I am standing on the verge of something that feels completely out of my control, and yet, I know I am responsible for putting everything that is about to happen in motion. I worked so hard to throw every single ball I could into the air and get things started for me in my personal and career world, I didn’t stop to consider what may happen if I caught more than one of those balls. Or worse, if I caught none of them. So to put it more plainly, I am Breaking Away from the comfort I knew, and forging my own way!
I have always believed that the universe starts aligning when you are on the right track. That you run into more people that you have connections with, that serendipity starts to strike with increased frequency, and just generally, better things start to happen. I feel that right now. The balance is being restored because I am taking control of my future. The problem inherent in this, is I might have taken a little too much control of that future. So much so, that I am not entirely sure, which of my decisions has begun the domino effect of this shift. Which is both exciting, and scary.
2018 was a very bleak year for me financially, and personally. 2019 did not start any better. But here, I find myself seeing some return on the work I have put into not only myself, but my relationship, and recreating a social network of incredible human beings. I feel a growing confidence to be my authentic self. To put myself out there in a way, I never have before, by that I mean in the real world, and not just on paper. The nagging fear that I will end up alone, and with nothing is still there. But that voice is getting a little softer with each passing day.
It feels like I am getting my strength back. That I am less consumed by the what ifs, and more cognizant of the reality that I will survive whatever I am to face. Well, of course with the exception of being hit by a bus. I built up a brand, and am starting a career out of nothing but my experiences. That is real, and it grows more tangible by the day. While there is so much uncertainty in my current relationship, I am for the first time in months feeling hopeful. Not in certainty that we will be together forever as I felt before, but rather, that we will both be where we need to be this time next year. If you love something, set it free. While many who know me on a personal level may guess at who this refers to, you will be surprised to find out, it’s actually about me. I am setting myself free to pursue what and who I want on my terms. I may come home empty handed, but I won’t regret this time of self learning, discovery, and finding a way to pursue some pretty intense dreams of my own.
I share this in my Breaking away from monogamy blog because I have an amazing support network through you my readers and all those that I love. I have given a lot of thought to term that I feel is starting to fit my life, and that is having a fluid relationship. While I don’t like labels per se, I am finding comfort in a term that can grow and evolve with me, my lifestyle, and my relationships. As I am about to turn 36, I am eager to start exploring a more fluid dynamic in my life. Breaking away from the regret of not jumping through the right hoops. And instead cherishing what I have accomplished, while not lamenting what I have lost or was just unable to achieve. I like many, hate admitting failure. And these past few years, I have had to come to terms with a lot of my own failures and shortcomings. But here is to new beginnings, a more realistic outlook for the future, and the certainty that I am putting out my best self for all the sexy new adventures life will be throwing my way!
Did you know it is my birthday this month? My wish list is simple and short… Beer! Ok, it is actually for a new microphone so I can start up my sex positive podcast again. If you would like to help, please head on over to my Patreon page. You can subscribe for a day, week, or even a month at whatever tier you choose (all the rewards are listed on my page)!