Reader Feedback: Sex Positive, Breaking Away, Fantasies, and More

Reader Feedback Time: Sex Positive

Over the past few weeks, I have been branching out my writing, podcasting, and now I need a little bit of help.  Some of you have been reading since the very beginning of this blog, while some of you are very new, or just occasional readers.  So, no matter how you happen upon this little post, your feedback, and input are equally important.

Breaking Away From Monogamy

Firstly, this blog has and will remain about my random thoughts on everything to do with relationships, non-monogamy, and all subject matters that relate to sex positivity.  But further to that, I have developed a sex positive podcast, currently called BreakingAway.  In this, my aim to is talk about all subject matter related to being sex positive, sex education, and exploring other people’s relationships and why they are a part of this incredible sex positive community.  So, in the comments section, are there any topics that you would like me to explore?  What burning questions do you have that you would love to hear me talk about? 

Fantasy Writing

Second up, if you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed that I have begun to write a few erotic fantasies.  So, dear readers, where would the best fit be for me to post these?  A few suggestions would be a teaser called blog after dark, whereby I write the first part, and then the second for any Patreon fans who want to read more.  Or another suggestion would be for me to add an audio component to my Patreon and actually read a few of these for anyone who wants to read them.  I have a few reasons for not wanting this erotic writing to just be free on my blog, is the subject matter.  If my website gets flagged for erotica or porn, then I will have major hurdles to deal with when it comes to the branding of it.  There are so many new rules right now for the word porn, sex, etc. and really, I just don’t want to have to censor myself.  And making these posts public, would mean I have to.   So what are your thoughts?  How would you want to consume my non-monogamous fantasy shorts?  Please write in the comments.

Don’t forget to click here to purchase all your toys, lube, and condoms! Use BreakingAway at checkout to save 10% and support this blog!

Non-Monogamous Relationship Coaching

Third, is my dating and relationship coaching website.  I have been toying with the idea of shutting this down altogether and bringing a few tabs over onto my main blog page breakingawayfrommonogamy.  While this would save me a bit of money, ultimately, the majority of you have asked me to keep it separate.  So, if you are looking for book reviews, recommendations, non-monogamous dating or relationships coaching I do have a separate website that you can reach me at breakingawayfromrelationshipnorms.com.  I have had so many people reach out to me over the years, that it would be a shame to shut down that resource side and that is not what I want to do.  I want to be available to help, answer questions, and basically remain a resource.  So if you are curious, please feel to reach out to me there, and we can discuss the next steps.

Sex Positive Books and Blogs

Fourth and final thought.  Earlier this summer, I announced my newest website which is sex positive books and blogs.  The hope was for this to be a resource centre for people to explore media related to being sex positive.  I have reached out to a few contributors to share their books, blogs, podcasts, etc and the response has been amazing so far. For my end, it has been a matter of finding the time to ensure that I am promoting and placing your amazing contributions in an easy to use place.  This is still a go, but it will take a bit more time before I make it active.  So thank you, and please stay tuned on the Twitter news feed for my next announcement.

Contact Me or Comment Below

So, that about summarizes my questions for you.  I would love for you to comment, and share your thoughts and ideas about where you want what, and how you best enjoy consuming your sex positive content!  If you do feel uncertain about posting publicly, you may also DM or e-mail me.  The only caveat if you don’t want to make it public, is that I would ask is you please like this post on whatever social media you see it on so I can get the most feedback possible and best plan for the fall.

Cheers!

Krys

Getting Back to Nudity and Nature

Nudity and Nature

For the past few years I have been running on empty, treading water so to speak (not that I actually knew what was happening or what was wrong at the time).  I found myself in a situation with too many changes at once.  I was forced to pick a new career, and that put everything I had and was into flux.  I was completely overwhelmed by uncertainty.  My default mode was to just stay positive.  Remain optimistic and hopeful that things would inevitably get better, because they had to.  If I just kept putting good things into the universe then at some point, the good would have to flow back to me.

Well, that dam finally broke and I was no longer able to hold it together.  As I watched everything around me crumble, I felt despair in the realization that hope was no longer going to feed me, or keep a roof over my head.  It was terrifying.  After what I believe was akin to a panic attack I reached out for professional help.  There was no way I could reset myself alone.  I was done.  What I had been doing for 3 and a half years was no longer working.  I needed guidance, and a new way to approach the seemingly insurmountable stress and help me find meaning in my new direction. 

At this point, I want to point out that I am not trying to give any medical or professional advice when it comes to mental health.  I knew I was in trouble, but the whole, you don’t know what you don’t know was rattling in my head.  And it took a highly trained professional to hone in on exactly what I was missing.  And that, was to give myself permission to recharge.  To take a break in my day, and do an activity that I loved, could bring me joy, and allow me to give myself a mental, physical, and emotional break.  For you see, I had been treading water for so long, that I got myself into a feedback loop whereby I could only get ahead if I gave it everything I had.  And if I failed, it was simply because I was not working hard enough.  But I wasn’t getting ahead, so I need to push harder, and not stop until I reached the goal.  In all that struggle, I lost myself.  I lost the joy in life, and I couldn’t relax.  Every single time I watched TV, guilt would strangle me.  That nagging voice telling me I should be writing, I should be networking, I should be taking photos, and podcasting and creating and on and on and on.  I was burnt out. 

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It took a professional for my stubborn self to let go, and accept that I needed this recharge.  And not only once.  I needed to work into my daily and weekly schedule a time to rest, relax, laugh, and just have some fun doing an activity outside of my normal routine.  Life will always have stress, and life will always have difficult times ahead.  It’s how we choose to react, and how we interpret the events that really matters.  Perspective is everything.  And if that perspective is based on facts, then guess what?  You’re laughing.  And I could only see that, once I had allowed my mind, body, and soul to stop running on empty.  To take a real break.  And to incorporate joy and rest into my day. 

So why then did I call this post nudity and nature you may ask?  Well, because for the past 2 weeks, I have been getting out into nature to write, and I am celebrating this momentous change in my perspective.  Or perhaps, more of a refresh, back towards something I used to do when life was just a little bit easier or at the very least with a clear path.  Once I got into nature, and found a beautiful secluded place, all I wanted to do was strip down and become one with it.  Cliché or not, I just felt incredibly joy in standing with my bare breasts in the sunshine, taking all the beauty in, and knowing for the next few hours this was my sanctuary.  To celebrate all the joy, to smile, and to sit down and write completely distraction and internet free.  If anyone wants to share in my joy, please check out my Patreon to see the full images of me at one with nature. 

Click on my Patreon for full image

And, if any of you resonated with this post please reach out.  There is no shame in it.  We need to ensure that we are working together to end the stigma around mental health.  And that starts with talking about it.  Normalizing the stresses we feel, and removing shame or guilt in not being able to do everything on your own.

Stampede Cheating and Slut Shaming

Wow, here I thought I wouldn’t be writing about Stampede this year, and that scandal had passed us by.  Looks like I was wrong.  As I was listening to the radio, on my way to do some book I writing I heard the tale.  Today, there was a woman standing on a very busy street corner, with a cardboard signing that read “I cheated on my boyfriend at Stampede this is my punishment”.  The woman was dressed in oversized clothes, a hat is covering her eyes, and the sign blocks most of her.  Obviously, I have some thoughts. 

I try very hard not to make an knee jerk reaction until I can find out as many facts as I possibly can.  Was this a stunt for publicity?  Was this simply attention seeking behaviour for a little fame?  Was this, perhaps, just a dare or a bet?  The skeptic in me asks as I delve into the research.  And then, I realized, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is the public reaction to this woman, standing on the corner, obviously hiding as much of herself as possible.  Whatever the motivations behind, in that moment, she projects shame, and guilt.  The word cheated is underlined.  The busy street corner catches commuter on their way to work.  This is a statement that impacts an incredibly large amount of people.  And the comment section on Reddit did its very best to show pretty much every possible reaction to this incident. 

The rallying cries of foul are plenty.  Slut shaming at it’s finest.  The cynics call say it is all a rouse to get her out of the house to pack up her stuff, and change the locks.  And whatever the fallout is as a result, one thing is clear, this is that particular relationships price of admission.  You cheat, you are shamed and humiliated.  Agree with it or not, public airing of the dirtiest of laundry has occurred. 

In my true balanced nature I ask you to pretend that this was a male standing on the street corner instead of a female.  My gut reaction is that if it was a male, he would be in physical danger.  I truly believe that people would be throwing things at him, sneering, and the temptation to “nudge” him with their vehicle would be strong.  Whether the same risks existed for the female are not initially clear, I do believe that we have a stronger opinion to a female cheating in hindsight, and a stronger physical urge to act when it comes to a male.  If you find out a male has cheated, you want to slap them or kick them in the nuts.  You have a physical urge to even the playing field.  With women, it’s different.  We are cruel.  We use words like slut, and whore, and all sorts of vile sneers and snickers. 

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I wrote about the differences in our societal reactions between males and females cheating in this post, and while it did not make me popular with the female in question, I think it still holds water.   We have a clear gender bias when it comes to cheating.  Take for example the Stampede slut a few years back.  She was a woman who basically had to own the sexual act and capitalize on it rather than become swallowed up in the scorn and shame.  No one asks about the men in question, and there were two in the act, and one filming, so I guess 3 technically.  Did they lose their jobs?  Were they all single?  What level of societal shame did we place on them?  Oh, that’s right, they were opportunistic males.  So they got a pass.  She took fame by the horns, and they just slipped quietly into the night.  The same is true for the person this woman cheated with.  His picture is not on the cardboard sign, he is not standing with her in solidarity, he is nowhere to be found (if it is a he, which I assume, only because a female to female cheating scenario would have received a jovial hi five and entered into the spank bank).  

I think we all can agree that this relationship is doomed.  Tit for tat relationships are not sustainable.  Public shaming is something we do not as a society accept.  We believe we have evolved beyond the Roman games at the coliseum.  Slut shaming is not something we should be proud to do in a public forum.  And make no mistake, that is exactly what this boyfriend is doing to his girlfriend.  He has brought her shame out into the limelight, and that is deplorable.  There is no balance in that behaviour, and the relationship will not survive. 

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Building a Sex Positive Brand

Building a Brand, while marching to my own drum!

What You’re Not Supposed to Talk About: The Lows

On July 30th I will be celebrating 8 years of blogging and as I have written a few times, I have certainly learned a lot and grown into the Sex positive soul that I am today.  But there is one key point that we, as content creators are not allowed to talk about, and that is the low’s of building a brand.  And that is just what my writing has become.  It has evolved past my own words, and into an identity all of it’s own.  It is a blog, a website, a coaching business, a podcast, and a place that has grown far beyond what I ever could have imagined at its conception.  And the reality is that it was incredibly hard, and I have shed countless tears over it.  And yeah, here I go again tackling another taboo subject, building a brand and what you’re not supposed to talk about, it sucks and is hard.

Social Media Skews Reality

For whatever reason our society has decided that social media is a place where you can freely share all the joys, highs, and amazing points in your life.  By extension, the same is true of starting your own business or brand.  We want to build this illusion that we are successful right from the onset.  Fake it till you make it is the rally cry we here.  If you want to get funding, support, accolades, or any sort of exposure you need to be unique, successful, and solve people’s pain in a way no one else can.  And yes, these factors definitely play into building a brand and are important for growth and success.  But, this is only a very teeny tiny fraction of the truth behind any creation, company, product, or in this case a brand.  The truth is, it is 99% percent blood, sweat, and so many tears in the beginning, and very few ever find success from all that hardship, and yet, we keep up with this smoke and mirror anyways because we cannot let go of our dream, or our what if.

But you see, I am not supposed to talk about this.  By sharing with you that blogging about my first open relationship, all the trials and errors of non-monogamy, and all the hardships I have faced by publicly sharing nude photos will give you doubt about my abilities as a writer.  It will make you question why you follow me, interact with me, or share my work.  If I go out, into the world showing the entire picture, I will be showing the truth behind the magic.  And then, what am I?  Just another hack, pushing and prodding, waiting for my next big break.

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The Creators Myth

I am supposed to tell you that I blog for fun.  It’s my hobby and if I ever make it great, but if I don’t that’s fine too. I love what I do.  And I will be completely honest with you, this statement is true.  I adore what I do.  And I am the entire embodiment of this brand I have built.  It has been worth almost every second I have put into it, and it is my passion.  That my friends though, is not the entire story.  The passion is the fuel that allows me to write a little more every day, and create engaging content, or photos.  But, you cannot feed yourself on passion alone, actually you cannot feed yourself at all.  And that my dear friends, is what we are not supposed to talk about.

I have a very dear friend who has created an incredible product, and has received awards, accolades, and international exposure for his invention.  People are constantly telling him that they love what he does, he is on the cutting edge of something big, and that they will support him any way that they can.  So he tells them that he needs funding to build the next prototype.  Guess what happens when the investors hear this…?  You guessed it, crickets!  Now again, I am not supposed to share this, and he is not supposed to share this pain.  Instead, we are all supposed to keep fighting the good fighting, wishing and praying that one day our ship will come in. Hard work always pays off we tell ourselves.  And yes, someday it will.  However, when you are in the thick of things, treading water, desperately hungry, and trying to fuel yourself with dreams, it gets…. disheartening.

Why am I sharing this with you?  Are you going to see a huge Go Fund Me link at this end of the post because I have guilted you into paying for the content that I offer?  Nope, that would feel weird, coercive, and honestly challenge my whole identity and belief of free flowing information.  While there will always be an affiliate link and a Patreon offer with each post, your interaction with those offers will not change the content I love producing.  This post is more directed at the other content creators, inventors, entrepreneurs, etc.  I want you to know I hear you pain, I feel the loneliness of hearing nothing but crickets post after post, and I acknowledge you wanting to throw in the towel and say screw it this isn’t worth all the shit, and abuse we get online daily.  We aren’t supposed to talk about the pain of building a brand, so I say screw it, let’s talk about it! 

Sharing is Caring!

I want to hear your stories, so please write a post and link it in the comments, or link it to my twitter feed (with a note it’s OK to share) and I will add it to this post!   It’s OK to talk about the bad.  It’s human, and we need to feel safe to do more of it!

A Rant: Respecting the Word No

No means no!

I’m feeling raw and vulnerable, because it happened again.  It always seems to happen.  Here I am, trying to be open, fun, and authentic and then boom, some jackass takes it too far.  They stop respecting when I say no.  And they try… wait… they do push my boundaries, simply because they believe something inherently false, that women do not know what they want.  That I, do not know what I want.  Why?  Because they have their best intentions at heart and I can trust them.  I have heard this argument so many times in my life, that it really has done a mind fuck on me.  And yes, there is a time and a place when this may be true.  I.e. when you are in a committed relationship and your partner knows you better than you know yourself.  Or when there is an established, vocalized, and consent based trust that they will not ever push you into a place that would harm either of you.  Then, of course, there is an exception, and perhaps the good intentions hold true.  But even then, if I or anyone else says no, the demand is that it be heard.

Good Intentions VS Perceptions

But that’s not where I find myself right now.  I have numerous people in my life with whom I have to keep re-iterating my boundaries.  How many times can I say, “no, I don’t want a hug” or “no, I don’t want to have sexualized conversations with you, because we don’t have that type of relationship”.  It becomes exhausting steering the conversation away from sex or relationship topics or even something as simple as talking about my personal life.  That nice guy adage of talking about your feelings will make you feel better is bullshit.  I’m not playing those games or letting you into my mind!  It makes you feel better to see someone hurt or vulnerable, not me!  How many times do certain men need to be shot down before I have to up the ante, and get really mad or worse, cut them out of my life completely?

There is a huge difference between being playful, flirty, and fun, versus just pulling out all the stops and ignoring the word no.  If I say, no, I demand that to be respected.  I know myself.  I know my body, and I know my comfort levels.  On and on this note, body language plays a huge role in this too.  If you reach out to touch someone, and they do not reciprocate the touching, it’s time you took a pause and ask them if they are OK with it.  I think we all know what that uncomfortable hug from someone you don’t want touching you feels like, and when you’re in an emotionally vulnerable place it is so much worse.  You begin to dread having to ever see them again.  You need to get consent before you touch someone, and crush that part of you that thinks your touch someone is more important than their answer.  And no, it not OK to look crushed and hurt or make them feel guilty for whatever their answer is.

Why Do I Feel Raw?

Now you may ask why I opened with feeling raw and vulnerable because I seem to have a very clear picture of what I want.  But the truth is I am getting very tired of feeling that this is my fault.  That writing this blog, sharing sexy pictures on Patreon, or posing for Instagram with my beer and boobs, somehow means I deserve to be ignored.  Or that I must be open with everyone.  Or that I identify as a sex positive individual and therefore, I want to talk sex all the time, and be touched by everyone.  Or worse, that you think you are special because you read my work, understand me, and now feel that you somehow are a part of my intimate life.  Let me be very clear, I share what I want to share, and I want to be free to continue doing so.  I do not owe you anything, and I do not have to expand on topics for your own delight.  And again, if I say I don’t want to talk about it, respect that.  Do not give me your puppy dog eyes, and put your hand on my thigh, telling me that you’re always here if I need you.

A Little Math to Help Clarify

Let’s put some math into this to help me explain.  Let’s say you have read 10 of my blog posts, and we have had 1 conversation in person that lasted about 10 minutes.  Do you think that in that short amount of time what you know of me, versus what I know of you is now equal?  Do you honestly think that somehow, magically, you have put enough work into building trust and a relationship that we are on equal footing and you can ignore when I say no?  Or to ignore when I blatantly brush you off, and do not reciprocate to a single one of your advancements?  If you’re wondering, each one of my posts takes at minimum of an hour of my time (keeping the math simple here as some take days).  So, from a simple algebraic formula can you get this to balance?  Remember, I have already put in 10 hours of my life, to your 10 minutes.  Are you seeing the inequality here?   

And let me tell you, I am sick and tired of men taking advantage of that and thinking they don’t have to put in any effort with me.  More to the fact, I am exhausted from working so hard to let me guard down, and then boom, feeling like I am faced with blatant sexual harassment that some how I feel is my fault.  Because I was open, sex positive, and shared my vulnerabilities publicly. 

In Short, Respect the No!

The world is changing.  The #metoo movement is real.  It is no longer acceptable for men to just keep pushing until they get slapped or the woman changes her mind, mind you that was never a great tactic but if you lived through the 80’s and 90’s you’ll remember that being pretty common.  Remember those days are over.  Wake up!  If you have ever had a woman claim that you crossed the line, you are the problem.  You need to change your tactics and never do that again.  Respect the no.  Do not push it.  And here’s the thing, even if a woman has been uncomfortable even one time, I have to re-iterate that you have done something wrong.  Woman should never feel uncomfortable.  It means you have not put in the time required to build trust, you are ignoring clearly established boundaries, and/or you are not respecting the person you are interacting with.  I don’t care how “good” your intentions may be in your head, your actions are clearly in violation of your intentions, you are not the nice guy that you think you are, and you need to stop that behaviour immediately!

End rant!

Posts like this are why my pictures are no longer as sexy on my blog.  Someday, I hope that will change and I will be free to be an exhibitionist publicly, for now, check out my Patreon for all the behind the scenes content!