Open Minded Sex Positive Blogging Is Not Code or An Invitation

I am amazed at the presumption of men in general when they discover that I blog or am looking to date couples with my partner.  Almost unanimously I get a sexually heated message.  Asking me directly what my kinks are, wondering if I want a threesome with him and his FWB, or the guy sharing something sexually charged about himself that he’s never told anyone else before.  I after all opened the door by just mentioning the word sex right?  Wrong!  I will shout from the rooftop that I am sex positive, open minded and confident.  But men, you really need to take a step back and realize that flirty goes much farther than just full on graphic language with an internet stranger who is NOT paid to play.

My blogging journey has taken me on a sex positive adventure and I have shared a lot over the years.  My blog in part is about educating myself on sexual issues that affect our society and embracing all the kinks and non monogamous wants and needs that I can find.  It is a vast subject that after years of blogging I still find myself in a world of exciting exploration.  Meeting new people, sharing ideas, and above all, constantly re-educating myself and challenging my preconceived notions.  And I don’t mind challenging a few of you out there as well.  However, and here is the big butt, it is not an invitation to discuss my sex life with strangers.

Online dating men, seem to jump the gun when they find my blog, in that they believe being sex positive implies that I want to discuss sex right away or hop into the sack with them.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If mentioning my blog seems like an invitation to sleep with me, then as a society we need to give the big head a shake (not the little one).  I know it may seem exciting that you have just chatted with someone who is not afraid of sex, or her opinions on the subject.  And you may get a little impulsive and carried away with the fantasy world that this potential meeting could open up, but take a breath.  You don’t know me.  You saw the word sex almost assuredly out of context and jumped the gun.

I had a guy who after I found out that I wrote a blog, opened with “would you ever have a threesome with a woman you never met”?  No segue, nothing, just boom!   So I replied with, “would you ever bang a bunch of men you had never met?”  His reply was so telling, he said “that they would have to have a drink first and get to know each other.”   I guess that’s the take away from this, as soon as I mention my blog, I am a sex object to strangers.  The conversation immediately leads into territory that society deems inappropriate on a first date, yet perfectly fine for the newly found sex positive stranger?  The disconnect between being on the internet and ever meeting in person is huge and it doesn’t need to be.  There remains a gap between what we are willing to write, and what we will muster up the courage to say in person.  But take a moment, approach me with respect and humanity as you should with everyone you encounter online.  The word sex should not negate my humanity nor should it be an invitation to get crude.

Wanna see the riske photo that didn’t make the cut?  Check out my Patreon… because that’s what it’s here for!

 
 

Vanilla Reality Check

Ok self, we need to clear up a few things.  Every so often I catch you thinking about yourself as this passionate yet vanilla type person who aims to please those around you.  It is time to stop it, wake up and embrace who you have become on a more regular basis.  Don’t get me wrong, I know how far you have come.  I know who you were, what you have been through and milestones you have already crossed over like a champ.  But you are not owning who you are on a day to day basis.
I know that you thought to yourself, if I get more power and confidence in my work place that will bring my life together in a beautiful symphony, rich with harmony that you desire.  And well, time is up.  You have attained what you needed at work.  You have your validation.  Your last hurdle you set for yourself in the way of self improvement has been made.  Now it is time to leave the excuses outside.  To embrace life, to enjoy who you are, with your amazing partner.
The time to revert back to that vanilla mentality is over.  You are far from that monogamous wallflower that you were in your youth.  You have thoroughly enjoyed threesomes, experimented with a few foursomes and even explored swinger club or two.  These are not just notches on your belt.  This is who you are.  The explorer.  The pusher of boundaries, that only child who hates the word no, and wants to explore that world full of yes with the confidence that has been earned through hard work and self exploration.

Vanilla is not bad.  It just isn’t who you are.  Maybe it never was, and you were living in fear.  But you are not anymore.  2016 has come with countless challenges and there are more on their way.  You have come this far, and you are not giving up.  You are living.  You are present.  And you are breaking those societal norms one item at a time.  Because that is who you are.  It is who you enjoy being.  And baby, you deserve it.

Drinking and Foursomes

Sometimes I honestly believe that I am intelligent and have the capacity to learn and grow from my past mistakes.  And then a few weekends ago happened.  My first threesome I was blackout drunk and swore I would never get drunk and sex it up again, which you can read about here.  It was also my first time with a woman, so go figure that I can barely remember the experience.  My second threesome was amazing, and I was sober.  There were many factors that made it fantastic, but being sober definitely heightened all my sensations and just brought the experience to an amazing level.  But more importantly, I have strong, and vivid memories from that night.  So that threesome has

really lived on for me.


Comparing the two, sober me has much better sex with multiple partners than drunk me.  Now lets fast forward to newest weekend in question.  There are four of us who have begun to date.  After a bit of a rocky week, we all decided to slow things down and just have a night of dinner and dancing.  Perfect!  CAKE as I will refer to our little foursome henceforth (but more on that on a later post), were all equally excited to just enjoy each other’s company.

Knowing that we were just dancing and having fun, the shots came out.  Now I will say that the first shot was a result of trying to kick the night up a notch because two of our group had a curfew, the fact still remains that one simply cannot stop at one shot.  And we didn’t.  So here the four of us were, dancing, drinking and doing the occasional shot right up until the moment we realized that time was up.

Intelligent me, should have said, what an amazing night.  Said how excited I was that we really broke the ice and got in a cab to my house.  However drunk me did the complete opposite.  Oh yes, let’s have a nightcap at the other couples house and continue the party.  So CAKE all got in a cab and continued to party.

Now we have a situation where there is booze, four good looking people, and comfy couches and beds.  It is not a difficult stretch at this point to see what would happen when E took off my bra in front of the four of us. 


This post should have been about just how hot the night was.  It should have been about how amazing having a foursome really is, and how all the hard work leading up to it pays off.  And yet, here I am just missing parts of the night.  Things are fuzzy, and a little blurry at times.  I remember thinking that male or female a tongue is a tongue.  So that’s a cool thing.  But I am left wondering if that sentiment will be true sober.  I know a little booze would have been a nice touch for the foursome cherry to be popped.  But seriously drunk self!  Stop having multiple partners while drunk!!! The hangover and uncertainty in the morning are more than enough reason to never, NEVER do that again.  Sigh…

Stampede’s Over; I Can’t Wait to See What Sex Negativity the Media Has Planned for the Next Stampede

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So, three years ago the media circus took a long hard look at how STI’s and STD’s rose dramatically during stampede week and cited numerous clinics and how overworked they became the week during and after Stampede.  And I understood the PSA they were performing.  Last year, the focus was shifted ever so slightly to the influx of cheating spouses during this 10 day event.  Including outing a few hotels in the downtown core, for providing locked boxes for guest to check in their wedding rings.  No explanation needed there, I hope.  Now this year, the headlines are focusing on the increasing Stampede divorce rate?  Come on…
I know the quest for the simplest and catchiest tagline is the only way to sell articles (See how I am fighting this by having the longest blog title to date?), but why all the sex negativity surrounding Stampede?  I mean this is no longer about helping the public.  This is a vigilant quest on the media’s part to ensure the public is aware that Stampede kills relationships and is bad for your sexual health.  Stampede encourages sexual infidelity and is a hazard to monogamy.  The million dollar rodeo that is put on every year in this great city of ours is secretly trying to time warp us back to the Colosseum of ancient Roman times, more specifically the party after the great fights.  We are soon going to have massive orgies in the street if we do not head their carefully targeted warnings.  Especially now that the city was kind enough to let us start drinking in bars at 7 am to better facilitate the liquid courage needed to get out there and screw around with every good looking cowboy and cowgirl.

Well, let me set the record straight here.  I have, had Stampede threesomes, done the walk of shame and flirted my little tushie off many a time.  I have also done all the above outside of Stampede.  The media chooses to focus on sex negativity each year because we make it an event.  We allow the media to sensationalize sex.  We allow the media to take the focus of off our rodeo and exhibition, and all the musical acts that join us from all over the world and shift to a tabloid sales pitch.  I should rephrase, we do not allow the

media, we encourage them.  We are becoming a society that lights up at a scintillating, or scandalous headline, and the Stampede has turned into a marketing ploy.  Whether the editors agree or disagree is beside the point, or even if they research and have factual information based on something more substantial than a survey of 10 random people, the result is the same, sex sells.  Stampede sex sells, and as I learned last week, Stampede sluts sell too!  So until next year Calgary, I know you will join me in welcoming the latest headline that appears with sex negativity in the forefront.  I am kind of hoping for some sort of spin on gay cowboys…or cowgirls.

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Porn Makes it All Look So Easy (NSFW)

Pick your hottest scene in a porn flick, I am going to go with Cuckold/Hot wife porn for the sake of argument.  If you do not know what that is, please by all means add it to your list of viewing this evening, but I will briefly describe the scene I have in mind, hypothetically of course.  So the scene opens with a woman getting pounded by a very large cock.  Oh no, in walks her husband who is humiliated by the violation he is witnessing.  The large cocked guy continues to pound said woman in front of the husband who by this point is watching on the sidelines.  The woman yells at her husband that this is what a huge cock looks like, and that he is small by comparison.   Large cocked man cums inside the woman, and the husband is told to enjoy the sloppy seconds.  By the end everybody cums, and everyone’s fantasy comes true.
Why did I just write something so graphic here?  For the simple fact that there is so much that goes on behind the scene’s to make something like this actually work outside of a porn set.  For starters, every participant is a real human being with wants and needs.  How does one go about getting every participant on board?  Where does the first cock go after he cums?  Does he just go home, feeling rejected and used?  And how exactly do all parties get to the room?  Do you have a round of drinks first, work out all the details, and hope for the best?  I pay a lot of attention to detail, and it is important to me that everyone’s needs are taken care of.  Porn gives you a sneak peak into the fantasy, but it is exhausting trying to actually accomplish all required details so no one is left wanting or without a role.
It is wonderful to say, yes I want a threesome, but the actual mechanics of it, especially if you want to do it right and hope for more in the future, can be daunting.  I learned a very important lesson with my first ffm.  And that was quite simply that being drunk and having sex with two people is absolutely not my cup of tea.  I was left with horrible feelings, and insecurities for weeks afterwards, and the two people were good friends of mine.  But for me, booze took over my rational thought, and it was just a very messy situation.  It took a long time to rebuild those friendships that were really put onto rocky ground, and with the first hand learning I now take a lot of care and caution firstly towards my own feelings and those who are participating with me.  The people I know who have threesomes or moresome’s on a yearly basis or more always show respect for all parties involved.  Everyone gets a say, and the intent is to meet as many needs as possible.  Even if that means putting aside an O or two during, but taking the time to fulfill afterwards.  It is all about communication after all and always ensuring that people feel like they matter.
In the end, it can be hard work and an orchestrating nightmare, but the rewards are what drive us forward.  Force us to take risks, plow forward and fulfill our fantasies.  Porn makes it look really easy, and although it is not, those memories last a lifetime.