Reader Feedback: Sex Positive, Breaking Away, Fantasies, and More

Reader Feedback Time: Sex Positive

Over the past few weeks, I have been branching out my writing, podcasting, and now I need a little bit of help.  Some of you have been reading since the very beginning of this blog, while some of you are very new, or just occasional readers.  So, no matter how you happen upon this little post, your feedback, and input are equally important.

Breaking Away From Monogamy

Firstly, this blog has and will remain about my random thoughts on everything to do with relationships, non-monogamy, and all subject matters that relate to sex positivity.  But further to that, I have developed a sex positive podcast, currently called BreakingAway.  In this, my aim to is talk about all subject matter related to being sex positive, sex education, and exploring other people’s relationships and why they are a part of this incredible sex positive community.  So, in the comments section, are there any topics that you would like me to explore?  What burning questions do you have that you would love to hear me talk about? 

Fantasy Writing

Second up, if you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed that I have begun to write a few erotic fantasies.  So, dear readers, where would the best fit be for me to post these?  A few suggestions would be a teaser called blog after dark, whereby I write the first part, and then the second for any Patreon fans who want to read more.  Or another suggestion would be for me to add an audio component to my Patreon and actually read a few of these for anyone who wants to read them.  I have a few reasons for not wanting this erotic writing to just be free on my blog, is the subject matter.  If my website gets flagged for erotica or porn, then I will have major hurdles to deal with when it comes to the branding of it.  There are so many new rules right now for the word porn, sex, etc. and really, I just don’t want to have to censor myself.  And making these posts public, would mean I have to.   So what are your thoughts?  How would you want to consume my non-monogamous fantasy shorts?  Please write in the comments.

Don’t forget to click here to purchase all your toys, lube, and condoms! Use BreakingAway at checkout to save 10% and support this blog!

Non-Monogamous Relationship Coaching

Third, is my dating and relationship coaching website.  I have been toying with the idea of shutting this down altogether and bringing a few tabs over onto my main blog page breakingawayfrommonogamy.  While this would save me a bit of money, ultimately, the majority of you have asked me to keep it separate.  So, if you are looking for book reviews, recommendations, non-monogamous dating or relationships coaching I do have a separate website that you can reach me at breakingawayfromrelationshipnorms.com.  I have had so many people reach out to me over the years, that it would be a shame to shut down that resource side and that is not what I want to do.  I want to be available to help, answer questions, and basically remain a resource.  So if you are curious, please feel to reach out to me there, and we can discuss the next steps.

Sex Positive Books and Blogs

Fourth and final thought.  Earlier this summer, I announced my newest website which is sex positive books and blogs.  The hope was for this to be a resource centre for people to explore media related to being sex positive.  I have reached out to a few contributors to share their books, blogs, podcasts, etc and the response has been amazing so far. For my end, it has been a matter of finding the time to ensure that I am promoting and placing your amazing contributions in an easy to use place.  This is still a go, but it will take a bit more time before I make it active.  So thank you, and please stay tuned on the Twitter news feed for my next announcement.

Contact Me or Comment Below

So, that about summarizes my questions for you.  I would love for you to comment, and share your thoughts and ideas about where you want what, and how you best enjoy consuming your sex positive content!  If you do feel uncertain about posting publicly, you may also DM or e-mail me.  The only caveat if you don’t want to make it public, is that I would ask is you please like this post on whatever social media you see it on so I can get the most feedback possible and best plan for the fall.

Cheers!

Krys

Stampede Cheating and Slut Shaming

Wow, here I thought I wouldn’t be writing about Stampede this year, and that scandal had passed us by.  Looks like I was wrong.  As I was listening to the radio, on my way to do some book I writing I heard the tale.  Today, there was a woman standing on a very busy street corner, with a cardboard signing that read “I cheated on my boyfriend at Stampede this is my punishment”.  The woman was dressed in oversized clothes, a hat is covering her eyes, and the sign blocks most of her.  Obviously, I have some thoughts. 

I try very hard not to make an knee jerk reaction until I can find out as many facts as I possibly can.  Was this a stunt for publicity?  Was this simply attention seeking behaviour for a little fame?  Was this, perhaps, just a dare or a bet?  The skeptic in me asks as I delve into the research.  And then, I realized, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is the public reaction to this woman, standing on the corner, obviously hiding as much of herself as possible.  Whatever the motivations behind, in that moment, she projects shame, and guilt.  The word cheated is underlined.  The busy street corner catches commuter on their way to work.  This is a statement that impacts an incredibly large amount of people.  And the comment section on Reddit did its very best to show pretty much every possible reaction to this incident. 

The rallying cries of foul are plenty.  Slut shaming at it’s finest.  The cynics call say it is all a rouse to get her out of the house to pack up her stuff, and change the locks.  And whatever the fallout is as a result, one thing is clear, this is that particular relationships price of admission.  You cheat, you are shamed and humiliated.  Agree with it or not, public airing of the dirtiest of laundry has occurred. 

In my true balanced nature I ask you to pretend that this was a male standing on the street corner instead of a female.  My gut reaction is that if it was a male, he would be in physical danger.  I truly believe that people would be throwing things at him, sneering, and the temptation to “nudge” him with their vehicle would be strong.  Whether the same risks existed for the female are not initially clear, I do believe that we have a stronger opinion to a female cheating in hindsight, and a stronger physical urge to act when it comes to a male.  If you find out a male has cheated, you want to slap them or kick them in the nuts.  You have a physical urge to even the playing field.  With women, it’s different.  We are cruel.  We use words like slut, and whore, and all sorts of vile sneers and snickers. 

NoMoreWetSpot.com
(affiliate link for an incredible camping and of course easy cleanup sex blanket fueling this blog)

I wrote about the differences in our societal reactions between males and females cheating in this post, and while it did not make me popular with the female in question, I think it still holds water.   We have a clear gender bias when it comes to cheating.  Take for example the Stampede slut a few years back.  She was a woman who basically had to own the sexual act and capitalize on it rather than become swallowed up in the scorn and shame.  No one asks about the men in question, and there were two in the act, and one filming, so I guess 3 technically.  Did they lose their jobs?  Were they all single?  What level of societal shame did we place on them?  Oh, that’s right, they were opportunistic males.  So they got a pass.  She took fame by the horns, and they just slipped quietly into the night.  The same is true for the person this woman cheated with.  His picture is not on the cardboard sign, he is not standing with her in solidarity, he is nowhere to be found (if it is a he, which I assume, only because a female to female cheating scenario would have received a jovial hi five and entered into the spank bank).  

I think we all can agree that this relationship is doomed.  Tit for tat relationships are not sustainable.  Public shaming is something we do not as a society accept.  We believe we have evolved beyond the Roman games at the coliseum.  Slut shaming is not something we should be proud to do in a public forum.  And make no mistake, that is exactly what this boyfriend is doing to his girlfriend.  He has brought her shame out into the limelight, and that is deplorable.  There is no balance in that behaviour, and the relationship will not survive. 

Want to see more pictures, get access to audio (coming soon), and help fuel this blog? Please subscribe to my Patreon!

Breaking Free From Gaslighting

Gaslighting

First off, I am a survivor and not a victim.  I say that out loud to myself from time to time, because I find it helps me regain my power and control over the situation that I found myself in a few years ago (sorry I cannot give a specific timeline due to circumstance outside of my control).  Why did it take me so long to come out and write about it?  Because, it was difficult for me to put a label on it, and publicly address what happened to me, especially as, until recently, many of the people I considered extended family read my blog and knew this man.  The silly thing is, the fear of not writing this post, is a key reason why I need to.  I need to break any and all control that my former mentor, and confident has/had over me, and I need to do it from a place of serenity and autonomy, and try not to let the fear of him getting upset and isolating me any further (I still am keeping his full identity anonymous as this is about healing and not about starting a witch hunt). This is my experience as I am Breaking free from gaslighting.

Ready to make the most out of your coffee breaks and start earning real cash and prizes by taking surveys? Sign up under my affiliate code today!

What is Gaslighting?

When I first read about the term gaslighting, I dismissed it as the latest buzzword.  A trend to label behaviour that was most likely a form of abuse and required a person to just get out of the situation.  For the most part, I dismiss labels, and by doing that I feel that I can be more fluid and not allow them to define or trap me.  However, as I recently discovered, I needed this term in my life, to come to full terms with what was happening to me, and just how bad things were about to get.  If you want a fuller description of gaslighting, please check out this link, but for the context of this post it is someone who never apologizes without making you feel guilty.  It is someone who makes you feel isolated and that everything wrong is your fault, and claims to love you unconditionally with caveats that are completely unachievable.  They lie repeatedly, refuse to take any personal responsibility, and what for me was even worse, they tell everyone that you are the crazy one.  Honestly, there were times that the magnitude of how cruel the whole situation was, I could barely catch my breath.  And being isolated from all my family friends, and not realizing how deep the isolation actually went, I would naively turn to them for help and end up making an even bigger hole for myself, by proving that I was the crazy one who was off kilter. 

All I can say, is that even though he tried numerous times to turn my partner against me, and drive a wedge between us, my partner has the most incredible B.S. detector I have ever met and he called him out for exactly what he was, and what he was doing to me.  Without my partner, I may have crumbled and gone crawling back to this man because I honestly was left with, a feeling of complete nothingness. 

Where Am I Now?

While I still feel the weight from time to time of this person’s years of abuse, and occasionally find myself asking if I am stupid or weak, I have far more good days than bad. I have incredible friends who ensure I do not feel alone, and are happy just to sit in silence sipping a beer with me if I need to, sometimes it’s not enough.  There are moments, that I dream about him, and honestly wake up believing that things are back to how I idealized they were when I was younger.  I feel this incredible calm, that maybe this nightmare I have lived is over, and I am free.  I go back and forth between fantasy and reality, sometimes worried that I will never know the truth.  I am not fully free of this man, and for my mental sanity, I have to just accept that for the time being and continue to find peace in what I can control.  And that, is how I move forward with my life, and how I can forgive myself for living so long with the mental hell of my past.  

And please, out of respect for me, and my families privacy as I continue to work through this difficult time, do not guess who this person is, or try and reach out to that individual.  There is zero good that can come from that.  And I have learned that the only person that I can control is myself.  I am not looking for apologies, answers, or even acknowledgment.  I am simply taking care of my own mental health by writing this very painful post out, and continuing to heal with purpose.

Are you a part of the #sexpositive community? Do you love podcasts and behind the scenes content? Check out my Patreon to have special access to all of the above!