Tag: dating

Wait?! Falling in Love is Real?

    K Ghislaine
First bouquet of flowers

I have worked my butt off to be great when it comes to relationships.  I even wrote a post touting all the books that helped shape who I am as a person, and why I communicate the way I do.  Wonderful!  I have done extensive writing, journaling, and research into chasing butterflies, and dealing with aftershocks and all the fun moments in time that I have experienced over the years.  Amazing.  Yay me!  Then I went a step farther and read a book called “Why We Love” by Dr. Anna Machin.  Even better, now I could add to my resume, the scientific knowledge behind why love is so important to how we socialize as humans.  Our basic survival actually depends on it.  Again, Wow!  My pragmatic and rational side really came through for me, but wait, never once did I talk about falling in love. 

Why? Because honestly, that just wasn’t something I factored into the equation. In fact, I think I had been so jaded about the whole finding someone to spend time with, I forgot that part even existed.  And that’s not entirely my fault, well, maybe it is. I know I fell in love with my ex fiance.  But, honestly, I can’t remember what that felt like.  Sure it was a long time ago, but also, pretty much everything in my life was going on. I met him at the tender age of 17, when we were both in university, and we just fell into stride with one another. Experiencing pretty much every first in tandem, builds something pretty unique, but, honestly, nothing all that memorable.

Then there was my next long term partnership, which was pretty much non-stop adventure.  And love, just wasn’t logical in the sense of anything I had experienced before. And because that is such a tough one to explain, I am almost finished writing an entire book on it.  One thing I don’t think I touched on in it, and maybe I should add it to the summary is how we came to the conclusion of love.  I think I said it about 6 months into the relationship, and I believe he said it back about 6 months after that.  It was slow as molasses.  And it wasn’t the experience of falling in love.  It was more of an inevitability that grew into a partnership.

Here I sit though, realizing that I am falling head over heels for someone pretty incredible. I actually am experiencing the whooshing of falling feeling, and the holy shit this is moving way to fast, but… I don’t want to stop or catch my breath.  The whole desire to spend every waking moment with him is so supremely real that I cannot help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. And yet, we are both so happy, ready for this, and open to seeing where this goes.  The idea that your person is out there, you can actually talk about everything and your bodies fit together in magical perfection? Brain is exploding here. I’m 39, and I am experiencing firsthand the concept of falling in love, and redundant or not, I love it.

Thank you to everyone who has helped the book writing process by fuelling me with beer via my Patreon!

Organically Finding that Person…

    K Ghislaine

Last summer, I had this strange premonition that I would be with someone that I already knew.  It was honestly one of those moments that just shook me to my core.  I don’t get these feelings very often, but, when I do, I try my best to listen. Part of the reason this moment seemed to make sense to me, is due to me really wanting to meet someone that I was friends with first.  There is just something about having that friendship as a foundation that has made sense to me for a long time.  And my last two serious relationships did not have that as a start, so I figured trying something new wouldn’t hurt, hence organically finding that person.

The thing about that was now, I had to figure out this puzzle of my own design; who was this mystery person? Did this person actually exists or was my gut instinct just playing games? Well, if you’ve been reading my saga over the past few years, my life has been a flourish of heartbreak, ghosting, soul searching, and just finally becoming comfortable living solo.  I have honestly built up the strongest friendship circle of my life, with simply solid individuals that I adore. There is no person that I wouldn’t feel comfortable introducing to anyone else, even with all of our differences, which is a pretty big achievement. 

With that being said, I also took a bit of a leap of faith in the late spring and shut down every single online dating site I was a part of.  I figured that my best shot at finding a person to click with, was via the organic route.  As luck would have it, I ended up making some, shall we call it missed connections?  People from my past that timing wasn’t quite right, and on and on. Trial and mostly error!  Haha!  Any who, nothing was quite ticking all the boxes.  If the sex was good, they simply weren’t all in. Or if the physical was OK, the conversation was outstanding, so I tried a little too hard to keep that going, and well I could go on and on (truthfully the list makes it sound like there were far more connections than there were, and nothing could be farther from the truth as this is a summary of what has spanned a few years).  This didn’t really deter me, because with so much time spent dating on the non-monogamous side of things, I was aware of the distinct possibility that it would take a few men to really complete me. So I forged ahead.

Slowly, though, I had been taking the time to really journal and be honest with myself.  I am a better and stronger person in a relationship.  I really flourish in a partnership.  And that is nothing to beat myself up over, or to feel this strange weakness about. I like being there for someone, and having them there for me.  Of course, I am emotionally strong and conditioned to pretty much handle everything that gets thrown my way, but I want someone to cuddle, to be vulnerable with, and all that jazz. Yes, these are real moments I put down on paper. Identifying who I am/was/will be.

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I have put myself out there, emotionally, a lot!  I cannot understate how many times I have just gone for something, only to have the door slammed in my face, or simply disappear.  The surprising thing to me, is that instead of this hardening me, it’s actually given me a bit of confidence to keep being authentic and vulnerable.  Why?  The simple fact is I like being that person. Yes, I am not a person to be messed with, and I take very very little shit.  But, that’s not anything I need to work on or improve.  That is a large part of who I am.  But I like being able to share the sensitive side of me, without having to explain how tough I am as a check and balance.

Anyways, maybe you can relate to where I am coming from right now, or perhaps you felt something similar when those stars just aligned for you in meeting your spouse, or your bestie of besties, or really a person that just fits you.  I see the universe spiralling someone closer and closer to me, and to say I am excited would be an understatement.  And this has been completely organic, and someone that I have known for a while, and have been creating a pretty solid friendship with. Let us see where this chapter leads shall we?

Thank you everyone for the birthday beers last month! There is bunch of behind the scenes planned on my patreon for my sex positive challenge going on over on twitter. Hope to see you there!

Boy Free Zone… ?!?

    K Ghislaine
Boy Free Zone

It’s been 2 months of living solo, and whether by design, necessity, or circumstance, my new place has turned into a boy free zone. And I am not quite sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, having a place where not one man has my address is completely freeing. And thus, it has become my sanctuary.  On the other hand, it’s tough to know for sure if this is due to me just not feeling anyone is worthy of coming over, or if I’ve just been holding out for that one special person. If you had asked me 5 years ago if I even thought there was just one special person, I would have said hell no!  We can have multiple, and thus, by extension, I should by now, have given my address to multiple men, living wildly in my free and single youth-ish? Yet, here I sit, in my boy free zone.

I’ve written a few times in my Medium articles about this idea that any relationship is valid, so long as you and your partner choose it.  And this, this is the relationship I want.  One that works for my partner and I.  One that we come up with together, suits our lifestyles, and brings both of us the highest possible level of joy. First though, I have to find that partner.  Wait… am I even doing this right?  Is this even a thing?  Am I once again, out on an ideological limb, forging a path in the most dense forest I can possibly find?

Now though, I am just not sure what I want in a long term relationship.  I know, for my regular readers you’ve seen my back and forth over the past few years, with my uncertainty becoming more and more prominent. And of course I know that that is not the way I am supposed to do things. As time goes on, I am supposed to gain clarity and a sense of what I want. But… and here is the big but… I am stuck with the idea that I must first discover who I want.  And that, will lead me to discover what type of relationship I will want to forge.

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Yeah, probably.  Because that seems to be what I do best.  Get an idea, then just run with it, headstrong and fancy free?!?  So, again that brings me to this whole “no boys allowed” thing. If I want a partner, and I want to forge my own path, why I am being so protective about my space?  Why am I not allowing boys to come on over?  Again, I find myself with more questions than answers, clinging to this hope that this will all work out for me.  It must, right?!?!

I have a year lease, so I hope that at some point over the next year, I get to write about actually having my first boy over!  Cause that would be pretty spectacular!  But, with my luck lately, I should probably not try and get too far ahead of myself.  Baby steps.  One little plan at a time.  For now, boy free is working, or I have just accepted that it is what it is. I do hope that special soul is out there, wanting to be the first one invited.  But my life continues to remain weird.

Beer money can be given to yours truly via my Patreon! And yes, there is a behind the scenes photo from this blog post on there… 🙂

Aftershocks, Butterflies, and NRE: A Deeper Dive

    K Ghislaine
Musing about Aftershocks

Ok, let us delve a little deeper into this whole aftershock conversation.  One of the most surprising things to be brought up, is the correlation between aftershocks and NRE (new relationship energy). Now this is a fascinating rabbit hole that I am eager to go down.  I personally have always equated NRE with the butterflies and have written a few articles on how I adore chasing butterflies.  In fact, that is precisely what made non-monogamy so appealing to me. The idea of being in a solid relationship and not having to shut off the possibilities of experiencing butterflies with new people.

But what if what I was describing with sexual aftershocks has some sort of correlation with NRE?  Butterflies and NRE for me, have been this sheer blissful, shocking, happiness wave of new excitement.  Whereas with the aftershocks, it is entirely sexual in nature and is basically like little reminiscent orgasms when I experience a memory.  And the memory could be as far back as with my first relationship, or first time masturbating with a new toy, or the like. They are random and unexpected body sparking orgasmic memories. And yes, often it overlaps with NRE, or the butterflies, but I’m not positive that this is a correlation vs causation scenario.  It feels different to me somehow.

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I get the butterfly feeling when I flirt, or see a cute face (or butt). But, cannot get that aftershock feeling unless there has been a physical connection. It’s like the release of stored or shared energy.   Haha… I’m really trying to explain this, and all I am doing is turning myself on!  I of course, want everything.  The sex, the aftershocks, the butterflies, and the NRE.  Yes, please universe, yes please!

Now, these are only my thoughts, based on my experience. Maybe I’m overlooking something. I really want to hear from you, and your thoughts. Where do you fall on this?  Have you had aftershocks? What is the experience like for you? Do you know any resources that discuss this? Let’s talk about this! 

If you want to support this blog, or check out the behind the scenes content, check out my Patreon!

Another New Year is Upon Us

    K Ghislaine
30 Day Yoga Challenge

I went into the New Year with a strange optimism that things simply had to be better than they were last year. My actual New Years Eve was incredible, and if I’m honest, came as a complete surprise (no pun intended). And thus, I felt a confidence that this, in fact would be my best year yet.  Sitting here, 2 weeks in, I am not quite sure how I am feeling about anything.

One of my friends aptly pointed out that there is still plenty of time for the year to be an incredible turning point for us, and perhaps there is “just a bit of rubble and debris to clear away first!”.  I’m not sure quite how I ended up with such wise and amazing friends, but here I sit, re-reading that text over and over. Clearing out the remnants of last year, is so visceral and quite frankly a perfect way of describing this weird place I find myself in.

My solo Christmas was my time to fall back in love with my book. And I am proud to say that I am on draft 3!  It’s an accomplishment that I am so incredibly proud of, and yet, it is still so challenging to read, edit, and feel all the things that experienced in my last relationship. It just hasn’t gotten easier.  And I find myself inexplicably raw, and caught up in … just the feelings of it all.  Enter in my New Years commitment to Yoga and stretching as a daily practice.

I am committed to doing the 30 day yoga challenge, with the ultimate goal of having yoga just be my daily norm. There would be weeks at a time last year, where I was just too drained, busy, or unmotivated to move my body.  2022 has really been my year to change that. While there was one day, I did not complete my practice due to a complete emotional breakdown, I still put in a solid effort to do most of it. I don’t think I even came close to having this great a track record at any point of physical activity in the past.  After about 5 days in a row, my motivation wanes, or I tell myself that I deserve to take that break. Which, often turns into a cycle, and rarely is just one day off. 

Shockingly, to me anyways, I have written almost every day since just before Christmas. While, my publications have been a little less active, there is so much in the works, behind the scenes that I was actually a little shocked to see the date of my last blog post.  A Canadian sorry to all of those who have been waiting for updates on my life! Haha.  This year will be a continuation of growth, learning, and ultimately, completing some incredibly intense projects that I have on the go. My hopes of course are that my love life will finally come into fruition, but… if I’ve learned anything from last year, forcing anything is just not my reality.  All I can do is try, be authentic, and allow my heart to do what it does best (any guesses what that is?).

So to all of you, I truly hope you ended 2021 in good health, spirits, and with a optimistic outlook for 2022.  If we all work together, we can learn from past mistakes, and work towards a brighter, more amazing future!  Sending warm thoughts, and well wishes to all!

Cheers,

Krys

For all my writing updates, posts, behind the scenes photo’s, or just to keep the beer flowing, please check out my Patreon BreakingAway