Struggling with Bi-Curious Curiosity

Clarity from Yoga

I really want to start talking about being bi-curious and non-monogamous a bit more, but I am struggling to do so.  Why is that?  Two-fold.  I am not prepared for the creepy backlash, and I am terrified of kissing a girl and not liking it.  What if the fantasy doesn’t meet up to the expectation?  Then what?  Am I now one of those women who became a cock tease (or the equivalent non gender specific)?  And what if I do like it? Am I suddenly expected to hook every partner up with threesomes?  Is my intimacy now on public display?  It is overwhelming all the cons, and basically, it is because of how men have conditioned me.  And I take full responsibility for that, I am an adult after all.  But any sort of female exploration has always come with “can I watch?”  “Can you bring her home” “this can be our treat” or any other exploitative things I have heard over my many sexual years.  Why the fuck would my exploration have to include anyone else?  And further, why do men constantly ask the most invasive questions?  Do they not know how it makes us feel, how it makes me feel?  How it destroys us, little by little?

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No, they don’t.  Because we don’t tell them.  And if by the off chance we have had enough, and do, then we are bitches and worse.  Men and women struggle to communicate because men push too hard, and women fold too often.  But I digress, with all the cons, there is a real struggle, in that, I don’t know if I am ready to go on a date with a woman.  What can I offer her?  My confusion?  My trepidation?  My insecurities?  I know first hand that that is not attractive!  And it does not lend well to small talk, necessary to going out on that first date.  Women are bolder online than they are in person (huge generalization but based on personal experience).  A female will ask straight up, what are your intentions online.  And I balk at my answer, of, I don’t have a clue.  I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, but I also want to get out there and see.

Will writing this post get me out there?  I have no clue.  Has it helped me solidify what I want?  Not even close.  This was simply putting out into the universe that I am currently confused.  I am searching for something, but don’t quite know what that is.  I love the idea of dating couples with my partner, but the reality is that is lacking right now.  So, do I venture out there, alone?  I ponder this, as I slowly sip my beer and write more erotica than ever before…

Wanna see the behind the scenes photo’s from this post? Check out my gallery!

Flexing My Erotic and Fantasy Writing Muscles

Breaking Away After Dark

If you read my post about nudity in nature, you should be up to speed on how stressful and intense my life has been.  With that said, as I am coming back to balance in my life, and am better equipped to handle the day to day stresses, something sexy and surprising awoke in me.  And that was a little fiction erotic fantasy writing.  It’s a genre of work that I have never even allowed my brain to think about, or at least nothing beyond a paragraph or two.  I love non-fiction and it’s primarily what I read and write, but as it turns out, dabbling in the creative has been incredibly cathartic for me, and my libido too.

There is something so sexy and freeing about allowing your brain to fantasize about a new situation, and then actually putting that fantasy into the written word.  It takes on a whole new shape and form, and then screams out to me to just let go and experience it.  The first 2 pieces felt like they were already fully formed in my brain and desperately needed to get out.  While the third one, felt more like I was creating it on the spot, in the heat of an incredible moment while I was alone, typing in the woods. 

As I type this post, I feel drawn to typing more erotic shorts, and it’s like there is this intense creative and sexual tension in me, just bursting to get out.  I am not sure where this type of writing will lead me, but I am very excited to explore it.  I will leave you with a public excerpt of the first one I wrote, and put the rest under my Patreon for the time being.  Again, this is a brand new medium for me, and I hope you enjoy exploring it as much as I do.  I have no idea what frequency I will be typing them out, but if you’re interested in this type of writing and want to have something drafted up that is a little more personal to you, drop me a line, and we can talk about it further.

I hope you enjoy this little tease from Breaking Away After Dark…

Longing

Here we sit across from each other, in the sunshine of a busy patio.  Beers in hand, smiles, and a conversational flow that most people envy.  Our legs nearly touch under the table.  I can feel the warmth of that not quite innocent knee touch, and my face flushes at the thought.  We are so close, surrounded by strangers, who know nothing of our situation.  We laugh, chide each other on, sipping our beer just a little too fast.  And then, I make a move.  The first move since that incredibly drunken night of flirtatious delight.  I reach across and touch your arm as I go for my beer.  You don’t pull away. 

Instead you lock eyes, and smile that devilishly crooked smile.  I flush deeper this time.  Shocked at my brazenness, and relieved that you didn’t pull away. 

But now what comes next?  For you see, I know that you are married, and you know that I am in an open relationship.  We have discussed where we are, but not where we are going.  Are we to remain locked forever in this flirtatious tease?  I playfully touch, and you remain confident and steadfast.  You are certain I won’t cross any lines.  You trust me.  And I sigh. That deep longing sigh, that is almost audible to the patrons around us…. 

To read the rest of part i of my non-monogamous fantasy, please check out my Patreon.