Hope: It Excites the Fantasies

Hope and Fantasies

Being in a good dating state of mind is the foundation of my non-monogamous dating and relationship coaching.  And if you have been following along in the last few years, you may have noticed that I took a step back when it came to dating, because I recognized that I was in a bad state of mind.  I had lost something very dear to me, and that was hope.  And as a result, I took a step back, and focused on healing, and basically tackling only those things that were already within my grasp.  I took the time to rebuild my own confidence, and sort a few things out.  In essence, I put myself into survival mode.  And then, with the help of therapy, an incredible network of friends, and my partner I slowly found my inner strength again.

But when I had just accepted that this was my life now, something miraculous happened, I found a glimmer of hope.  Without realizing it, that had been what I stopped believing in.  I shut the part of me down that was the eternal optimist, and just lived for the few moments that fueled me.  Slowly those moments grew into hours, then a full day, and then a few days at a time.  And suddenly, I felt my confidence and power come back.  It wasn’t the goal.  But it was a delightful result.  And, as an added bonus, my sexual fantasies, and erotic imagination are starting to rebuild as well.

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Over the past few years, I have started dabbling in erotica writing, and honestly, it was a muscle that felt incredible to finally put down on paper.  But it always felt a little out of my grasp.  If inspiration struck, I would have to drop everything and write that specific fantasy down.  It was not something that I had any control over.  And what’s worse, is that the fantasies, were so far beyond what I had experienced in person that they actually made me a little sad.  Here were sexy interludes, crisscrossing my brain, but fully intangible.  And yes, I know that many erotica writers are primarily doing so in the fiction realm, but what I wanted to write, I also want as a real part of my life.  And well, without hope, I buried that, deep into the depths of my imagination. 

I actually did something that I learned as a very young girl, and that was to compartmentalize.  But here I sit, with a growing clarity and a slowing re-merging confidence realizing that these fantasies could become realities.  And if I was brave enough to take some action… wow!  Would I ever be in for some fun times and sexy adventures.  I am flushed just thinking of the possibilities.  Of putting down the guard that always says no, until I have weighed out all the pros and cons, and just opening up, a little bit more than I have in the past. 

And finally, just writing this post, my brain has been awash with a few percolating fantasies.  While the majority will simply exist on paper, there are a few that I might try and make reality.  And that is both terrifying and deeply erotic.  It is a place I want to grow more comfortable with exploring, and all of that was made possible by the tiny little word… hope.

If you’re curious what fantasies I am working on, check out my Patreon page for the latest!

Flexing My Erotic and Fantasy Writing Muscles

Breaking Away After Dark

If you read my post about nudity in nature, you should be up to speed on how stressful and intense my life has been.  With that said, as I am coming back to balance in my life, and am better equipped to handle the day to day stresses, something sexy and surprising awoke in me.  And that was a little fiction erotic fantasy writing.  It’s a genre of work that I have never even allowed my brain to think about, or at least nothing beyond a paragraph or two.  I love non-fiction and it’s primarily what I read and write, but as it turns out, dabbling in the creative has been incredibly cathartic for me, and my libido too.

There is something so sexy and freeing about allowing your brain to fantasize about a new situation, and then actually putting that fantasy into the written word.  It takes on a whole new shape and form, and then screams out to me to just let go and experience it.  The first 2 pieces felt like they were already fully formed in my brain and desperately needed to get out.  While the third one, felt more like I was creating it on the spot, in the heat of an incredible moment while I was alone, typing in the woods. 

As I type this post, I feel drawn to typing more erotic shorts, and it’s like there is this intense creative and sexual tension in me, just bursting to get out.  I am not sure where this type of writing will lead me, but I am very excited to explore it.  I will leave you with a public excerpt of the first one I wrote, and put the rest under my Patreon for the time being.  Again, this is a brand new medium for me, and I hope you enjoy exploring it as much as I do.  I have no idea what frequency I will be typing them out, but if you’re interested in this type of writing and want to have something drafted up that is a little more personal to you, drop me a line, and we can talk about it further.

I hope you enjoy this little tease from Breaking Away After Dark…

Longing

Here we sit across from each other, in the sunshine of a busy patio.  Beers in hand, smiles, and a conversational flow that most people envy.  Our legs nearly touch under the table.  I can feel the warmth of that not quite innocent knee touch, and my face flushes at the thought.  We are so close, surrounded by strangers, who know nothing of our situation.  We laugh, chide each other on, sipping our beer just a little too fast.  And then, I make a move.  The first move since that incredibly drunken night of flirtatious delight.  I reach across and touch your arm as I go for my beer.  You don’t pull away. 

Instead you lock eyes, and smile that devilishly crooked smile.  I flush deeper this time.  Shocked at my brazenness, and relieved that you didn’t pull away. 

But now what comes next?  For you see, I know that you are married, and you know that I am in an open relationship.  We have discussed where we are, but not where we are going.  Are we to remain locked forever in this flirtatious tease?  I playfully touch, and you remain confident and steadfast.  You are certain I won’t cross any lines.  You trust me.  And I sigh. That deep longing sigh, that is almost audible to the patrons around us…. 

To read the rest of part i of my non-monogamous fantasy, please check out my Patreon.

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