Sex is a subject that bears with it great emotion. I know that statement goes without saying but I thought it was worth stating. I have a lot of emotion attached with sex and have often found that the height of my need to say loving words is during this intimate event. Afterwards though I have an odd relief that I kept my mouth shut and that realization that the physical is just physical overrides. I wonder if I am alone in this? Passion overtakes the rational at moments of weakness and sex certainly is one of those moments. So where does that leave us? In the end sex can be physical, emotional, or at times both. Where do we draw that line?
As a relationship progresses the desire for the emotions I find becomes stronger outside the physical act and to me that is where love really begins. Love is growth, a bond and understanding of people with the desire to support each others goals. Or to quote the dictionary:
[luhv] Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
But wait, how exactly does point three come into play? Isn’t that the definition for sex and not love? If even the dictionary cannot keep these terms and definitions clear for the English speakers than how exactly are we to keep these things clear and level headed? To me there is a great difference between sex and love.
I know a couple who are very career oriented people and are living abroad. They have been together for quite a long time, and being career oriented there was some long distance elements to their relationship. When one or the other would have to come home to Canada to visit family or take additional courses the understanding was always that yes they would have physical needs apart. And that was absolutely OK with both parties. To go out and have a casual night here or there was almost encouraged as both parties were doing the same. This couple has been together for many years and have just welcomed their first child. This child is being born to two very successful parents in the most loving and forward thinking environment that I have seen.
Now I will admit that when I first was told of the understanding this couple had I was very judgmental about the whole arrangement. I kept my mouth shut and supported my friends but I often wish I would have asked more questions from the couple. It didn’t seem like being open or discussing was even a possibility. It was their life and they could live it how they chose as long as I didn’t have to ever lie about what I knew. This vow let me sleep at night, but something just didn’t seem right. The most odd thing is that I had completely forgotten about this whole situation until a few days ago. I have been writing this blog for over a month looking for real life scenarios and one was right under my nose the whole time.
This gives me a lot of hope. That I could forget that this was even a point of some discomfort for me. That my opinionated little self could look past their actions and support their new family with open arms. This blog could one day be the norm and not need to be discussed and brought to the surface of our awareness. That sex can be sex and that a relationship can be so much more than that.
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I am a straight woman who loves men very much, but honestly I think it’s universally accepted that humanity loves boobs. Men try not to oggle at that rack walking down the street, and woman look on with envious eyes. The mesmerizing effect that the chest is challenged by very little else. It is the power card women have over their male counterpart, boobs trump almost anything.
And this is the very reason that they are feared. That men in power have tried many ways to repress and keep women in their place, pregnant, and barefoot in the kitchen. Muslim women covered head to toe in cloth, or skirts past ones ankles in Mennonite colonies. I am not a feminist or perhaps not a writer of feminist material, but I am against repression of any kind and after much research I am lead to believe that religion has done more to repress the feminine wiles than anything else out there.
I understand that the topic is up for some debate, but there is much research out there by such authors as Baigent, and Jordan which debate the most effective form of repression in woman today. Turning Mary Magdalene, from a historically accurate wife (Jesus), to that of a prostitute. Religious men are so fearful of a woman’s power that they change history to suit their needs, in this case, keeping a very powerful woman below the men around her.
There is so much ancient script where woman could almost reach godly status in their tribe or village. Woman played key roles in ceremonies and the management of their people. Why did men turn from adoring their women, to changing history and mandating dress code as forms of oppression? It’s an unfortunate reality that in the 60’s a law needed to be passed that if a woman did the same work as a man, she had to be paid the same. The legal world had to step up and force the populous to give fair wages. Our elected governing body had more common sense than the entity so many out there entrust their immortal souls to, the church.
The bottom line though is that boobs get their way in many situations and men have little willpower against it. Religion has guided so many in the direction of gender separation that I am hard pressed to find a religious male out there who knows how the female should be treated. Either the woman is forced down, or put upon a pedestal possibly out of guilt? I personally have hidden my own chest many times as I wanted to be judged for my wit and not the cleavage. So I suppose even I am not yet past religions hold on societal views. I hope someday woman can be proud to use their assets to benefit both themselves and that of the people around them without shame or judgement. For now though, as long as we keep educating ourselves and asking why do we do the things we do, we can gain a complete understanding and make the changes necessary to ensure equality.
If you love boobs too, and want to support my sex positive Patreon, check out BreakingAway!