Tag: COVID-19

New Outlook for Non-Monogamy

    K Ghislaine
New outlook for Non-monogamy

On March 30th 2020, I wrote Put Non-Monogamy on Hold, and yes, I did say please for any of you who missed it.  We are nearly 2 months to the day from that plea, and as you are all probably aware there just seems to be no end in sight of this uncertainty.  Sadly, this is an emotion that I have been living with for far longer than this pandemic due to some douche-nozzle in my past, which I only bring up, because after 4 years of dealing with pending doom lurking over my every move, I have some experience with what we are likely feeling today. And that is why, we need a new outlook for non-monogamy.

When this pandemic started, the amazing non-monogamous community rallied on my Twitter feed, giving hope and promise a pot of gold at the end of isolation.  We all spoke about the crazy, wild party that would happen when all of this was over, and things would go back to normal.  A few of us made plans to meet up, and sent our well meaning wishes throughout this global community, inspiring a feeling of “this is only temporary”, and “small pains for big gains”.  I for one, was eagerly awaiting that drunken beer fest that I was sure would occur on a date in the very near future. And I made the decision to not partake in any virtual parties, with the hope that it wouldn’t be necessary to meet people that way, but… I may have been optimistic.

I don’t want you to stop reading thinking that this post is going to be a doom and gloom explanation of my vision for our new dystopian future.  That is not where I am heading with this.  Instead, I am offering something different, incremental hope rather than the biggest orgie we have ever seen.  As it turns out, the bubble burst without us even knowing it, and quite frankly, it will never look the same again.  Non-monogamy and large gatherings will be fractured, for at least a generation. There is no longer an all-encompassing goal, where we all put our differences aside, and come together (pun intended). 

Instead, we must celebrate and embrace smaller interactions.  More intimate settings, and learn to talk not only about safe sex, but also about safe social interactions.   And yes, this will have to happen long after a vaccine is discovered.  Why? Because there are people who are elderly, immune compromised, and youth with whom we globally have to protect. And unfortunately there are anti-vaccers, and an alarming amount of people who see this as no different than a flu, and are actively working to ensure this sticks around for a hell of a lot longer than it needs to. As a result, we are stuck in this new reality.  Our lives must change.  There is no going back to normal, and thinking that will leave you disappointed at the very least. 

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And I don’t want to be the one to let you down.  instead, I want to inspire hope, and share my vision of our non-monogamous community that becomes stronger, safer, and…. Sexier! Very slowly, I believe small pairings and sexy gatherings will start popping up.  These intimate settings will be vetted, and I hope will include not only condoms, and lube, but also a general health check.  Which, if I am being honest, I wish had always been happening.  No one wants to spend the last day of a sexy weekend battling a cold, flu, or something worse instead of basking in that orgasmic afterglow.  And let us be completely honest, if you are keeping your lifestyle activities on the down low, it is going to be tough to explain that you need to isolate for 14 days after what was supposed to be just a weekend in the mountains secluded with your wife, because someone was positive for COVID-19.

So club owners, app designers, and anyone who wants to host a sexy gathering, keep it simple, and mandate a health check along with a recommendation for safe sex or STI/STD verification.  Protect the community, not only yourselves.  It’s a subtle shift, but I think one that we are better equipped for than the vanilla community.  We have an opportunity to lead by example and set the new normal, while having an incredibly sexy time in the process.  In short, let us all work towards small bubbles.  More intimate settings with heightened screening and health checks, along with following the guidelines of your particular location (2 meters apart, masks, or using an app for location verification).  If we do this, we can slowly embrace the new non-monogamy and the exploration I know I so desperately miss in a safer way. 

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Depression, Isolation, and Social Shaming

    K Ghislaine

Bullying in the Wake of COVID-19

Depression and Isolation

We are supposed to be living in a time where we are trying to end the stigma around mental health issues and yet, everywhere I look, there is something tragic going on, social shaming. As of right now, there is a rallying cry for people to stay home, isolate, and immediately end the spread of COVID-19.  We are at the critical containment phase, based on our best scientific information.  The current directive is to self quarantine for 14 days if you have any symptoms, and to seek medical assistance if your health gets worse.  But with that directive, something else is bubbling up.  People on social media are starting to panic, get incredibly passionate, and emotional about the current events.  And sadly, this is leading to actual bullying and social shaming of all of those who are socializing in public spaces.  And for me, it is difficult to watch.  Why? Because I have a very close connection to depression, and part of what keeps this at bay is socialization. 

Hanging out with friends, going out into the sunshine, and interacting with strangers is all part of my house holds mental health regime.  Whenever we are feeling low, the boost that comes from getting out of the house is enormous.  In fact, it is necessary for both of us to ensue that we keep a clean bill of health.  And yes, I know what you are going to say, that we are selfish.  That the only way to stop the spread of this virus is to just stay home.  That it is only for 14 days. But at what cost is this to individuals around the world who are social extroverts and need human interaction?

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I recognize this is a complicated matter.  And no, I am not saying I have all the answers, or even that my opinion is valid in the grand scheme of containment.  But, I am very much attached to the humans in my household.  And I fully believe that small bars, breweries, and pubs are doing everything they can to sanitize their facilities and try to keep their patrons safe.  And this is why, I will, for the time being continue to support their businesses.  And no, I am not doing this to be selfish, or with a blind eye to the pandemic we are facing. 

I am doing this because my mental health matters too.  We cannot just pick and choose which parts of ourselves we are willing to protect or keep safe.  We need to understand that we are whole human beings, and with an increase of depression, or increased stress levels, the science does back up the fact that we become more susceptible to disease and infections.  Perhaps not with corona virus, and I doubt there will be any time in the rampant spread to conduct studies about this, and nor am I asking any doctor to spend any time investigating this. It is far more important to try and find a cure, vaccine, and to treat all the individuals currently facing this incredibly fast moving infection. 

COVID-19 is spreading.  And it is spreading at an alarming rate.  But please, understand that there is new information coming out hourly about it.  So please, stop bullying or social shaming those who absolutely have to get out of the house.  Let those who require socialization to remain calm in the wake of this panic do what they need to do.  Isolation is hard on all of us, but, it can be life or death for those with depression.  Do not waste a minute more shaming or judging others.  Instead, concern your efforts on protecting yourself and your family.  And for goodness sake, wash your hands, and stop hoarding toilet paper!

Edit: After writing this post, and really listening to the information out there, and all you kind readers who took the time to say I was right out on left field… thank you. Sometimes I blog to work through something, vent my frustrations, or just simply voice an opinion that I may change with more information. And with that additional research and information I was able able to write a positive resource on Non-monogamy in Isolation that I hope helps us all!

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