Stampede Cheating and Slut Shaming

Wow, here I thought I wouldn’t be writing about Stampede this year, and that scandal had passed us by.  Looks like I was wrong.  As I was listening to the radio, on my way to do some book I writing I heard the tale.  Today, there was a woman standing on a very busy street corner, with a cardboard signing that read “I cheated on my boyfriend at Stampede this is my punishment”.  The woman was dressed in oversized clothes, a hat is covering her eyes, and the sign blocks most of her.  Obviously, I have some thoughts. 

I try very hard not to make an knee jerk reaction until I can find out as many facts as I possibly can.  Was this a stunt for publicity?  Was this simply attention seeking behaviour for a little fame?  Was this, perhaps, just a dare or a bet?  The skeptic in me asks as I delve into the research.  And then, I realized, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is the public reaction to this woman, standing on the corner, obviously hiding as much of herself as possible.  Whatever the motivations behind, in that moment, she projects shame, and guilt.  The word cheated is underlined.  The busy street corner catches commuter on their way to work.  This is a statement that impacts an incredibly large amount of people.  And the comment section on Reddit did its very best to show pretty much every possible reaction to this incident. 

The rallying cries of foul are plenty.  Slut shaming at it’s finest.  The cynics call say it is all a rouse to get her out of the house to pack up her stuff, and change the locks.  And whatever the fallout is as a result, one thing is clear, this is that particular relationships price of admission.  You cheat, you are shamed and humiliated.  Agree with it or not, public airing of the dirtiest of laundry has occurred. 

In my true balanced nature I ask you to pretend that this was a male standing on the street corner instead of a female.  My gut reaction is that if it was a male, he would be in physical danger.  I truly believe that people would be throwing things at him, sneering, and the temptation to “nudge” him with their vehicle would be strong.  Whether the same risks existed for the female are not initially clear, I do believe that we have a stronger opinion to a female cheating in hindsight, and a stronger physical urge to act when it comes to a male.  If you find out a male has cheated, you want to slap them or kick them in the nuts.  You have a physical urge to even the playing field.  With women, it’s different.  We are cruel.  We use words like slut, and whore, and all sorts of vile sneers and snickers. 

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I wrote about the differences in our societal reactions between males and females cheating in this post, and while it did not make me popular with the female in question, I think it still holds water.   We have a clear gender bias when it comes to cheating.  Take for example the Stampede slut a few years back.  She was a woman who basically had to own the sexual act and capitalize on it rather than become swallowed up in the scorn and shame.  No one asks about the men in question, and there were two in the act, and one filming, so I guess 3 technically.  Did they lose their jobs?  Were they all single?  What level of societal shame did we place on them?  Oh, that’s right, they were opportunistic males.  So they got a pass.  She took fame by the horns, and they just slipped quietly into the night.  The same is true for the person this woman cheated with.  His picture is not on the cardboard sign, he is not standing with her in solidarity, he is nowhere to be found (if it is a he, which I assume, only because a female to female cheating scenario would have received a jovial hi five and entered into the spank bank).  

I think we all can agree that this relationship is doomed.  Tit for tat relationships are not sustainable.  Public shaming is something we do not as a society accept.  We believe we have evolved beyond the Roman games at the coliseum.  Slut shaming is not something we should be proud to do in a public forum.  And make no mistake, that is exactly what this boyfriend is doing to his girlfriend.  He has brought her shame out into the limelight, and that is deplorable.  There is no balance in that behaviour, and the relationship will not survive. 

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Halloween: All Year Round

As Halloween approaches, so does the sexism narrative.  Our sexy little sirens come out to play, and the costumes get tighter and skimpier year by year.  As you may well know based on previous posts I approve wholeheartedly with this trend.  Why?  Freedom of expression.  If a lady wants to feel sexy, then she gets to.  If a woman wants to show off her goods, then fantastic.  If anyone needs a holiday in order to dress up, to show a side that they keep hidden most of the year, then this is the perfect time to do so.

I have taken things a few steps further; “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach”, Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.  Swap out Christmas for Halloween and boom, there you have my mindset.  I have taken off the masks that Halloween has afforded me, and thrive to live the same way all year round.  If I want to dress up, I do so.  If I want to play the siren for a night, I do.  If I want to show off my body, I do it.  This holiday, truly has become my favorite, as it allowed me to explore a different side of my sexuality safely, and I proudly have expanded this to all the days of the year.

I have taken the lessons that Halloween and dressing up have afforded me, and I have incorporated them into my daily life.  I am freer, because of this holiday. I am less afraid of nudity or even of my own body because I was able to dress up.  To try on different masks and personalities, and with a little liquid courage now and again, I live the person that I want to be, right now.  I am present.

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Now boys, if you want to start joining in the trend of tighter fitting clothes or showing off some muscles during the Halloween season too, then yay.  I am all for equality of the sexes.  Let’s make this a season of sexiness, confidence, and taking a moment to step outside of your shell.  Confidence in numbers, and all that jazz.  Let’s make a movement to live with sexual confidence and positive vibes with or without a costume.  No slut shaming, or judgement.  Just freedom of expression, thought and voice.  And of course tricks and treats whenever the need or want should arise.

If you want a sneak peak to this years sexy costume, check out my gallery!

Slutty Girls of Stampede AKA The Stampede Slut

 

Last stampede, the big headline was the alley way threesome, which involved a leaked video of 2 men, tag teaming a woman.  She became the Stampede Slut and took my top 3 Google search place of the same name.  I followed this story with much curiosity from Italy, as I was on vacation and missing my very first Stampede in 30 some years.  Now here is the thing, this woman earned her title, and deserved displacing my ranking.  I write about being a slut with pride, and this woman took it to a whole new level.  A quick search will tell you all you need to know about these events, and you can probably still find the now infamous video.  The take away from this, is that the woman owned what she did.  Getting fired and having her booty all over the internet was probably not planned, but instead of hiding, suing everyone in sight, and or curling up into a little ball in her basement, this woman took a much tougher path.  She owned it.  She admitted it was her, and even started capitalizing on the incident by making appearances at various strip clubs over the following months.

So here’s what I take away from this.  This woman owned the title slut.  And she made slut a word of power.  That is an incredibly hard feat to do.  I commend her for managing this, despite all the criticism, cruelty and backlash that she received.  With head held high, she embodied the word slut.  She did what very few women would dream of doing.  Whether you agree or not with her public show (which I would argue was sort of secluded in an alley), she pushed a boundary.  Again, she took control, she kept her power, and she was not a victim.

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Please don’t be thinking that my sex tape is going to be next, based on this post.  I will not be writing erotica to go along side my pictures, as it is just not my style.  The reality is, her event during last Stampede, could have harmed my work and my freedom.  If this woman had cried victim and started slut shaming, my follow up post would have been one screaming at her for setting women back yet again.  Thankfully, I get to reap some rewards.  She became the outlier.  She blasted through a societal norm and it allowed me just a little more play in my writing exploration.  She reset the shock value calculator, so I gain more freedom of speech. 

So thank you, stampede slut, for helping push the societal norm just a little farther.  I hope now for a little less uptight crowd, and maybe just a little less tisking from elderly women when I strut around in my pretty pink chaps!  Well everywhere but on the grounds, because apparently, they are cracking down on dress code that is not family friendly… for shame!  I embrace being searched as a positive female character, who is trying to embrace the word slut with dignity.  It is not a title I think fits my lifestyle, but it is one that I feel women need to use without shame if they so choose.  May the walk of shame be forever in your past, and your walk of sexual freedom be in your future.  Happy Stampede ladies!

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One Less Stampede Cowgirl This Year

Stampede Slut

I have been to stampede nearly every year of my life.  I cannot guarantee I was there as infant as I couldn’t be asked to remember such things, but as far as my working memory goes, my record is perfect.  I have attended as a little tike, enjoying the parade and all the aspects children can see right on up to adulthood.  Whereby I took my experience to a more adult level, including bars, pub crawls, and every aspect of debauchery that are expected as a seasoned Calgarian.   I have written posts about our Stampede centennial and in celebration of the Stampede slut.  However this year, I am writing from afar. 

I am missing my first Stampede to go on an international trip with my sweetheart.  And I wasn’t bothered by this until today.  I am really going to miss having a beer by 8 am with friends.  To the numerous stampede breakfasts, the midway, and general celebrations this city engages in.  Mostly though, I am going to miss the dress code!  I love dressing up in my best stampede wear.  I love the short shorts, the denim, the chaps, and the men in cowboy hats.  I love the tight jeans, the belt buckles and the general abundance of plaid.  Only for these 10 days can people from far and wide do plaid sexy.  And I love it!

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For years I have said just how lucky Calgary is to be able to dress slutty twice a year.  Halloween and again during Stampede.  Sex is in the air and it is invigorating.  As someone who promotes sexually positive attitudes I am missing my Mecca.  The holy land of tight, and a little bit trashy, filled with a boozy hue in the air it is for me, true freedom.  I can make choices to drink, party, and flirt my little butt off.  Or to just dress the part and put myself on a little personal parade.  The choice is there, and unless there are some ladies who are giving a disgruntled tsk tsk, the environment is generally accepting. 

I face a lot controversy on a regular basis with my online dating profiles, and a bit in my personal life as a result of writing this blog.  Some days it can really be a struggle to keep my head held high.  But during these 10 days, I feel confident.  There is comraderey in the fact that so many are engaging in their own deviant behavior during these 10 days.  I get to hear stories from so many  about their previous Stampede adventures in all their scandalous glory.  Why?  Because we give each other a pass for these 10 days.  It is not just me, sharing my crazy life, but getting to hear from friends who allowed themselves to be crazy.  To get in touch with their inner slutty selves.  And more importantly to be a little proud of making their own memories. 

Stampede, I am missing you.  

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Halloween Sluts Are Good… In Adult Form

 

Our society is repressed when it comes to sex, and because of that repression we become confused as to what is actually appropriate or not.  I fully endorse slutting it up for Halloween.  I think adults going out and playing, flirting and basically shedding inhibitions is important for a multitude of reasons including the very simple that it just feels great.  As I have written before, I am also fortunate to live in a city with a secondary event where sexual repression is shed and that is during our Calgary Stampede.   These are great events where the inner slut can come to play in a more public forum, shedding inhibitions with little to no judgement.  However, we have made a small mistake in our quest for fun, and that is in not keeping the sluttiness for adults alone.

 

Sex is for adults, sexual behavior is for adults, sluts are for adults.  Short skirts, knee high socks and mocked cleavage are not appropriate for our children.  I have heard a couple of times Dan Savage tearing strips out of parents who are trying to be GGG (good, giving and game) when it comes to raising children.  And guess what?  This is not appropriate behavior.  Dressing your children up to show excess skin, or to display sex appeal is not the way to show your sexual openness.  It is outright crazy.  Adult behavior and actions are for adults and not for our children.  I cannot see any well rounded parent handing their 8 year old a joint and saying here, just a taste.  And yet when I go to costume shops I see an endless array of slutty, tight fitting costumes for girls ages 8 and up.  The manufacturers produce these because there is a demand, and I am perplexed as to why there could possibly be any demand at all.

 

I would love to blame the media for having sexy toys, and young teens wearing make up on TV, but let us be realistic, even though there may well be greater access to a sexualized market the young teenagers are not spending their own money in obtaining these items.  My mom paid for my costume and that meant that she had a say in what I dressed up as, and let me tell you, she was focused on me being warm and not on encouraging me to slut it up.  Parents need to stop being such pussies when it comes to their kids, to put their foot down and not allow their children to wear costumes that are intended for adults.  I recall being really impressed by costumes that were handmade, or looked unique.  I would never have been impressed if one of my friends was wearing high heels and a short skirt thereby slowing us down in the quest for candy.  Plus you are going door to door, the very first social networking game.  Just as you mentally remember the good and bad candy houses for next year, the candy givers also remember the costumes and creativity, those got the extra handful.  If your costume makes that person uncomfortable the amount of candy you are going to receive is decreased. 

Bottom line is that children do not need to dress slutty for Halloween.  Leave the sluts for adults, and allow the little trick or treaters to enjoy their childhoods free of the stresses that sex brings.  Although this has become an adult holiday for many of us, keep in mind that it is the season of candy for our next generation.  We need to respect that, and not encourage inappropriate lines to be crossed when it comes to their costumes.  

 

And if you want to see this years Halloween costume check out my gallery!