It’s Calgary’s Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth Time Again!

Yes, that’s right, it is time for my annual post celebrating everything that I love about Stampede, from the sluts, to the men in tight jeans, and of course the ability to drink without shame at pretty much anytime of the day!  If you are like many of my readers who have yet to experience the Calgary Stampede, I can honestly tell you that it would be worth checking out at least once in your life.  From the rodeo, to the grandstand, rides, live music and parades, there is something for pretty much everyone.  And did I mention the booze?  Because, yes, there is a lot of it!

Now one of the first things you will notice is the daisy dukes and cowboy hats.  Next, you will probably notice that the entire city transforms into a western wonderland, ripe with window painting of horses, chuckwagons and everything that can wear a cowboy hat.  And if you want to sit down for a moment, why not try one of the hay bales found pretty much everywhere?  While you take a seat, enjoy the street performers and more enticing to me is the incredible people watching.  It’s basically one big party, where young and old celebrate this incredible 10 day festival.  I actually tear up the first time I see the rides each year, and smell that intoxicating scent of mini donuts!  Our community comes together, united by western pride, and it is freaking awesome.

Over the years I have written posts about stampede sluts, dress code, and one lamenting the first and only Stampede I have ever missed.  And while I never tire of the Stampede, I have watched so many of my fellow Calgarians poo-poo the Stampede.  They see the gross underbelly of our little festival.  The extreme expense, the same ole thing year after year, and the infuriating influx of tourists on our roadways.  I get it, it can be frustrating.  But, as the eternal optimist, I see the power that the stampede has.  And the incredible way that brings people together.  For nearly a decade every time I went to the grounds I would run into my first childhood friend.  It was never planned, and was equally exciting to both of us each and every time we saw each other.  And if you consider that the grounds can get upwards of 100’000 people per day, it truly is serendipitous that something like that could happen.

I love watching my city transform for those few days.  And I love the sense of pride in seeing my city rally together to celebrate this annual time of year.  And of course, I love the freedom to dress as slutty as I want so long as I have added some sort of western flair.  It’s an outdoor event!  And it’s great… and I love it!  So go, Woop it up!  And give a little Yee Haw to your fellow cowboy or cowgirl.  So, go hog wild, have some fun.  And please, if you hook up with someone new, please practice safe sex, because I don’t want to have to keep writing posts about infidelity and STI’s in the aftermath of Stampede!

I have added a little Stampede fun on my Patreon page!  There may be a cowboy hat… 😉

Social Media Versus Reality: Gender

I saw a tweet on Father’s Day, that basically asked you not to wish dad’s a happy father’s day if you are not sure of their preferred pronoun.  And well, this got me thinking…

Every time I take a social media break and get out into the real world I am stunned by the dichotomy of the two worlds.  And specifically I am talking about gender.  While I will not claim to be any sort of expert when it comes to all the gender diversity, I am certainly one who likes to have an open mind and always learn more.  I try to write with a less male/female vernacular, and I do attempt to employ the “softer” tones of they or them when it makes the words flow a little more naturally.  I do this, mostly because I want my writing to be relatable.  I want people to seamlessly put themselves in my shoes or gauge a new perspective free of the gender limits.  And while I cannot promise to always get it correct, I am happy to have a broader voice that appeals to more people.

With that in mind, I sometimes forget just how staggeringly different the real world is.  Social media is this idealized bubble of how society should be, mixed with trolls and outliers for a strange balance.  It works in a weird way.  I feel secure in my views and fairly happy that I am surrounded by so many sex positive and open minded individuals, even though I have no clue what many of them look like, (thanks social media).  We get along on a level that is interesting and often educational for me.  And that is in stark contrast to the realities of the offline world.

Take for example washrooms.  The online world makes it seem like genderless washrooms are becoming more and more common place and are an inclusive, amazing steps for businesses, schools and events to start incorporating.  And in the social media bubble, I am all for it.  No one should ever feel shamed for using the restroom.  But then, I get out into the real world and remember that going to the bathroom in front of people is absolutely awful!  I do not like peeing in front of women, so how in the hell could I comfortably do that with all genders in the same space?  Oh, wait… I do.  In many swing clubs, they have a bathroom where both men and women can go together to ensure that partners do not unnecessarily get separated from each other.  So, the reality is I have been doing this for years.  And yet, in the normal day to day setting, it feels uncomfortable and just plain wrong to do.  Especially in the workplace or in educational facilities. But a swing club is like a little invite only bubble, just as social media is.  Maybe in some future reality bodily functions won’t be such a big deal.  But today, in the here and now, I do not enjoy public washrooms!

So, let’s look at another example.  Using social media, I again try to use an inclusive voice.  I work hard to be mindful of my diverse network of people.  And in doing so, I try and catch myself when I call out men or women for bad behaviour.  I make many attempts to broaden my finger pointing and use words like people, or humans or really anything that removes gender.  But, the real world is a stark contrast from this online community.   I won’t lie, it’s so refreshing to sit down with a girlfriend and bitch about all the ways men and women are different.  To talk about gender in the workplace and just how lopsided even something as benign as dress code is.  For you see, the workplace is not an open and genderless environment.  Perhaps someday it will be, but right now, we are not even close to that.  It is polarized.  Men do this, wear this, talk like this, and women have their own rules for behaviour, dress and acceptable language they can use.

Gender exists all around us.  We see men who hold open doors, believe in being chivalrous, and always pay on a first date.  We see women getting dolled up, wearing high beautiful heels, and acting in a way that opens the door for me to take care of them.  If you go to a bar, you see men talking crash and crude, objectifying women.  And you see women gossiping and bitching for hours on end over a few bottles of wine.  Men work the physically challenging roles, and drink beer to unwind.  And the ladies, well, they are the nurses, the teachers and the caregivers.  Will this change?  Of course it will.  We are constantly evolving.  But when you talk on social media forums, it feels like men and women are being shamed for doing things that feel natural to their specific genders.  And we must remember that that is not healthy either.  It takes time to undo decades of gender roles and our socialization.  And truly, I don’t see a problem with maintaining a certain level of division, so long as there is a place to include those who want to break free of their moulds.

We are living in a polarized real world society, with the online community providing us an ideologized space.  There are going to be clashes as we figure this all out.  But if I can offer one peace of advice, just be open, understanding and inclusive wherever possible.  Don’t get too stressed out about calling people him/her/they/them.  Just be kind and respectful if you are ever corrected.  This is going to take time to figure out a system that works for as many people as possible.  We cannot expect language or gender norms like this to change overnight.

If you love my blog of if you just want to see more, please check out my Patreon page!

Predators in Direct and Private Messages

Yesterday I tweeted this:

So this is pretty f’d up. Everytime I post something emotional or show I’m vulnerable or struggling my DM’s explode with sliders. Men…stop fucking doing this! Your dick doesn’t look more appealing to me when I’m crying! And it’s not an invitation to get off on my sadness! by K_ghislaine

And I am astounded by the response I received from it.  In fact, I have to say that this has been my most influential post to date, far exceeding the occasional cleavage or sexy picture.  And that tells me that this topic requires more discussion.  Especially after I received a message from a guy who was genuinely shocked I posted this, and asked what men are even allowed to do or say in this #metoo charged environment.  He honestly felt that no interaction was safe anymore and was feeling stifled by the recent changes in response from women.

Ok, let’s talk about this.  9 or so years ago, I was seduced by a private message.  And it was so hot!  Within a few hours of the initial message, this guy was on my doorstep for what was to become a very regular and incredible booty call buddy.  He opened with a sexy tease, I responded in kind, and the flirtation ramped up exceedingly quickly.  He was the first guy who randomly messaged me and was in my bed that day.  Totally success case, and an inspiration to men everywhere right?  But here’s the thing, that’s not the whole story.  There were a few key things that occurred prior to this message that ensured its success for the both of us.

First, we were already friends.  Yup, that whole friendzone thing is bullshit in my opinion and maybe I will touch on that in a future post.  For now though, we had established a bit of a rapport and some trust.  To be clear, we had never flirted previously, we were truly, just friends.  Second thing that happened, I posted online that I was lonely and looking to have a little fun.  Yes, that’s right, I playfully put my intentions out there, I opened the door to have someone on my friends list message me, and take the bait.  I gave consent and permission to be flirted with using my words.  I used more than just a sexy picture (are you seeing a pattern forming yet?).  And thirdly, he was a emotionally stable and mature man, who was playful and listened to all my boundaries without any push-back or manipulation.  It was a fully consensual pairing that turned into something incredibly hot and satisfying.  And looking back, this was actually more like a 1 in 100 success rate for me, perhaps even closer to 1 in 1000.

With that story in mind, let’s get back to my tweet that started this post.  I have been struggling as of late with where I want my future career to take me.  And it sometimes feels good to just vent a little, especially on twitter because I really appreciate all the people that I interact with, and their perspectives.  I feel better just putting some words out into the universe.  It helps focus me, and well, it’s why I blog.  So on Sunday, I did just that, I wrote a little tweet stating that I was having a rough time, and I was hopeful that Monday would be better.  And publicly, there was a lot of love.  But privately, some men showed their disturbing colours.  And it sucked having my vulnerability preyed on like that.  And I do not want to mince words here, what those two men specifically did was predatory.  Offering me a kind ear, getting me smiling and then rapidly ramping up their sexual intentions without any warning or any previous DM history.  And I, like so many women who responded to my tweet were outraged.  Doing that, is NOT OK.

And guess what?  We as past victims, are onto you.  We are onto you all!  Being empathetic or sympathetic does not give you the right to proceed with your ulterior motives.  That is not consent on our parts, and we are tired of feeling weak for showing our emotional vulnerabilities and getting sexually propositioned as a result.  If I want sexual interaction I will ask for it.  And crying is not asking for it by any insane stretch of the imagination.

That being said, let me get back to the guys concern that he no longer knows how to treat women. To that, I say good.  Stop what you’ve always done in the past, and listen to the women you approach.  Watch their body language, listen to their words and ask for feedback.  Do better as a whole.  If you have always had positive “hell yes I want to sleep with you” or “OMG I love when you touch me” then guess what, what you’re doing is most likely amazing.  But, if you have ever felt a lukewarm reception to your advances, or heard the word no, or even just uncertainty, it’s time to stop and check yourself.  And as I am completely honest, I will fully admit that when I was younger, I never asked permission to touch men or women.  I lived by the assumption that every person I touched would be flattered that a decent looking female was touching them.  But you know what?  I grew up.  I realized that I preferred a fully consensual yes you absolutely can touch me, to the initial shocked and often uncomfortable looks I would get in my early 20’s.  It’s hotter for me not having uncertainty in interaction.  I can be so much more intimate and intense that way.  And guess what?  You can too!

In summary, the jig is up.  We see what you’re doing and do not like it.  The guys who are successful have a backstory that you don’t see.  Approaching a person who is vulnerable with your ulterior motives needs to stop.  And if you’ve ever become turned on by helping someone, or having a girl cry on your shoulder, keep it to yourself.  Show self control and DO NOT try and act on it.  It is not the time, nor the place.  Instead, build up a friendship.  Get to know a wide variety of people in and out of your comfort zone.  Listen, read a book or a blog and get interesting.  Only predators go after people who are weak and vulnerable.  It’s time to break that cycle!

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Shark Week and My Favorite Product

As I am placing my own order for Softcups (on Amazon.ca) I realized that I never actually shared with my dear readers the product that so amazingly improved my sex life during that dreaded time of the month.  And as I am not a selfish person and have often been accused of oversharing, I figured that this would not only keep in line with that, but also share the little secret to my ability to have sex, pretty much whenever I choose to.  So without further ado, let me introduce you to Soft Cups.  Firstly, I should mention that I love them to pieces and yes, if you click the link and add it to your shopping cart you will be helping both of us out which is a win/win.  And no, I am not being paid directly to sponsor them I just share products I love from time to time.

I started using soft cups about 3 years ago.  And I will be quite honest, I initially bought them because I was just damn tired of tampons.  There was a lot of hype going around regarding diva cups, and I wanted to learn more as I tend not to rush into new things especially when it involves entering my body.  Upon reading a bunch of new products in the market, I found something that totally intrigued me, Soft cups.  These stood out because they claimed that you could have sex while wearing them.  And well, how could I not race out to try them?

For you see, that has always been a great difficulty for me sexually.  I want complete control over my body, even during that time of the month.  And spontaneous sex is just not always possible during the messy time and that puts limits on my sex life.  Carrying around products like No More Wet Spots Blanket (which has a really sexy banner on my website) is practical and opposite to the whole spontaneity that I crave.  Rolling up to a party with super sexy, post sex hair and that healthy glow is incredible and I want that whether or not I am on shark week.  So I bought my first box and then let it sit on bathroom floor for 3 cycles while I mustered the courage to stick one in the first time (I told you I don’t race into these things).

And let me tell you, the very first time, was a total mindfuck for me.  I followed the instructions to a T and at hour 12 when it came time to switch it out (did I mention that you get to wear it for 12 hours??? So amazing) I won’t even lie, it got stuck.  Well, not stuck per se, but there is definitely a trick to breaking the seal on it.  It sits right below your cervix so the seal is amazing and offers very minimal leakage but as I said, there is a bit of learning curve with getting it out.  But my goodness once that curve is over come it is a game changer.  I do not feel it at all during the day.  I can have sex whenever I want, and being so active in the summers, it is a dream to use, especially when camping.  Only having to use a real washroom in the morning and evening is completely do able, whereas with tampons, it is an every time you pee ordeal.  And let’s not even mention pads during the hiking/camping season, ugh!

Whenever I have sex with new people, I always tell them I am wearing one, because there is still the chance of leakage, and there are few positions that my partner can feel it.  But over all, it has been a resounding success and a remarkable improvement to me holding more power over my own body and sexual needs.   So, I would highly recommend you giving them a try if you are ready for a change.

Now if only we could do something about this whole bra thing…

Silicon Lube and Mattresses Don’t Mix! A PSA

My partner and I have the most amazing set up in our bedroom ever!  Basically, we have a room for beds (post has a very sexy picture!).  But finding the perfect queen sized mattresses was a bit of a process, during which we discovered that while silicon lube is amazingly fun for the sexy times, it is also a nightmare to clean.  I have included quick links to all products mentioned both for clarity, and because they are amazing products that I am proud to be an affiliate for.  So without further ado here is my story, and what I hope will be a warning to all out there to not make the same mistake, and if you do, the only solution that worked!

Once upon a time, a man and a woman decided that for the sanity of their relationship, purchasing two queen sized beds was not only the sleep system they needed, but the one they both deserved.  And thus the hunt for the perfect mattresses began.  And after much deliberation and product testing, the two agreed upon a set that fit their budget and hopefully their ultimate ZZZ regiment.  The two quickly christened their new bed, and after the fun was over, haphazardly placed the silicon lube in between the two mattresses.  With the lube out of sight, and out of mind, the pair went on with their testing of the mattresses and sadly decided that their first purchase was just not to be.

With a vacation quickly approaching, the two asked for an extension to exchange their mattresses and this was generously granted (this is a key component of the treacherous tale).  So upon returning from their vacation, the hunt for the actual best mattresses began, nearly 2 months after their initial purchase.  They tested, and tried.  Snuggled on all sorts of beds for what seemed like weeks on end until finally they fell in love with their would be forever mattresses!  Rejoice! The two celebrated the up coming day of exchange.  But, uh oh!  Upon washing the sheets in preparation for the next week delivery a nasty stain was discovered on not one, but on all the mattresses and box springs!  The culprit… that sneaky bottle of silicon lube!  It had been put in upside down and the stain had set without either party noticing.

Panic quickly ensued as the two raced to good ole google to source out the best way to remove the nasty stain.  And if anyone out there has researched a similar query it turns out that time is of the essence.  After nearly 3 months of the stain sitting it had set.  It looked as if all hope was lost.  And for those of you wondering, yes, the exchange was dependent on a stain and tear free product.  There is no giving up allowed in the quest for the perfect night sleep!  The room was torn apart, and the mattresses and box springs placed stain side up, so I could begin the assessment and start preliminary testing of cleaning techniques.

Would soap and water be enough?  Nope.  How about some Oxy clean?  Nope.  My favorite secret cleaning tool of Club Soda was also a total bust.  Ok, this was getting a little freaky.  The research rabbit hole lead us from kitchen cleaning sites, to sex toy blogs, and nothing, nadda was powerful enough to fix our current situation.  Finally, there was a eureka moment… let’s turn to science.  What product out there actually breaks down silicon?  The answer was daunting, Mineral spirits, which is a fancy name for turpentine!  How in the hell was I going to clean the mattresses (which were black by the way) and not destroy them, or myself in the process?  Let me share with you my process.

Cleaning Silicon Lube from a Mattress (or 4)

1) Ventilate the room as this stuff in incredibly flammable.  I had the window open, and two fans going at all times.

2) Wear protection including a ventilator, eye protection and gloves.

3) Spot check a teeny tiny little spot and cross your fingers that none of the colour leaches out.  And check that the fabric does not start to breakdown or the fibres break apart.

4) Then grab a tooth brush, dunk it in the spirits and start breaking down that silicon with tiny little semi circular motions.

5) Rinse thoroughly with cold soapy water to prevent the chemicals from penetrating too deep into the mattress.

6) Repeat all steps until the stain is lifted.

Now here’s the thing, I repeated this same process twice daily for 4 full days.  And in the end, even with all the ventilation it still stunk to high hell of gas fumes.  So, I did what any person, desperate to get the full refund back does, I dosed it with Fabreze, followed by citrus soap, and Febreze again.  After nearly a day of just sitting there, soaking all the scent masking, I was finally satisfied enough to make the exchange.  And amazingly, it went off without a hitch!  And I was so relieved as they actually sent in an inspector for the task!  The stain in all four pieces was adequately lifted, and I had created a fresh and clean scent that hid all trace of the harsh chemicals used.  But let me tell you, for all the success at the end, it was hard freaking work, and a process I hope never to have to repeat.  So, do yourselves a favor, and don’t leave silicon lube to set.  Or better yet, be proactive and start using a water proof blanket designed specifically for messes in mind such as the Waterproof blankets for “intimate” play!.  I could have saved myself both the emotional stress and actual headache I received from this harrowing adventure by being preventive and not waiting until the last minute to clean the stain.