Now this is a topic that I find both hilarious and surprisingly widespread. There is a huge misconception that people who practice polyamory are on a quest to convert you, just as vegans are, to our or their way of thinking respectively. There is in fact a social justice warrior type movement, especially on the internet that perpetuates this sort of stigma. In fact, almost every single polyamorous forum or network that I have seen, or been a part of, always seems to digress into this strange dynamic of hierarchy and control. A strange belief that always seems contrary to the multiple love and acceptance mantra that I personally associate with poly people, and myself. The bottom line, polyamorists are trying to expose you to their superior, and ultimately more natural and free way of life because they want to fuck you or share with you what enlightenment that they have found in multiple loves.
So, here’s the thing, on the internet, yes, YES this is a thing. In every forum, the squeaky wheel or the troll makes the loudest fuss and always seems to illicit the most attention. The resulting perception is that, yes in fact, we want you to join us because we have done all this research and believe that our way of defining relationships is more in tune with nature and ultimately better. There is no denying that in the beautiful world of social media, this statement holds true. Bring on any debate or conversation and someone, somewhere will pipe up, and try to bring you over to the glittery side of our relationship spectrum. The one free from monogamy and the pair bonding that binds you and closes you off to amazing new experiences. Yes, that is the internet in a nutshell, but thankfully, the real world is much different.
I have many friends with whom I have discovered over the years, have dipped a toe into the swinging world, open relationships, polyamory and everything in between. They are normal, regular people that I am happy to call my friends. And the coolest thing is, if it were not for my blog, I would never have found out about their lifestyles. Why is that? Because in the real world, we do not just go out there to convert our friends, co workers or every awesome person we meet on the street. It just isn’t a thing. Non-monogamy takes a lot of work, amazing communication and a real understanding of who you are and what you want. This journey, as most can attest, began with a lot of soul searching, research and an intrinsic understanding of your core beliefs. It is not something that happens over night. It is rare that a random threesome or orgie (as part of someone’s bucket list for example) will turn into a relationship perception switch.
I truly believe that some people are far better suited for monogamy than others. And the variety of those relationship norms makes this journey incredibly diverse and interesting. There is no right way of living. Some people are vegan due to physical dietary restrictions and have absolutely no choice but to eat things that their body can handle. And some vegans are on the opposite end of the spectrum, trying to convert everyone to save the animals and do no harm. They have a mission. A mandate and an intrinsic belief that they must save humanity, by saving the animals. Ok, in polyamory, there just simply isn’t just cause for everyone to start falling in love with everyone else. It just wouldn’t be practical or realistic. Group love, on an international scale actually seems quite silly, to me anyways. And perhaps there are in fact radical poly folks who believe their sole purpose in life is to unite the world in loving harmony. And well, there are radicals in every mindset. People who take a good idea and push it to the often laughable extremes. Myself, I just don’t buy into that. I don’t want my community saturated with people who were just converted for the sake of getting more sex. It would absolutely spoil my experience. But hey, that’s just my two cents on the laughable twitter conversation that has a ridiculous number of people coming forward stating just how similar these two groups of people are. I honestly do not think any of them have met a polyamourous person in the flesh!
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