Baby It’s Cold Outside and the #MeToo Movement

 

I had planned for my first post of December to be light and fluffy and super fun.  I even created my very own #reindeerBoob (which you can see a sneak peak of on my Patreon) and was going to babble about my thoughts on this internet sensation, however, this post is much more important than my little bit of fun.  For you see, this morning I woke up to the news that various radio stations are banning a song (Baby It’s Cold Outside), and calling it a step forward in the fight for the #metoo movement.  And quite frankly, that is bullshit.

In 1990, 2 Live Crew was arrested after performing a banned song with very sexually graphic and violent lyrics.  This began a trial that was ultimately going to determine the fate of an artists freedom of speech.  Spoiler alert, musicians won, and freedom of expression and speech were protected.  And here we sit, 28 years later, banning music, yet again to protect our little sensitivities.  Have we really learned nothing?  Why do we have to keep making the same mistakes over and over again to only end up in the same place?  This is the definition of insanity.  It’s time to wake up and stop banning things just because you don’t like them.  Censorship never has the intended effect, EVER!

I absolutely think the #MeToo movement is valuable and woke a lot of people up to a major problem in our society.  It made the word consent meaningful.  It began conversations with peers and parents alike about what we can do in our social circles, and how we can better raise the next generation.  Conversations and education are the most precious things we have at the moment to move forward as a society with awareness and compassion alike.  I fully support using the hashtag #MeToo to spread awareness of facts.  What I have an intense problem with, is when groups of people rally together to start banning music, books, media, etc in the name of social change, and in this case a hashtag.  For the past couple of years, people have been rallying to ban Baby It’s Cold Outside.  And when that didn’t work, they even tried to change the lyrics to a more socially aware little ditty.  And now they are just outright pulling it from public airwaves, siting a movement that quite frankly has nothing to do with the song.

NoMoreWetSpot.com

And before you ask me, have I even heard the lyrics, yes, yes I have.  And as I write this, I have the original on in the background with a man singing it to keep his lady friend from going home, and the very funny flip of a woman singing it to keep her man from leaving.  It was written to be sung, with the irony of how a man and women singing the same lyrics would be perceived, in a comedic setting.  Light hearted fun, fit for the times, and with such a beautiful melody, it has been recorded countless times over the years with people eager to give their try as this catchy duet.  Now if you read the lyrics, with zero context and get to the line where the singer says “no” it is firm and playfully ignored.  And I would be a fool to say that this is not a huge problem in our current society.  It absolutely is, no, should always be no.  But I ask you this, what can possibly be gained by banning this song and just removing it from our musical archives?  If you guessed nothing, you would be absolutely right.  And what can be gained from having a conversation about why that part of the song is so offensive and off putting, oh that’s right, EVERYTHING!

We have an opportunity here to educate and change the perspective of people going forward.  We do this by having dialogue and debate.  We talk about what offends us and we work to improve things.  We do not just sweep things under the rug and hope they will go away, because we all know that doesn’t work.  So please, let’s not go back in time, banning music that doesn’t suit out delicate constitutions. Instead, choose to listen or turn it off.  Talk about what we can do to make more socially aware changes in your own life.  And finally, if you have ever thought about blaming a song for you being socially inept and ignoring the word no in your own life, please, sort that shit out, because you are the problem, not the song.

 

Thank you for liking, sharing and commenting on this blog!

My Holidays, My Family, My Way

In just a few weeks, my partner and I will pack up our car and begin our annual road trip south for the holidays.  It has become our tradition and something that I just couldn’t imagine not doing.  But when I tell people that we are doing this, the very first question I get asked is, “oh are you going to go visit family?”.  Well, let me just preface this by saying, my partner and I are a family.  For us, Christmas isn’t a time for visiting our family.  It is a time for us.  We go down there because we love it, it gives us a chance to relax, do whatever we want without any obligations and simply to have just a total and complete reset.

It’s funny though the looks you get from friends and acquaintances who just cannot imagine ever not spending the holidays with their family.  It is almost a moral obligation.  We are outsiders, again, straying from the norm.  Here’s a familiar term within my blog, I am once again an outlier in the way I do things.  Just because you have always spent time with your family does not mean that you have to continue to do that.

In my immediate family, the holidays were about obligation, and stress.  It was about dividing time between families, and scheduling dinners, and basically pleasing everyone but myself.  I was informed that I was only allowed to make my own holiday traditions once I had children of my own.  Until then, I was on everybody else’s clock.  And for a while, I was compliant.  I spent my 20’s just driving from house to house, having quick little visits and then heading home craving that celebratory drink, thankful that I survived another year without tears or having huge blowouts with certain family members.  Writing this, I honestly cannot believe I actually tolerated this way of spending the holidays for so long.  Especially knowing what I know now.  The holidays can actually be really fun, relaxing and completely drama and stress free if you choose to do it that way, and you better believe that I do.

I love many things about Christmas.  I love watching movies, baking cookies, and drinking all the Christmas cheer I can get my hands on.  I love getting dressed up for the parties, and wishing happy holidays to strangers on the street, and just the general joy that seems to be in the air.  It has a sense of wonderment and magic that makes me so happy.  But I also appreciate that I can do all those things completely obligation free when I am far away from those that have kept me locked in tradition for so long.

Last year, we had our entire campground to ourselves for Christmas and spent the morning drinking beer, taking sexy photos and just enjoying each other’s company and the sunshine.  In the evening we got invited to a potluck for all the people who didn’t have family that year, and my goodness it was amazing!  Everyone was so thankful to be there, that Christmas cheer was overflowing.  There was absolutely zero dinner stress.  There was no bickering, no drunk aunt that was going to say something offensive and possibly ruin the rest of the night.  There was no secret sign between partners as to when the appropriate time to make your leave was going to be.  There was absolutely zero, and I mean zero drama or even a hint of it.

That is how I choose to spend my holidays.  That is how I want to celebrate this joyous time of year.  That is why I have zero qualms about driving for nearly 30 hours at a time to arrive at this little peace of tranquil perfection.  I firmly believe that the relationships in your life should enrich you in some way.  We cannot choose our family, but we absolutely have a choice in how we spend our time, and with whom.  Even if you feel the overwhelming obligation or guilt this year, try and remember to take a little time for yourself.  Spend authentic time with those that are important to you this holiday.  And perhaps you will be lucky enough to have the mindset spill over into the rest of the year.

 

If you enjoyed this audio track, please consider subscribing to my Patreon or liking and sharing this YouTube channel!

Imagine a World Where Monogamy Didn’t Exist

 

What if you had never heard the term monogamy?  Instead, you were raised to believe that loving whom you wanted was possible and even encouraged.  That when you fell in lust, you were not shamed, but instead praised and even encouraged to share your good fortune or some sexy stories to an accepting audience.  What if your partnership was enhanced, by for example, morning videos of sexy times that new acquaintances or loved ones shared, and that became a part of your sexual experience?  What if instead of sex shaming, we were a sex positive community that promoted safe sex, and human growth in whatever sexuality made the most sense or was even intriguing in the moment?  What if our sexuality was a guilt free experience?

I was raised in monogamy.  I was raised to feel guilty for not settling down and raising a family at the first chance I got.  I was shamed for ending an engagement and not trying harder to stay with my first love and overcome any and all obstacles together.  I was told that forever was finding a partner and uniting to become you and him against the world.  That was true piece of mind, and the ultimate goal.  Forever, with your soul mate, never having a wandering eye or straying from the one partner you would share your bed with exclusively, forever.  I was raised with the absence of non-monogamy.  I knew nothing about the spectrum outside of a monogamous reality.  And if anything outside creeped into my reality, it was judged, squashed and shamed, so vigorously that I barely had time to give it a second thought.

But after waking up this morning to sexy video of a new couple we are exited to hang out with, I was exuberant in the fact that I could enjoy sex with my partner, and my ongoing fantasies completely shame free.  I felt normal, and healthy and sex positive!  Even now, I feel zero guilt for my imagination running wild with possibilities and what ifs.  And the bonus of being able to share the sexual highs with my partner, or to be on the receiving end of his sexual excitement, sigh, it is exhilarating and liberating.  And I almost wish this had always been my adult reality.

I don’t necessarily regret monogamy, as that is how I was raised, and I accept that.  But I do wonder how much further ahead in life I would be if I had overcome jealousy earlier in life.  How that would have impacted my work and family life.  And more to the fact, how much closer I would have gotten to people sooner.  I lived a very closed life, safely guarded for decades.  And now that I have opened the doors wide to opportunity, closeness and love, I feel this incredible joy.  Hugging people I care about is no longer awkward.  Saying I love you, to a platonic female friend is hard to even put into words.  I am actually stumbling to describe the feeling, other than to say, I sit here with a full heart, and a huge smile on my face just thinking about how great we both felt texting a quick “I love you” after an update on our lives.  I wish, in a very profound way, that I was raised to believe that expressing yourself in a full and complete way, had always been acceptable.

As I write this, I cannot help feeling that speaking my truth will be construed as bragging.  And while blogging in the way I do, has definitely helped to silence the fear I get from naysayers or criticisms, if nothing else by thickening my skin considerably, I still feel this is important to share regardless of the negative opinions of others.  I have found considerable joy in non-monogamy.  And I find it exciting to imagine a world not confined by the social constructs of one man for one women, till death do they part.  We have already seen a huge social uprising, fighting for equality of the sexes and huge exposure of sexuality and gender issues.  It is a remarkable time to be alive.  So much social change is occurring, I am honestly excited for the next generation to be raised free of gender norms, in the same way I feel I was raised free of racial issues.  It’s a step forward, and one that I feel will ultimately bring us closer together.  While multiple love may not work for everyone, at least being tolerant of it, and accepting it in friends and family, in my opinion would be a pretty cool society to live in.  A place that maybe one day, had never even heard of the word monogamy.  Love who you want, when you want, and for however long that you want, so long as it is mutual and brings joy to your life.  In short, the possibility of living in a world where monogamy didn’t exist.

 

If you want to see the behind the scenes pictures of this or any of my other blogs, please click here!

Sex Positive and Safe Sex Go Hand in Hand

As someone who prides herself on being a part of the sex positive community, I am a little embarrassed about how little I talk about safe sex, and more to the point, about how there are absolutely zero resources to be found anywhere on my site for those who want to practice safe sex, and get tested regularly.  Well, with this post (Thank you STDcheck.com for showing me the error in my ways and sponsoring this post), I am striving to improve on that glaring oversight.  Sometimes I forget how limited the access is for people to get tested regularly, and practice safe sex because I live in Canada, where healthcare is free and I am extraordinarily lucky to have a family doctor that I can be open and honest about being non-monogamous with.  And as an added bonus she supports me in regular testing and screening and will even remind me on occasion when I am due or ask me if I have had new partners and want to book a fresh screening.  But it took me years to find her, and I recognize that very few are as lucky as I am in that regard and thus I feel it is my duty to write this PSA.

If I am being completely honest, having a strong network of safe sex, support and resources makes my non-monogamous life possible.  For you see, I subscribed for a long time to the stigma about how dangerous sex with other people can be, and how your chances of catching something grew exponentially with each new partner.  It kept me monogamous to a fault, and when I was first introduced to open relationships, held me in a steadfast fueled by a strong fear of actually exploring sex with other people due to inherent risks.  It was one of the biggest hurdles for me to overcome in my early years of non-monogamy, well and a mix of jealousy and insecurity.

And that is why, for me, writing this post about safe sex is so important, because it makes being non-monogamous possible, and ethical.  Safety is not just about condoms.  It is about disclosure, consent and regular testing.  These are the fundamental building blocks that make non monogamy fun, and allow me to relax and enjoy new people and situations.  While safety will always be a concern, my partner and I have developed rules that work for our lifestyle and values.  For example, we do not kiss or have any fluid contact with strangers or people we have just met.  This allows us the freedom to have spontaneous and often very hot, same room play with a new couple, but keeps the risk down, until we can have a conversation about safe sex, disclosure (if any) and a few likes and dislikes in a sober state of mind with new people.  Secondly, we always use condoms with other people, zero exceptions.   Simple rules, that keep us active and healthy within our community.  And again, living in Canada it is definitely easier to access certain resources, but that is not necessarily the case for those of you in the US.

I read constantly in forums about people not being able to talk to their family doctors about non-monogamy due to privacy or religious reasons, and therefore forgo regular testing.  Or the people who preach that herpes is a normal part of the lifestyle because most doctors don’t even test for it.  These are dangerous mindsets to have and I am super excited that there is now a simple and cost effective way for you to get the tests you want, and when you want them.  With STDcheck.com you can pick the appropriate tests online, or via the phone, then choose a test sight and have your results e-mailed securely within 1 – 2 days.  No longer do you have the hurdles that prevent you and your partners from accessing what I often take for granted.

Safe sex is important.  And the more you know about your status and those of your partners the stronger and safer the community grows as a whole.  We can all do our part to disclose, test and practice safe sex every single time.  While your rules may not be the same as mine, it is important to have a conversation with your partner and agree to something that makes you both comfortable.  This is a community, whether you are dipping a toe in for the first time or have been doing this for decades.  We want to work to eliminate the stigmas and keep each other safe.  So do your part, get tested, and disclose each and every time you interact with new partners.

So please, take a moment to check out their amazing service, and follow them on Twitter.  

Take control of your sexual health today!

Non-Monogamy and Popping Cherries

In my monogamous upbringing, I was taught, like many of us were, that losing ones virginity was basically the pinnacle of sexual exploration and maturity.  There was zero conversation in regards to what milestones existed beyond the “popping of one’s cherry”.  It was simply a goal of everyone to lose virginity either in the confines of marriage, or as a pubescent race to experience this physical milestone as fast as possible.  Arguably these are the two main schools of thought, and obviously in our sex positive narrative, wrought with misconceptions and at times even a dangerous quest, as I’m sure you are well aware.  If you, did not experience this as part of your sexual education then I am indeed envious.

But lamenting the past is something I want to do as little as possible in this post.  Instead, I want to celebrate something truly amazing.  The opening of my non-monogamous eyes to the new and exciting world of cherry popping in all it’s vast and wondrous forms, that are far reaching and almost limitless if you use a little bit more of your sexual arsenal, creativity, and perhaps an extra hand or two.

NoMoreWetSpot.com

Last weekend, a couple remarked that we popped their cherry in regards to a very sexy, same room sexual encounter.  It was more of an exhibitionist focused tryst, but a real cherry was popped none the less.  This was a first for the couple and they left recharged with sexual energy that was amazingly contagious.  And that my friends got my mind racing.  During my non-monogamous journey I have experienced what feels like a lifetime of new, and amazing sexual firsts.  I have had my cherry popped in so many different ways, that I blush just to think how long that list is getting.  It is an incredible world of firsts, and newness, and well, the heart races just a little bit when I recall my first threesome or my first time reaching an orgasm with strangers watching, or… I better stop while I am ahead here and still able to type.

But the thing of it is, in monogamy, I would not have come even close to being able to list the things I have.  And this is not because I would not have been able to experience many of these things via role playing, dirty talk, fantasy, etc, but because the conversation was halted at the loss of losing your virginity.  In my monogamous life, that was pretty much it.  You had one milestone that you could talk about with your friends, and then, you either had sex regularly or you were on the quest to find someone who would.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, just a completely different way of looking at the world.  I now see possibilities and new experiences that I  yearn to try, and I can share them, talk about them, and even plan new adventures in this freeing lifestyle.  Whereas in monogamy, I just cannot envision me saying to a friend even half of the things that I am able to express  in this blog for example.

Viewing new experiences in the light of “cherry popping” goes beyond just a sexual bucket list.  It is, for me, the embracing of new experiences as an exciting bonus of the lifestyle.  The addage that you don’t know if you like something unless you try it, sort of mentality.  It’s a freeing concept that is fueled by the many positive experiences that I am having, and works to push out the limiting and often impulsive word “no” from my vocabulary, which has more far reaching benefits in my day to day life as well.  While I am still not quite at the enthusiastic “hell yes” phase, when it comes to new people and adventures, I am definitely heading in the right direction.  So thank you to all who have helped me pop a cherry or two, and a very special thank you to those that allowed us to be a part of your firsts!  Cheers to many, many more sex positive adventures!

If you liked this picture and want to see my full gallery, check out my Patreon page!