Tag: NRE

It’s Time for Yet Another Birthday…

    K Ghislaine

AKA The Dreaded 39

Birthdays, Beer, and Bowser!

Next week, I’m turning the dreaded 39. It is not that I am afraid or uncomfortable about getting older, I just don’t enjoy this particular number. Odd numbers are just more difficult for me in general, but this one, it just hits harder for some reason.  In my mind 39 feels ugly, if that makes any sense.  Which truly is odd because it is one of the more interesting numbers to turn from a mathematical perspective will all the divisible delights. I should be more OK with it than I am.  And yet, here I sit, quite puzzled by where I am at in the grand scheme of things.

My book, is in its finally stages.  I am currently experiencing NRE (New Relationship Energy) like I have NEVER experienced before.  And I have experienced more days than not in the past few months whereby I feel like the best version of myself. All in all, I am happy with my present, and optimistic about my future.  The hard work I have put into pretty much everything is finally showing me a little bit of a return for investment. But again… why reach this place when turning 39???

Last year, I wrote about my 38th birthday in: 38 My Year of the Flamingo | Breaking Away from Monogamy and it really was.  I begrudgingly accepted being single, and put my effort into accomplishing my goals.  Embracing my awkward flamingo self helped me laugh off the many, many, many, moments of self doubt, loneliness, and outright failures.  I can honestly say that while I embraced being that lone entity standing in the middle of water, it was a very slow process for me to open my eyes to those who were around me.  There were definitely a few cuts that were made, but surprisingly more often than not, I started to really feel honest gratitude towards those who I found myself standing close to.  While we all have our own unique paths, my flock is incredibly amazing, and over the last year, I have taken the time to seriously reflect on how and why that happened.

It turns out that it wasn’t by chance.  I realized, that I have been putting direct, and clear messaging out into the universe about who I wanted in my life. This, has been a major turning point for me, because my previous experiences taught me that self-preservation was made possible only by recognizing what I didn’t want.  I didn’t feel brave or confident enough to just ask for what I did want.  I am humbled by the realization that being clear and communicative with both myself and those around me, is working.

The word working, doesn’t quite convey the sentiment, but, it’s a starting point, and I think reflects what I really feel in this moment. I don’t want to get too excited, because with the book especially, there is still a long and arduous journey to go.  And although difficult, I’m being fed on more than just hopes and dreams right now.  I am actually feeling re-filled, and energized from entities that are not just self created. 

39 is still a weird number to me.  But, I think I am going to look back and laugh at how strange this number felt, by this time next year.  I’m cautiously optimistic that I have just found something dare I say someone pretty incredible, and that finally finishing my book is going to provide me with… well… something fairly monumental.  And none of this would be made possible without the incredible inner circle that I have in my life right now, and in this moment… I truly love you all!

A heartfelt cheers to all past and present who have bought me birthday beer either in person or via my Patreon! If you haven’t yet, don’t worry, there is always time!

Aftershocks, Energy Flow, and Actually Feeling Re-Filled?

    K Ghislaine
Aftershock Bliss

So, let me continue with my exploration of aftershocks and energy.  In my last piece I aimed to better describe what I was feeling when in comes to my world of aftershocks.  Thankfully, it resonated with a person I was failing to describe it in words to, so yay me!  And now, if you will indulge me for a moment to take it a step forward, and discuss what happens after the aftershocks: the formation of my energy cycle.

In the past, I have been with men who sucked the energy out of me.  Thus, my role was an exhausting endeavour to find new sources of energy for myself, so then I can give it to my loved ones.  Obviously this, is not sustainable, especially long term.  It works for a while because I love feeling needed and wanted, but if for whatever reason that wains (which of course it would), well… it’s a disaster.  Now, as much I try to be aware of this negative energy cycle, I must admit that I am attracted to this feeling of being wanted, and thus, it is difficult for me to actually break.  That being said, I think, I may have just found the thing that may once and for all break my determination to fall headfirst into this pattern, and that is in finding someone who creates an energy flow with me.

I’ve felt snippets in the past, but if I am completely honest, they result from sexual energy alone.  If we are having sex with the frequency of rabbits, then it works well.  But, relationships, and life always seem to get in the way of that being sustainable.  So imagine me being completely unprepared for what I have been experiencing over the past little while.  And that my friends is feeling re-filled by a person, and if I am reading things right, him feeling the same.  It’s like we complete each other? 

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I don’t know if I am getting ahead of myself, and describing something that is more NRE (new relationship energy) rather than something far more.  But this does have all the telltale signals that it’s more than just the new.  We have been friends for many years.  We can talk about pretty much anything and everything.  We enjoy each other’s company.  We both think the world of each other, and can clearly express that.  Oh and the sex is amazing.  We have an intimate chemistry that just seems to work on a level beyond words or direction. That being said, when direction is given it is understood and taken to the absolute next level with enthusiastic gusto. 

Ooph!  I’m a puddle just thinking about that.  Anyways, back on track.  Wait… was there a track?  Or is this it.  Finding an energy loop that works for two people?  With little bolts of aftershocks to fuel you for the moments you are apart?  Is this what people are looking for?  Or the lucky ones having already found?  If this is the relationship secret, then, I am all aboard.  Of course, nothing is perfect, or without problems.  For us, it will be time and space.  Oh, and being very different people, who are inherently stubborn fools.  But… there is something here worth exploring.  Worth every single fantasy.  And absolutely worth the effort on both our parts. 

If I am jumping the gun, and putting this out into the world prematurely, then so be it. I am feeling these intense feelings right now, and they are valid.  Right or wrong, or even if they are felt as strongly by the other side really doesn’t change my excitement, or feeling of sheer bliss right now. And with that, I have started an energy cycle that I hope remains my norm for years to come. Breaking away from being the relationship battery if you will.

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Aftershocks, Butterflies, and NRE: A Deeper Dive

    K Ghislaine
Musing about Aftershocks

Ok, let us delve a little deeper into this whole aftershock conversation.  One of the most surprising things to be brought up, is the correlation between aftershocks and NRE (new relationship energy). Now this is a fascinating rabbit hole that I am eager to go down.  I personally have always equated NRE with the butterflies and have written a few articles on how I adore chasing butterflies.  In fact, that is precisely what made non-monogamy so appealing to me. The idea of being in a solid relationship and not having to shut off the possibilities of experiencing butterflies with new people.

But what if what I was describing with sexual aftershocks has some sort of correlation with NRE?  Butterflies and NRE for me, have been this sheer blissful, shocking, happiness wave of new excitement.  Whereas with the aftershocks, it is entirely sexual in nature and is basically like little reminiscent orgasms when I experience a memory.  And the memory could be as far back as with my first relationship, or first time masturbating with a new toy, or the like. They are random and unexpected body sparking orgasmic memories. And yes, often it overlaps with NRE, or the butterflies, but I’m not positive that this is a correlation vs causation scenario.  It feels different to me somehow.

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I get the butterfly feeling when I flirt, or see a cute face (or butt). But, cannot get that aftershock feeling unless there has been a physical connection. It’s like the release of stored or shared energy.   Haha… I’m really trying to explain this, and all I am doing is turning myself on!  I of course, want everything.  The sex, the aftershocks, the butterflies, and the NRE.  Yes, please universe, yes please!

Now, these are only my thoughts, based on my experience. Maybe I’m overlooking something. I really want to hear from you, and your thoughts. Where do you fall on this?  Have you had aftershocks? What is the experience like for you? Do you know any resources that discuss this? Let’s talk about this! 

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