-monogamous with.  And as an added bonus she supports me in regular testing and screening and will even remind me on occasion when I am due or ask me if I have had new partners and want to book a fresh screening.  But it took me years to find her, and I recognize that very few are as lucky as I am in that regard and thus I feel it is my duty to write this PSA.

If I am being completely honest, having a strong network of safe sex, support and resources makes my non-monogamous life possible.  For you see, I subscribed for a long time to the stigma about how dangerous sex with other people can be, and how your chances of catching something grew exponentially with each new partner.  It kept me monogamous to a fault, and when I was first introduced to open relationships, held me in a steadfast fueled by a strong fear of actually exploring sex with other people due to inherent risks.  It was one of the biggest hurdles for me to overcome in my early years of non-monogamy, well and a mix of jealousy and insecurity.

And that is why, for me, writing this post about safe sex is so important, because it makes being non-monogamous possible, and ethical.  Safety is not just about condoms.  It is about disclosure, consent and regular testing.  These are the fundamental building blocks that make non monogamy fun, and allow me to relax and enjoy new people and situations.  While safety will always be a concern, my partner and I have developed rules that work for our lifestyle and values.  For example, we do not kiss or have any fluid contact with strangers or people we have just met.  This allows us the freedom to have spontaneous and often very hot, same room play with a new couple, but keeps the risk down, until we can have a conversation about safe sex, disclosure (if any) and a few likes and dislikes in a sober state of mind with new people.  Secondly, we always use condoms with other people, zero exceptions.   Simple rules, that keep us active and healthy within our community.  And again, living in Canada it is definitely easier to access certain resources, but that is not necessarily the case for those of you in the US.

I read constantly in forums about people not being able to talk to their family doctors about non-monogamy due to privacy or religious reasons, and therefore forgo regular testing.  Or the people who preach that herpes is a normal part of the lifestyle because most doctors don’t even test for it.  These are dangerous mindsets to have and I am super excited that there is now a simple and cost effective way for you to get the tests you want, and when you want them.  With STDcheck.com you can pick the appropriate tests online, or via the phone, then choose a test sight and have your results e-mailed securely within 1 – 2 days.  No longer do you have the hurdles that prevent you and your partners from accessing what I often take for granted.

Safe sex is important.  And the more you know about your status and those of your partners the stronger and safer the community grows as a whole.  We can all do our part to disclose, test and practice safe sex every single time.  While your rules may not be the same as mine, it is important to have a conversation with your partner and agree to something that makes you both comfortable.  This is a community, whether you are dipping a toe in for the first time or have been doing this for decades.  We want to work to eliminate the stigmas and keep each other safe.  So do your part, get tested, and disclose each and every time you interact with new partners.

So please, take a moment to check out their amazing service, and follow them on Twitter.  

Take control of your sexual health today!

The Amazing Journey Discovering Members of the Sex Positive Community

I have been using tag Sex Positive for quite sometime.  In my blogging and networking, it seems to be one of those phrases that unites people and conversation.  Those who use #SexPositive are more likely to interact on a level beyond just simply getting off, and that is where I am most comfortably niched.  People who just demand seeing my boobs or like to DM me for jackoff material never seem to last very long in my circle.  And it was after one too many of the latter mentioned that prompted me to change the conversation last week and create my first hashtag, #SexPositiveCommunity.

And here is what happened…

Magic!

An entire community of bloggers, authors, sex educators and those who are happy to live in a sex positive community liked, retweeted and gave props to all their favorite people in the community.  Within 2 days over 15’000 impressions were made.  While that may sound like small potatoes in the age of viral videos reaching a million hits time and time again, this was a seed that planted hope in many of our minds.  It gave a voice and a forum to incredibly well known personalities and reached all the way to  the smallest of us.  It showed love, support and encouragement.  And one of the coolest things was being introduced to a plethora of new creators.

Being Sex Positive is important.  It goes beyond porn and sex.  It means education of Safe Sex, of safety in the world of play, of allowing kinks and fetishes to have a place in the community and of course encourage gender equality.  Sex is a part of our history, present and future.  It is important that we understand and embrace it, rather than fear or control it.  It is a way of connecting with other human beings on a level much deeper and incredible than our day to day interactions.

So thank you so much to all the people who participated, and helped to lift another member of the community up!  You were heard, and you absolutely made a positive impact on someone’s day!

If you want to join the conversation or be part of the next wave of #SexPositiveCommunity building follow me on Twitter and take a look at some of the amazing contributors listed in this chain.