Porn, Just Porn

Ahh, good ole porn.  I have asked myself once, twice, maybe a thousand times why does he need to watch porn when I am right here in the flesh.  Honestly what woman has not?  If women watched as much porn as men, would men start to develop a complex too?  Recently a website on finding his porn, went up. (I am not linking directly to the site as I do not want to promote it in any way).  Why all the hate towards porn?  Why did I recently have a fight with my man regarding porn?  I like to think I am fairly open minded but it still gets to me from time to time. 
So what does porn really represent to a guy and is the viewing of pornography an actual threat to a healthy sexual relationship?  So I went to an expert and a doctor for a pretty sound list. What I really liked about this list is that almost everything on the list has been explained to me in some form or another from the men I have been with.  The most common reason is that men are visual and how can any additional stimulation be a bad thing? Oddly I have found that very rarely are these people in porn incredibly good looking.  Finding distrust in a genre where people really are just enjoying the physical and are no better looking than Joe Blow is sort of strange.  Of course most have attributes that we are envious of, the biggest penis, perfect tits, amazing ass, but normally it is only one of these features.  The faces are nothing special and really nothing to get all up in arms about.  They are just enjoying on screen a very natural act, sometimes in very unnatural ways, but still, it is hard to get to critical when it really just boils down to these very specific traits that these people posses.  And porn does not usually or ever come with a dating profile; it is simply a visual fantasy.
As for is porn a relationship threat?  I think unfortunately the answer is personal to each situation.  In normal circumstances porn is just part of what makes a guy happy.  They are either open or they hide the fact that they watch porn, but bottom line they are watching porn.  And I must admit that I watch porn from time to time as well so first hand I appreciate its fantasy benefits first hand and without criticism.  I am a little overwhelmed sometimes by the sheer volume of naked women getting pounded on the screen for the viewing pleasure of my boyfriend at times.  And sometimes I am just plain old upset and emotional over it.  But rationally and calmly there isn’t anything I can do or say to change it, so might as well make peace and try to find some way to make it enjoyable for me too.  For example I manned up after an hour of silence and told my partner that the porn he was watching did nothing for me, and he suggested I pick the video.  It was a whole new world, even though I did a terrible job finding porn the first time for us it can only get better from here.
But let us be perfectly honest, if your man or woman is finding comfort in porn over the comfort of your human flesh then perhaps it is time for an open conversation about where things are in your relationship.  But please don’t install this crazy spy software if you are unsure where you stand in your mans porn collection.  Be frank and honest, and share your feelings, it’s amazing what can result and where it can take you in the long run.  After all it’s only naked people on screen doing something that we love to do and getting paid for it!  Celebrate what it can offer to the bedroom and try not to get emotional at what it sometimes feels it represents.  Porn is just porn.

Just Get Laid!

This post is a bit of a follow up to my previous post.  I want to elaborate a bit about the meaning here. This previous post was really to illustrate how sex outside a relationship is mainly just sex.  That it can be just a physical attraction and nothing more if all parties are on the same page.  This time I want to get into a few more of the reasons why I feel sex really makes this world a better place.

Have you ever had boss who was just a total bag and thought, “they just need to get laid”?  Well consider the linked article here, which has now moved so suffice to say it is a standard 1 through 10 list that has been rehashed hundreds of times in different ways.  Points 1-9 are well documented throughout the medical world.  Endorphin’s are released during sex and strenuous physical activity which is a benefit to health and happiness.  Our spidey senses tingle when that person is in a crowded room, who needs that pick me up.  So we know what the lack of sex looks like, and the common consensus is that once that person gets laid that look of overworked, general bitchiness will dissipate.  So case one for sex being a good thing.

On a quick side note, please let me stress that point 10, has in no way shape or form been documented in an unbiased medical study.  I have searched and searched and there is absolutely no evidence for this claim (which I will await a reply with their citations and update with the reply).  What I have found is this article.  As well I have written before please read, “Sex at Dawn”. So lets get back to the point of this blog.

Have you ever heard this comment? “We only had sex 6 times in the last year”, or “We only have sex on special occasions”.  This sends shivers up my spine and not in a good or kinky way.  There is an almost dead look in the eyes of the speaker of these statements.  Upon hearing this the first time, I being in a monogamous relationship at the time and a bit of a prude, declared that yes indeed this is a legitimate reason to cheat.  There were a few shocked looks that I was endorsing cheating, but seriously I couldn’t comprehend going that long without sex.  Denying your partner sex is a major detriment to having a healthy relationship.  Please note that I recognize health factors that are beyond a persons control as the exception to this rule and I state this fact based on healthy, sexually able individuals only.  A friend put it very eloquently to me the other day, “its not that I can’t live with out it or anything like that but to me its the true moment it creates”.  Here here!

And finally the last point I would like to make on the subject of just get laid is the challenge.  This one hits home for me and I have to be a little careful of where this one takes me.  I am competitive, and being in an open relationship it allows for getting laid becoming a bit of a sport.  I have the comfort of knowing I have a loving bed to come home to, but this creates a bit a dichotomy in me.  I can now push myself to seduce people either out of my league or in a position that is appealing for a reason other than a partner.  The aspect of getting laid for more of a challenge is quite exhilarating being that I can really take my time and seduce.  And to be clear it is rare that the seduction does lead to full out sex, normally the challenge is enough for me.  As well with this I have a long list of rules that I will not break to ensure everyone’s safety, anonymity and emotional damage.  This can put the fun in sex for me and give a playful variety.

So the moral?  Just get laid, it makes me happy and I am sure I am not the only one 🙂

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