Dating Outside of the Non-Monogamous World

Homage to Elmer Fudd: The Hunt is on…

I recently made a choice, for better or for worse remains to be seen, but it’s this, to start looking for people outside of the non-monogamous community to date. It was/is not an easy decision, and one that I know is going to bring with it challenges far beyond what I can even imagine. The thing is though, it is the only logical thing to do. I am not happy with the people I have met from the non-monogamous dating sites (to be clear dating site are not the same as online communities). I know saying that is going to ruffle some feathers, but my whole premise of being open and honest right from the get go, has bit my ass far too many times. In fact, it has done nothing but, and I am just over it. Not one success story going alone? Just read A Few Almost Dating Stories for example.  Ok, fool me once, but now it’s time to try something new, dating outside of non-monogamy.

When I met my now ex, I was monogamous. He opened my eyes to a relationship norm that I never knew existed and I found my place in the world, eventually… haha! That gives me hope that there is someone out there, or multiple someone’s that the same can be true. I feel guilty at moments, and right now, I am putting myself through sexual hell by not sleeping with this guy until we have a big chat (OK, that was the plan anyways, but again, future post!). Which if I’m being honest may not be something I ever do again.  But, this is attempt one, at getting back into being an amazing flirt, and allowing someone to fall for me, and not my relationship status. Does that make any sense?

Betty’s Toy Box (affiliate link)

My horror stories with being sexualized, fetishized, and all the things from non-monogamous (or pretending to be non-monogamous people) over the past few years tells me one thing… I want more from a relationship! I want to be cared and cherished for more than just the idea that we don’t have to be monogamous. I want to be the booty that someone craves, for at least a little while. You know, just craving each other, again and again. Really getting to know each other without distractions, building a foundation, before opening up. Wait, does this mean I am finally ready to admit that I want to do non-monogamy my way?

If you had asked me 5 years ago if I would ever date a newbie, I would have said hell no. I wasn’t ready to do so, and I wasn’t confident enough to communicate, teach, or guide another human being through what is an often intense range of experiences. Now I can say now that I am no longer that beginner. I teach (often through my mistakes), I guide (after calm reflection on Medium), and I am shocked that the outcome of this is how excited I am to see someone’s eyes open for the first time. Obviously, consent is paramount here. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but, this is something I am ready to experience. And it feels … right somehow. In the way that, I know I won’t get what I want doing what I have been doing. And from my own experience I know that if you’re introduced to non-monogamy in the right way, a safe and supportive way, it can be incredible.

No post would be complete without a huge shout-out to everyone who bought me beers last week through Patreon. I have been in a writer’s creative bliss, and it is in part due to having some delicious creative juices.  Thank you!

Random Guy VS Me

AKA Trying to Date While Writing a Blog About Non-Monogamy

Serenity NOW!!!

The following is a real interaction I had with a guy who randomly messaged me on an online dating site, after reading my blog (I assume the title only).  Did I push his buttons a little? Yup. Did I change anything in this conversation? Only the part where I called him out for a mutual hobby of ours (which I did to protect his identity). Why am I sharing a blog post like this? Because I am tired of people not believing me when I say online dating is horrific. And, men want my horror stories all the time, so this will also save me a little breath.

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Random:

Breaking away from monogamy ? . . . . . Careful that you don’t catch a Sexually Transmitted Disease.

Me:

Cool story bro. Thanks!

Random:

To each his own. . . . I think sex is so much better, and so much more intimate, under a committed exclusive relationship. . . But, to each his own.

Me:

Wow…. again, thanks for the unsolicited opinion!

Random:

Good luck to you.

Me:

Ahhh,… you’re christian. That explains you thinking you are entitled to judge complete strangers who have done NOTHING to you.

Random:

You’re a hypocrite. . . . That is what you are doing. . . I simply stated facts. . . When you have multiple partners who themselves have multiple partners, you are highly likely to contract a Sexually Transmitted Disease . . . . This is a general FACT. . . . .NOT OPINION. . . . Also, sex is a very personal and intimate act. . . . If you are someone who commits that very personal and intimate act with multiple people, it shows that you do not regard sex as a very personal and intimate act, but instead are carelessly feeding your insatiable appetite for lust. . . . It also shows that you don’t know what Love is, and are very likely a cold hearted person who shares her body with anyone.

Me:

I feel so sorry for you and your archaic ideas.

Random:

And yes, I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. . . . Yes, I do believe that He shed His innocent blood for all of humanity, that we all may be saved from our sins, (which include insatiable appetites for porn and sex), and have personal loving relationship with the Creator.

Random:

We’re all going to die sweetie. . . . You’re going to face your Creator one day. . . . I just hope that when that time comes, you’re a believer, that you will face Him as a believer, and not as a condemned sinner. Those men, they don’t love you. . . . They’re just using you.

Me:

Awe… Again, my sympathies. I really do feel sad for you.

Random:

I’ll pray for you. . . . . Be careful. . . . STDs are real.

Me:

Thanks, I can always use a little extra positive energy focused my way!

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Thank you all for reading my little tale, and for the record, I did block him. So, this will be the end of our interaction. Onwards and upwards to better people and more interesting stories, because my goodness that was a painful one! Now back to the Sex Positive for 31 Days challenge and posting fun content on my Patreon!!!