Being Sexual and Laughing It Off

Being Sexual

Recently, I rejected a guy on POF by stating that we were only looking for couples right now.  If you have heard me say this before, it is my standard rejection, and I state looking for couples right on my profile.  As sometimes happens, he got very upset with being told no, and responded with the length of his penis, followed by a picture of it.  True to form, I reported him, blocked him, and then went on to Twitter to vent my frustration and ask the age old question: Why do men still do this

While I received the usual support, I also received a shocking response.  While I am usually pretty level headed about the garbage I get being sex positive online this one got under my skin and rattled me.  A guy responded with “I can honestly not understand how you can be so humourless, yet pretend to be so sexual. And yes, block away”.  Wait a tick, my sexuality is being called into question because I was angry at receiving a non consent based nude image, also known as sexual harassment?   Did you know that in Texas, and possibly soon to come into law in NYC that sending an unsolicited dick picture on an online dating site is actually now illegal

This isn’t me just being a prude here.  This is such a rampant problem, that people are beyond sick and tired of it, and we are taking legal action by demanding laws to protect us.  I don’t think it’s funny to laugh about an unsolicited dick in my inbox.  This is harassment.  It’s not funny.  Unless the thought process is that men want us to start laughing at their penis’ I just do not follow the logic.  How many more posts, podcasts, blocks, and laws do we need to pass to make it clear that this is not funny.

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I recall my mom being exposed to on a c-train about 20 years ago.  The crazy thing about the whole situation is how many people were around her, and did nothing.  They pretended not to see it.  When the cops arrived, there was only one man who came forward as a witness out of nearly 10 people who should have seen something.  My mom pleaded with the woman who was sitting beside her to come forward, but she refused.  Should we as a society just laugh that off?  Should we just laugh it off when someone is rejected by a complete stranger and they lose their shit and send what may or may not be their fully erect penis?  Is complacency the target here? Or worse, making it a joke? 

And now let’s deal with the fact that this random guy on twitter, took the time to comment on my own sexual nature because I didn’t laugh.  I felt publicly shamed.  My sexuality was openly called into question.  How is that OK?  Why did this guy (twitter) who claims he has never sent a dick pic himself still rationalizing that I am somehow in the wrong for standing up for what I believe in.  I think sending a dick picture should be a criminal act just as exposing yourself in public to a stranger.  I do not think that this stance should be a reflection of my sexuality, or my sex positive stance.  That is an asinine correlation and positively disgusts me.  That`s as dumb as saying I asked for it, because I rejected the guy on the online dating site.  NO!  My sex positive nature will not be on trial here.  No, my sensual boasts hold firm.  I have a right to consent to what level of nudity I see in an online world.  That does NOT diminish my sensual nature.  In fact, I think it increases it, because I know what I want, need, and what turns me on!

Because I am sensual, sex positive, and love showing off, please consider supporting this post and checking out my behind the scenes pictures!

How VR Has Impacted My Sex Positive Life

From My First Glimpse of a Penis, to the Incorporation of VR

Breaking Away VR Style

“Can I f*&% you while I watch VR porn?”  Of course I said yes, and you may be thinking that I am the coolest chick ever, but hot damn it took me a long time to get to this place.  Looking back on my interactions with porn, I find I have this OK, ok, ok, then sudden, STOP!  Porn for me is right on the cusp of my emotional control, or lack there of in most situations.  Are you ready for story time, and how VR has impacted my sex positive life?

My very first experience with porn started innocently enough, I was simply looking for a picture of a penis.  I was 14, had just seen my first one on TV and I was super curious.  So I googled “penis”.  Now, you have to understand that this was 20 or so years ago, and Google was not so refined.  If you wanted to search a topic, you didn’t have the tab for image search.  You actually had to land on a webpage that had pictures and go from there.  After looking at a few, and realizing that there was a lot of diversity beyond the sideview I had seen in sex ed class, I needed to figure out a way to see one that stirred more than just a passing intrigue. As luck would have it, I found a site that promised to e-mail you one penis pictures every day.  This blew my mind, and would be my teenage dirty little secret for many years to come.  So I created an “untraceable” e-mail account through Hotmail, and signed myself up under a fake name.

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The next morning, true to the ads claims, I received my first erect penis.  Are you ready for the love hate part?  Well, this seemed exciting at first, because I felt rebellious, and a little dirty.  But the truth was, more often than not, I wouldn’t enjoy seeing the naked dicks.  In fact a few made me feel a little squicky.  So, rather than allow my morning to be ruined, I would stockpile the images for a few weeks at a time in hopes that I would have a better chance of finding one that I liked. The idea was, with a bunch on hand, I could have a little personal playtime.  I would bring my vibrating toy up to the computer room (20 years ago remember?) when no one was home and I would peruse these pictures. If I am honest, I got off as a result of the vibrations, and the fear of getting caught far more often then the dick pictures I was looking at.

And then something changed, I saw an image with two penis’.  I clicked on it, and it turns out that is was a signup for gay porn!  I was instantly intrigued and terrified.  I remember clicking, seeing waaaaaay too much graphic nudity for my young mind, and shutting everything down.  NOOOOOPE!  That was an eyeful.  I didn’t know what any of that meant, or was, or could even process what had just happened.  I was in catholic school, just learning about sex ed, and here I had just witnessed hardcore porn far before what I was prepared for. 

I closed that chapter of my life with a hard bang.  I didn’t use any visual stimulation to get off until I was in a committed relationship, which was 4 or so years later.  Imagine being so terrified that I actually avoided anything porn or nudity related for 4 years?  This was a pattern that would continue off and on with VHS, DVD’s, internet porn, and even my post about just going into sex stores. Watching porn, and getting off on it did not come naturally to me. Even now, I get off more by my own fantasies over that of what others have created either visually or with their words. But hot damn, when my partner says to me, bend over.  And then devilishly, asks me if I would be OK with him watching VR while f*&%ing me, I cannot help but grin and grab the lube. The best of all worlds come together in that moment, he lost in the visual and audio stimulation, and me, with eyes closed feeling the 4D of all my dirty little fantasies that I am finally starting to put onto paper. So far, VR is a welcome addition to my sex life…

Do you want to read my latest fantasy?  Check out my Patreon.

Flexing My Erotic and Fantasy Writing Muscles

Breaking Away After Dark

If you read my post about nudity in nature, you should be up to speed on how stressful and intense my life has been.  With that said, as I am coming back to balance in my life, and am better equipped to handle the day to day stresses, something sexy and surprising awoke in me.  And that was a little fiction erotic fantasy writing.  It’s a genre of work that I have never even allowed my brain to think about, or at least nothing beyond a paragraph or two.  I love non-fiction and it’s primarily what I read and write, but as it turns out, dabbling in the creative has been incredibly cathartic for me, and my libido too.

There is something so sexy and freeing about allowing your brain to fantasize about a new situation, and then actually putting that fantasy into the written word.  It takes on a whole new shape and form, and then screams out to me to just let go and experience it.  The first 2 pieces felt like they were already fully formed in my brain and desperately needed to get out.  While the third one, felt more like I was creating it on the spot, in the heat of an incredible moment while I was alone, typing in the woods. 

As I type this post, I feel drawn to typing more erotic shorts, and it’s like there is this intense creative and sexual tension in me, just bursting to get out.  I am not sure where this type of writing will lead me, but I am very excited to explore it.  I will leave you with a public excerpt of the first one I wrote, and put the rest under my Patreon for the time being.  Again, this is a brand new medium for me, and I hope you enjoy exploring it as much as I do.  I have no idea what frequency I will be typing them out, but if you’re interested in this type of writing and want to have something drafted up that is a little more personal to you, drop me a line, and we can talk about it further.

I hope you enjoy this little tease from Breaking Away After Dark…

Longing

Here we sit across from each other, in the sunshine of a busy patio.  Beers in hand, smiles, and a conversational flow that most people envy.  Our legs nearly touch under the table.  I can feel the warmth of that not quite innocent knee touch, and my face flushes at the thought.  We are so close, surrounded by strangers, who know nothing of our situation.  We laugh, chide each other on, sipping our beer just a little too fast.  And then, I make a move.  The first move since that incredibly drunken night of flirtatious delight.  I reach across and touch your arm as I go for my beer.  You don’t pull away. 

Instead you lock eyes, and smile that devilishly crooked smile.  I flush deeper this time.  Shocked at my brazenness, and relieved that you didn’t pull away. 

But now what comes next?  For you see, I know that you are married, and you know that I am in an open relationship.  We have discussed where we are, but not where we are going.  Are we to remain locked forever in this flirtatious tease?  I playfully touch, and you remain confident and steadfast.  You are certain I won’t cross any lines.  You trust me.  And I sigh. That deep longing sigh, that is almost audible to the patrons around us…. 

To read the rest of part i of my non-monogamous fantasy, please check out my Patreon.

Reader Feedback: Sex Positive, Breaking Away, Fantasies, and More

Reader Feedback Time: Sex Positive

Over the past few weeks, I have been branching out my writing, podcasting, and now I need a little bit of help.  Some of you have been reading since the very beginning of this blog, while some of you are very new, or just occasional readers.  So, no matter how you happen upon this little post, your feedback, and input are equally important.

Breaking Away From Monogamy

Firstly, this blog has and will remain about my random thoughts on everything to do with relationships, non-monogamy, and all subject matters that relate to sex positivity.  But further to that, I have developed a sex positive podcast, currently called BreakingAway.  In this, my aim to is talk about all subject matter related to being sex positive, sex education, and exploring other people’s relationships and why they are a part of this incredible sex positive community.  So, in the comments section, are there any topics that you would like me to explore?  What burning questions do you have that you would love to hear me talk about? 

Fantasy Writing

Second up, if you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed that I have begun to write a few erotic fantasies.  So, dear readers, where would the best fit be for me to post these?  A few suggestions would be a teaser called blog after dark, whereby I write the first part, and then the second for any Patreon fans who want to read more.  Or another suggestion would be for me to add an audio component to my Patreon and actually read a few of these for anyone who wants to read them.  I have a few reasons for not wanting this erotic writing to just be free on my blog, is the subject matter.  If my website gets flagged for erotica or porn, then I will have major hurdles to deal with when it comes to the branding of it.  There are so many new rules right now for the word porn, sex, etc. and really, I just don’t want to have to censor myself.  And making these posts public, would mean I have to.   So what are your thoughts?  How would you want to consume my non-monogamous fantasy shorts?  Please write in the comments.

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Non-Monogamous Relationship Coaching

Third, is my dating and relationship coaching website.  I have been toying with the idea of shutting this down altogether and bringing a few tabs over onto my main blog page breakingawayfrommonogamy.  While this would save me a bit of money, ultimately, the majority of you have asked me to keep it separate.  So, if you are looking for book reviews, recommendations, non-monogamous dating or relationships coaching I do have a separate website that you can reach me at breakingawayfromrelationshipnorms.com.  I have had so many people reach out to me over the years, that it would be a shame to shut down that resource side and that is not what I want to do.  I want to be available to help, answer questions, and basically remain a resource.  So if you are curious, please feel to reach out to me there, and we can discuss the next steps.

Sex Positive Books and Blogs

Fourth and final thought.  Earlier this summer, I announced my newest website which is sex positive books and blogs.  The hope was for this to be a resource centre for people to explore media related to being sex positive.  I have reached out to a few contributors to share their books, blogs, podcasts, etc and the response has been amazing so far. For my end, it has been a matter of finding the time to ensure that I am promoting and placing your amazing contributions in an easy to use place.  This is still a go, but it will take a bit more time before I make it active.  So thank you, and please stay tuned on the Twitter news feed for my next announcement.

Contact Me or Comment Below

So, that about summarizes my questions for you.  I would love for you to comment, and share your thoughts and ideas about where you want what, and how you best enjoy consuming your sex positive content!  If you do feel uncertain about posting publicly, you may also DM or e-mail me.  The only caveat if you don’t want to make it public, is that I would ask is you please like this post on whatever social media you see it on so I can get the most feedback possible and best plan for the fall.

Cheers!

Krys

Getting Back to Nudity and Nature

Nudity and Nature

For the past few years I have been running on empty, treading water so to speak (not that I actually knew what was happening or what was wrong at the time).  I found myself in a situation with too many changes at once.  I was forced to pick a new career, and that put everything I had and was into flux.  I was completely overwhelmed by uncertainty.  My default mode was to just stay positive.  Remain optimistic and hopeful that things would inevitably get better, because they had to.  If I just kept putting good things into the universe then at some point, the good would have to flow back to me.

Well, that dam finally broke and I was no longer able to hold it together.  As I watched everything around me crumble, I felt despair in the realization that hope was no longer going to feed me, or keep a roof over my head.  It was terrifying.  After what I believe was akin to a panic attack I reached out for professional help.  There was no way I could reset myself alone.  I was done.  What I had been doing for 3 and a half years was no longer working.  I needed guidance, and a new way to approach the seemingly insurmountable stress and help me find meaning in my new direction. 

At this point, I want to point out that I am not trying to give any medical or professional advice when it comes to mental health.  I knew I was in trouble, but the whole, you don’t know what you don’t know was rattling in my head.  And it took a highly trained professional to hone in on exactly what I was missing.  And that, was to give myself permission to recharge.  To take a break in my day, and do an activity that I loved, could bring me joy, and allow me to give myself a mental, physical, and emotional break.  For you see, I had been treading water for so long, that I got myself into a feedback loop whereby I could only get ahead if I gave it everything I had.  And if I failed, it was simply because I was not working hard enough.  But I wasn’t getting ahead, so I need to push harder, and not stop until I reached the goal.  In all that struggle, I lost myself.  I lost the joy in life, and I couldn’t relax.  Every single time I watched TV, guilt would strangle me.  That nagging voice telling me I should be writing, I should be networking, I should be taking photos, and podcasting and creating and on and on and on.  I was burnt out. 

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It took a professional for my stubborn self to let go, and accept that I needed this recharge.  And not only once.  I needed to work into my daily and weekly schedule a time to rest, relax, laugh, and just have some fun doing an activity outside of my normal routine.  Life will always have stress, and life will always have difficult times ahead.  It’s how we choose to react, and how we interpret the events that really matters.  Perspective is everything.  And if that perspective is based on facts, then guess what?  You’re laughing.  And I could only see that, once I had allowed my mind, body, and soul to stop running on empty.  To take a real break.  And to incorporate joy and rest into my day. 

So why then did I call this post nudity and nature you may ask?  Well, because for the past 2 weeks, I have been getting out into nature to write, and I am celebrating this momentous change in my perspective.  Or perhaps, more of a refresh, back towards something I used to do when life was just a little bit easier or at the very least with a clear path.  Once I got into nature, and found a beautiful secluded place, all I wanted to do was strip down and become one with it.  Cliché or not, I just felt incredibly joy in standing with my bare breasts in the sunshine, taking all the beauty in, and knowing for the next few hours this was my sanctuary.  To celebrate all the joy, to smile, and to sit down and write completely distraction and internet free.  If anyone wants to share in my joy, please check out my Patreon to see the full images of me at one with nature. 

Click on my Patreon for full image

And, if any of you resonated with this post please reach out.  There is no shame in it.  We need to ensure that we are working together to end the stigma around mental health.  And that starts with talking about it.  Normalizing the stresses we feel, and removing shame or guilt in not being able to do everything on your own.