Out But in But Out…

Also titled: How women test the waters and have a back up plan prior to asking for what they want or ending a relationship.  I have written about my insecurities with my relationships and yes of course there will be a lot more where that came from.  I am swimming in uncharted territory right now and as exciting as it is there are trials and tribulations which can be unique to my situation, and there are the same shit different pile examples as well.   So here is one that has recently been brought up.  Men see things a lot more black and white than women do.  I was asked a very simple question by my boyfriend which was, is your friend single?  Unto which I replied in the most convoluted way, well yes but no, well sort of, I’m not sure.  Seriously, I put so many extra variables into this very simple and obvious answer that I was even more confused by the end of my analysis.  And thus I was inspired to find out why I was unable to answer, and the conclusion was incredibly simple, she has used an ancient seduction and survival technique to confuse all those around her.
I will do my best to explain this using myself as an example to protect the anonymity of my friend.  When I was reconsidering staying with my ex I employed a little “test the water trick” that may sound pretty twisted and cruel in certain lights but here goes.  I was feeling really insecure and I was not confident that I could handle the pain of my impending breakup alone.  I knew that I could no longer be with this man,( http://k-ghislaine.blogspot.com/2011/08/love.html), however I rationalized that I could only handle feeling one emotion at a time or I would have a complete and utter break down.  So to protect myself I found a rebound guy, but here’s the rub of it.  The re-bound guy was actually a major player in this prior to me ending the relationship.  I assure you that there was no physical cheating of any kind, but I will admit there were emotional indiscretions.  I found a guy who was physically interested in me, would be a shoulder for me to cry on and a great person to just shoot the shit with when I was lonely.  I created a scapegoat in order to fully execute my breakup and ease the emotional burden I was about to face.
As I was soon to find out, I was not the only one to do this.  And it’s scary to think that this can almost be called a default plan of attack.  Looking back, whenever I have decided to bring up big and scary issues I have purposefully reconnected with someone who will have my back and my needs met just in case.  This is relationship survival at its very core.  And the best part is?  It is done all on the sly so that your nearest and dearest are completely in the dark to your real motives.  There is a great shroud of mystery in your actions.  Whatever the fallout is, you can blame the right time right place, emotional instability, or just plain you couldn’t lie about your feelings for your scapegoat anymore and thus had to do the responsible thing and end thing with your significant other.  On the one hand I am pretty impressed at the skill level that women are able to accomplish the basic protect thyself mantra.  Of course on the other hand, I am a little nervous if I will still try this in the future or if I will come up with something even more devious.
So the bottom line here?  Woman are magical creatures who will do what it takes to stay happy, even if that means doing something completely underhanded and cruel even to a right place wrong time guy who gets caught in the crossfire of an ending relationship.  And the motives of the woman are so well protected that it is hard to convincingly state where they are at with their significant other.   This is a strategy of timing and a woman being able to walk away with her head held high to the outside world.  Is she In or is she Out?

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