Shark Week and My Favorite Product

As I am placing my own order for Softcups (on Amazon.ca) I realized that I never actually shared with my dear readers the product that so amazingly improved my sex life during that dreaded time of the month.  And as I am not a selfish person and have often been accused of oversharing, I figured that this would not only keep in line with that, but also share the little secret to my ability to have sex, pretty much whenever I choose to.  So without further ado, let me introduce you to Soft Cups.  Firstly, I should mention that I love them to pieces and yes, if you click the link and add it to your shopping cart you will be helping both of us out which is a win/win.  And no, I am not being paid directly to sponsor them I just share products I love from time to time.

I started using soft cups about 3 years ago.  And I will be quite honest, I initially bought them because I was just damn tired of tampons.  There was a lot of hype going around regarding diva cups, and I wanted to learn more as I tend not to rush into new things especially when it involves entering my body.  Upon reading a bunch of new products in the market, I found something that totally intrigued me, Soft cups.  These stood out because they claimed that you could have sex while wearing them.  And well, how could I not race out to try them?

For you see, that has always been a great difficulty for me sexually.  I want complete control over my body, even during that time of the month.  And spontaneous sex is just not always possible during the messy time and that puts limits on my sex life.  Carrying around products like No More Wet Spots Blanket (which has a really sexy banner on my website) is practical and opposite to the whole spontaneity that I crave.  Rolling up to a party with super sexy, post sex hair and that healthy glow is incredible and I want that whether or not I am on shark week.  So I bought my first box and then let it sit on bathroom floor for 3 cycles while I mustered the courage to stick one in the first time (I told you I don’t race into these things).

And let me tell you, the very first time, was a total mindfuck for me.  I followed the instructions to a T and at hour 12 when it came time to switch it out (did I mention that you get to wear it for 12 hours??? So amazing) I won’t even lie, it got stuck.  Well, not stuck per se, but there is definitely a trick to breaking the seal on it.  It sits right below your cervix so the seal is amazing and offers very minimal leakage but as I said, there is a bit of learning curve with getting it out.  But my goodness once that curve is over come it is a game changer.  I do not feel it at all during the day.  I can have sex whenever I want, and being so active in the summers, it is a dream to use, especially when camping.  Only having to use a real washroom in the morning and evening is completely do able, whereas with tampons, it is an every time you pee ordeal.  And let’s not even mention pads during the hiking/camping season, ugh!

Whenever I have sex with new people, I always tell them I am wearing one, because there is still the chance of leakage, and there are few positions that my partner can feel it.  But over all, it has been a resounding success and a remarkable improvement to me holding more power over my own body and sexual needs.   So, I would highly recommend you giving them a try if you are ready for a change.

Now if only we could do something about this whole bra thing…

Sex Censorship: The Modern Book Burning and The War on Women

Make no mistake, the internet is experiencing a very scary purging of sex content in the form of sexual censorship.  With the closure of Backpage, and Craigslist personals (US only, Canada still seems to be available) sex workers are being put at risk.  And by risk, I mean pushing them out of the safety of the internet and directly onto the streets.  This is terrifying.  And this doesn’t just stop at sex workers.  For example, YouTube is now removing entire channels dedicated to sex education and the cloud has been deleting entire profiles, videos and images specifically targeting escorts and sex workers.  We are moving into the dark ages where we are again running and hiding from the word sex.  We are reaching a critical climax with the technological information purge, or what I feel is the modern book burning.  And if you are thinking you are not affected, please don’t stop reading as there is more!

With SESTA-FOSTA in effect, third party websites are now liable for the content that is written, shared and promoted on them.  While the guise of child endangerment and trafficking pushed it forward, the real victims are sex workers.  They cannot use platforms like Twitter, Instagram, Switter etc to promote and screen their businesses and clients, putting them at extreme risk of extortion, their very physical safety, and their means of income as sights like Paypal are liable under this new law as well.  Which ultimately will push these workers back onto the streets or worse.  And yes, pushing out sex workers has a negative effect on all of us.  It’s called the oldest profession for a reason.  History has shown us time and time again that humans will find a way to have their sexual needs and desires met, one way or the other.  To fight this, is futile and recently we were reminded just how dangerous it is which I will touch on shortly.  And with the legal threat of third party liability, sex workers will move to the next safe place to advertise, and that will most likely be on dating apps.  That’s right, dating apps like OK Cupid, and Tinder will be the next targets.  So, do you still think this doesn’t affect you?

This censorship is so far reaching that even taking pictures of sex toys may/will result in discretionary removal, blocking and/or just banned.  And as of today, Twitter will start to remove all nudity that elicits arousal.  Are you freaking kidding me?  This is censorship at its worst because it is subjective.  Is there some big review board somewhere that will review nudity to see if it gets someone hard or wet?  Internet freedom is not under attack, it is no longer a thing.  Again, if you think this doesn’t affect you, you’re just not listening.  If you cannot even take a picture of a sex toy, where does that line end?  Can you not take a picture of condom to promote and educate safe sex?  And honestly, there is no end in sight, and no clear picture of who makes these determinations.

So what’s next?  Where is the internet headed?  Where are we as a society going to end up if we cannot embrace healthy sexual discussion and acceptance.  Oh that’s where it’s headed, straight into fear and outright hatred of sex and women.  Are you ready to read about the real world ramifications of the breakdown of sex positive speech, availability, education and just general knowledge?  Well, ready or not, Toronto women were just attacked by a 25 year old man, on the street, by a van of all things.  And why? Because he was part of a group called the Incel Rebellion, which is short for “involuntary celibate”.  This is a group of violent men, who have slurped up the Kool-aid that women are the enemy.  That we should not have autonomy over our sexual rights and body, and that men have every right to get laid, by whatever means necessary, including rape.  Yes, you read that right.  I will be honest, I have a lot of difficulty researching this group of men, and my stomach turns just thinking that these predators are a part of our society.  It’s bone chilling and I cannot go into more detail without tearing up.  So research this subject with caution.

How can women be feared this much?  Why are we losing our autonomy at such an alarming rate?  How as a society can we attack sex workers, and allow organizations that promote bodily harm to women to continue?  Where is the poison that started this all?  And how the fuck do we fix this?  I want to say that with education and compassion the next generation will be better than us.  But, I don’t think we can, as an equal society wait that long.  Women are dying.  Sex workers, have reached the point of desperation and are taking their own lives.  Men, believing they have “rights” to us as objects has resulted in death, all over North America, and honestly I couldn’t research beyond that.

This has to STOP!  And it has to stop now.   The war on women must end.  And the book burning of sexual content, information and education has to be eliminated.  And RIGHT NOW!  This is a human crisis.  It’s not men versus women.  It’s a poison that is infiltrating our very ethics and morality, and we need to find the antidote.  Being shocked, silent or dismissive is over.  For my part, I will continue to post nudity on my blog and on my Patreon page, and proudly!  I will continue to blog about sex, relationships, sexuality and non-monogamy.  I will continue to support sex workers and my community of sex positive individuals.  I will not be silent.  And neither should you!  As I tweeted today “Things are not looking good right now for freedom of expression, from the female perspective.  We need to do better.  I hate being right about it getting worse before it gets better… how much more can society fear sex and women?”  Join the conversation on social media.  Talk to your friends and loved ones.  We cannot silently watch women die as our freedoms are ripped from us!

No Means No

I wrote a post in 2012 called, Saying No Can Be Difficult as a Woman, and to date it is in my top 5 list for most popular post.  I received quite a few messages from woman, identifying with my thought process and sharing stories of their own.  It was both encouraging to have dialogue and incredibly depressing that so many have felt this social constraint when it comes to saying no.  We as a gender feel conflicted in many cases, feeling that it is rude or aggressive or just plain not feminine to say no.  As I mentioned woman are socialized to please, to be peacekeepers and to find passive ways to solve issues rather than use the simplicity of no.  And to have it heard, understood and instantly accepted.

As a result, we do not use no effectively.  As controversial as this will sound, when men hear woman say no, often they think we are playing, being coy, or that we just don’t truly mean it.  Why? Because we do not use the word with conviction.  We are not used to saying no flat out, so when we do, it is with apprehension, nervousness, or even a touch of ambiguity.  Woman do not practice saying no in the same manor that men do.  Our body language does not always match the words coming out of our mouths.  We do not say no with confidence, we say it with the subtle or emotional mannerisms and  language that we use in our normal social interactions.

I need to be very clear here.  Just because woman are not socialized to use no, or use it without assertion does not mean that men should ever ignore us when we use it.  And there are massive campaigns out there right now, emphasizing that No Means No.  And this is necessary and correct and positive!  Each individual should know without a doubt the meaning of No and Stop.

However, woman, we need to do better.  We need to raise our children to practice the word no, regardless of gender.  We need to emphasize to our teenagers that when you use no, you mean it.  In a perfect world it would effective on its own, but we do not live in perfection.  So we need to incorporate a firm body language, stoic stance, remove playfulness from our voice and say no whenever we need or want to.  And then have it heard, clearly the first time, every time.

I have written before about the way we are trained to be coy.  And to that end I have worked hard to rise above my old wishy washy way of subtly saying no, and to start to say no the moment I am uncomfortable and to educate, report and block people who cross lines or ignore my use of the word.  If we all work together we can bring back the meaning of no.  By understanding how we educate our children, reinforce these behaviors in our teens, and finally take full and complete ownership of the word as adults we will make this a better place.  End rant.

Picket Against Vasectomies Today!

I have heard quite a few radio ads as of late, trying to sell vasectomies as a quick and painless procedure for men.  Vasectomies are the number one method of male birth control and the ads are run at all hours of the day.  I have not heard any media discussion or any church groups that are working together to ban the airing of these ads.  Nor have I read any discussion that is working to force these doctors that provide this service to add in health warnings that vasectomies do not prevent STI’s or STD’s.  The men and their available method of birth control, is simply left alone.  Men do not need a referral from their doctors in most cases to book an appointment, they can simply make an appointment over the phone and ‘snip snip’ their boys no longer run the risk of creating babies.  

Where are the protests?  Where is the public outcry that governments should regulate the male body? 
Parents are free to choose to circumcise their baby boys, and grown men are free to choose to get a vasectomy or a circumcision.  Men have the freedom of choice when it comes to their penis.  Doctors may choose to council their patients out of having a vasectomy if too young but these are individual decisions without regulation or restriction from the government.  The responsibility lies in the highly educated medical professional making a recommendation to his patient and patient doing what he feels is right for him, nothing more and nothing less.  

In case anyone may be making the wrong conclusions from the above, let me be clear that I think all of the above is perfectly acceptable.  Men should be free to make their own choices with their own bodies free of government regulations and restrictions.  Men look to the medical professionals to perform a required service when they have worked towards an educated decision for their own bodies.  There is no counseling required, just a few waivers and paperwork followed by a quick in and out.  

Maybe this is in part because vasectomies are not being blamed for the disintegration of our society, or the demoralizing about what sex’s true purpose is.  Men are not being hounded and picketed for making a choice that stops the creation of life.  They are not murders for failing to allow their millions of swimmers from reaching their targeted goal.  Or perhaps the media just forgot to report on all the religious rights who are trying to end vasectomies today.  Just something to think about if you have ever tried to restrict a woman from doing what she feels is necessary to ensure that she prevents procreating when the time is not appropriate.  Men have freedom of choice, and woman should have no less than equal consideration.

Sex Negativity in the New Year

It is a new year, and after a much needed break I am back to blogging only to find without any surprises that we are still living in a sex negative world.  The most current story right now is about the woman in Delhi who was gang raped and murdered by allegedly 5 men.  Upon reading this story, the outcry from the populous about woman’s rights and how when the father reported his daughter missing the police tried to sluff it off as her just running off with a friend.  Why are woman’s rights not equal in status around the world to men.  How can we possibly have a conversation and movement towards the sex positive if we are not even equal with men?
I wrote previously about how we need to stop debating woman’s bodies in politics.  And that is true in North America, we should no longer debate the do’s or don’t s surrounding what woman are allowed to do to keep their own bodies safe, and operating in the most sex positive way that works for them.  We are individuals who should be free to choose, especially once the age of consent is reached.  However, I reluctantly admit that there are a multitude of third world nations that need to start debating.  They need to debate to start recognizing woman and their bodies as actual beings and not mere property.  As something to derive pleasure from and not fear and hatred.
Over the Christmas Break I read a book called “Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women” by Geraldine Brooks, and it absolutely opened my eyes to a few things that I tried really hard to ignore.  I did not believe that this mentality of female hatred affected me, however more and more I am finding that there is a direct correlation between how I am treated by men of middle eastern dissent in my own country and how they view woman.  On New Years Eve I was ignored by our cab driver who only wanted to interact with E.  As luck would have it, it was my turn to pay and the cab driver was noticeably upset that he had to accept payment from me.  At the time this did not seem such a big deal to me, but that is part of the problem.  That I myself, am taking an apathetic response to being treated as less than a man by an individual who is working in Canada.  There is no reason that I should accept being treated as unequal, and yet whenever it happens my first reaction is shock, then I say to myself that they just do not know any better and let it slide.  And the reality is that with that mentality nothing changes.  

So I am starting a new year of posting on a bit of a low note, however I know there is much more in the way of pro sex to come.  It is a new year of posting and as I stated in my last post of 2012, I can only write what I see and what affects me.  My outlook and perspective are unique and I hope that you will enjoy the year to come.  Happy 2013 to each of you.