This weeks prompt is from the incomparable Margaret Atwood, and as I should have expected her note was direct and to the point “tell the Truth”. And whether via luck or happenstance this is exactly what I have been struggling with as of late, but not within my writing. No, as I mentioned last week, I really enjoy the process of digging deeper, and as I am discovering with my podcast, fact checking and research are things I really enjoy. There is an uncomplicated, more direction focused nuance to ensuring what I write is accurate. A little mental break if you will, to the emotional ties with which I write words down on a page. And these are all the things that I wanted to brag about really enjoying as I read the task that was presented to me, truth.

However, as I stood in the shower, letting the hot water pour over me, with the almost trance like effect of the rushing water that has elicited so many ideas over the years, I suddenly realized that while my mind and creativity are focused in truth, my body is not. In fact over the past year and a bit, my body has outright lied to me, time and time again. And it is becoming unbearably painful, because on more than one occasion my body has convinced every fibre of my being that we have conceived only to dash my hopes days later.

And well, being a person who adores research and fact checking, I can tell you with the utmost certainty that information available to those struggling to get pregnant absolutely sucks. There is almost no way to tell fact from fiction because everything is subjective. My body lies, my research yields false hope, and an abundance of information that simply states… wait. All you can do is wait! Now here is where it starts to get twisted.

In this new age of internet searching with cookies, and all manor of targeted advertising, something sinister lurks beneath my desperation, the profiteers. Oh yes, the internet knows what you are up to, and let me tell you that there are more than just a handful of so called experts, ready and willing to take your money in exchange for an almost guaranteed plan to help you cleanse your body so you can get pregnant. With a modest monetary exchange, you can reverse the age of your eggs with diet and exercise alone! There is no actual peer reviewed study to back this magic remedy up. Nor any way that you can ensure these things are safe, healthy, effective, or recommended by an actual Dr. But hey, in the wee hours of the night, when you are once again devastated that your body has once again let you down, you might say, “I’ll try anything”. And then dear friends, they’ve got you, and your money.

I wish there was a way to report these charlatans, who give false hope in exchange for your hard earned money, but as of yet, I do not know of a place. It feels criminal that in my hour of vulnerability, and hormonal upheaval, I cannot find a thing that I can try that is endorsed by anyone reasonable or rational. This writing prompt really wanted me to look at a past piece of writing and fact check it, remove bias, and take a long hard look at the accuracy of my words. And well, I want to write something verifiable in regards to increasing my chances of getting pregnant, and quite frankly, as this point in time, I could not ensure universal accuracy. The state of women’s healthcare and research is deplorable. I have hit a wall, and I cannot fact check myself out of it, no matter how hard I have been trying. And well, admitting that I have failed, just… sucks.

Well, until the next writing prompt. Hopefully it will be a tad more uplifting. Thank you as always to the amazing folks who comment, share, and subscribe to my Patreon. I couldn’t do this without your support.